What Men Do - and Don't - Notice About Your Body

By Aaron Traister
Aaron Traister explains why guys don't see your supposed flaws — except when you try too hard to hide them.


I woke up the other morning to find my wife, Karel, in front of her mirror, examining her stretch marks. She asked me whether I thought she should try using cream to get rid of them. I told her the truth, which was that if she really wanted to improve her appearance, she should get some more beauty sleep before our gremlins came in to rob us of whatever remains of our youth. What I didn't tell her—but should have—is this: I pretty much never notice those stretch marks. Like most guys, I'm too busy paying attention to the stuff that makes the female body so awesome. We do, however, see your obsessing and attempting to compensate for what you perceive as flaws. Want to save yourself a whole bunch of angst and money? Read on.

WHAT MEN DON'T NOTICE

Cellulite, bellies, etc.
When I go to the pool in the summertime, I get sad when I see beautiful women covering up their bodies because they're self-conscious about a few jiggly parts here and there. Who cares? Everybody's got a little jiggle; it's a sign of good times. A woman who is confident enough to show you that she knows how to eat and laugh, who is willing to let a little muffin top rise over the edge of the pan, is a lot sexier than someone who hides herself in big, billowy clothing. As for getting physical, these bits don't bother guys either: A little extra bounce and slap here and there is never a bad thing in bed.


Breasts that don't bounce to attention.
Men love boobs. Some guys are "boob men" and have specific tastes, but most of us are excited by life's rich tapestry of breasts. After two kids and 10 years together, I think my wife's pair of aces is just as incredible as when she first taught me how to play Texas hold 'em. (Worst poker metaphor ever? Yup.) Luckily, Karel still loves her girls too, and proudly displays them despite all the changes they've undergone in the last decade. An appreciated boob is a sexy boob, whether it's an A cup or a double D, whether there is a little sag or one's bigger than the other. If you love your breasts and think they're hot, so will your guy.

What you're doing with your hair down there.
Sometimes I trim my beard, sometimes I don't. Feel free to take the same approach, because I'm not really paying attention. I've had this discussion with friends, and we all agree that the product is a lot more interesting than the packaging. So grow it out, trim it, make a funny design like a lighting bolt or an arrow, just have fun with it. One personal caveat: I'm not a fan of totally waxed pubic hair. I think it's creepy and weird to fetishize the look of prepubescence. And regrowth is no fun for either party. Besides, people who take pubic hair for granted are destined to wear a merkin.


Split ends.
What are these things? I see so many commercials about split ends, and the women in those commercials seem very concerned. I couldn't identify a split end if it robbed me at gunpoint.

WHAT MEN DO NOTICE

When you fake the color of your skin.
You know what freaks me out? Women spending money on products and treatments to make their skin darker. You know what's equally crazy? Women spending money on products and treatments to make their skin lighter. The end results always seem to hover around "orange" or "E.T. when he's sick." Natural is hot: I love dark skin. I love olive and caramel skin, and Gothy pale white skin. Sick alien and Creamsicle orange I don't dig so much, and I don't know any guys who do.

Lips that have been injected with a foreign substance.
So creepy. Take it from me: Collagen injections don't make a woman look like Angelina Jolie; they make her look like she's just had invasive dental surgery.

Frozen face. (Are you detecting a trend?)
Why do men despise it when you inject your wrinkles away? Let me see, maybe it's because it robs you of the ability to convey human emotions like surprise or worry.

Husband: "Honey, you seem strangely unmoved by the fact that the dog just ate a carving knife."

Wife: "I'm furrowing my brow with concern… on the inside."

Scars.
And so we come back to the stretch marks. At one point Karel's were red and unmissable, along with her C-section scar, but they don't, and never did, bother me. I don't think other guys mind them either, as evidenced by the fact that many strippers out there have obvious C-section scars (don't ask me how I know this). In Karel's case, they are physical evidence of our shared history and of the pain Karel was willing to endure for our family. They show just how tough my wife is.

In fact, all scars represent experience and endurance. One of the most beautiful women I've ever seen was a nude model in a figure-study class I took in college. She was in her 20s and had an athletic body, but what made her exceptional were the severe burn scars all over her back. I loved that she had the confidence to reveal them in a room full of strangers who were there to stare at her.

Look, I know this sounds like I'm blowing sunshine. But I really believe that a roll here, a scar there (or, potentially, a Batman-symbol bikini wax) is a sign of fun, strength, experience, and an active imagination — all of which are positive indicators for awesome sex. See? I'm really just as shallow as the next guy.  What-Men-Do-and-Dont-Notice-About-Your-Body

Read more »

Dating For Love

Read more »

How can women break the insidious cycle of relationship failure

By: Cucan Pemo

Nothing is more traumatic than seeing a relationship falling apart. It breeds suspicion, distrust and distance. A couple who could not live without each other at one point of time start finding reasons to stay away. The relationship failure is painful for both the partners. Both try to hurt each other; and the more they hurt each other the more they destroy what was once a very loving relationship.

Signs of relationship failure

It needs no special skills to understand when a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:

1. The partners start finding fault with each other.
2. They stop listening to each other
3. They start spending more time outside the house
4. They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
5. The trust breaks down.
6. No satisfactory explanations are offered for coming late.
7. Phone calls are not returned
8. There is an attempt to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
9. The mutual respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
10. There are high expectations but no give and take.

How can women save the relationship
The onus to save a relationship rests on both the partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on account of misunderstandings then surely the woman in the house can save it.

The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an easy task but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually start getting longer.

The next step is to show that you want your man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he returns. He may surely be surprised, and even a little restrained to return you new found love, but there is no better way to close the gap than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide a relationship.

You should simultaneously start finding fault with him. Don't ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.

Give the man some space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from work. You don't have to rush to him, and start a conversation. Every man likes some private time and space to himself. Let him avail it; let him cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that may interest him. Of course, don't try to fool him by trying to over reach yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hover close around him to make him feel wanted.

Soft music and good food can make him more relaxed. Try to play music that he likes, and cook food that he loves. You should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don't push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him because you wanted it. This anyway is true.

Don't try to change your man
It is important that you stop trying to change your mate. This is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive. Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. It will only make him fight back.

You must not sound or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. It is essential that you have full belief in what you are doing. You should gradually make him talk of why he had starting moving away from you. Once again, you don't have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he wants to release the pent up feelings. This can have magical affect on your relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship will be exorcised.

There will be trust again, and mutual faith. Try not to loose it again.

Read more »

How to draw genuine love to you using the Law of Attraction

By: Cucan Pemo
The Law of Attraction is one of the most powerful laws in the universe. According to it like attracts like. That is why creatures of the same kind attract each other. Wherever there is one ant, you will find many more; wherever there is one farmer you will find several farmers; wherever there is a lone sheep or cow you will find a herd. We all know that wolves hunt in groups; and fish swim in packs. But have we tried to find out why? 

We never analyze how we make friends or companions. But if we do we will find that our friends are like us in most ways. They share the same values, the same lifestyles, the same ideas, and the same goals. This is what the Law of Attraction does; it brings all those things together that are alike.

True love

Most successful marriages are those where the man and woman are alike. The marriages where men and women have different tastes, different likes and different interests don't last long. They fall apart. The apparent reasons for these marriages falling apart may be stress, workplace pressure or extra-marital affairs, but the base reason is always the same. The union in the first place was of two people who were not alike. They came together against the Law of Attraction. That is why they could not stay together even though they were bound by vows of holy matrimony.

In contrast, two individuals who are alike continue to live together as man and woman under the same roof even if they are not married. The society may frown on such relationships but it cannot force such couples to part ways. They have been brought together by the Law of Attraction. Theirs is not a relationship of convenience; theirs is a relationship based on shared values, shared likes and shared goals. This is what true love is. It is the joining of two hearts, two minds and two bodies that are alike.

How to draw true love

True love takes shape without our knowledge. In fact, have we ever stopped and wondered why we are attracted to a particular girl or a particular boy? There may be ten girls in a class of 25. How is it that we are attracted to one girl alone? How is it that we continue to come closer to that girl only, and not to other girls who may be equally pretty?

The first reaction of any such couple is that they are alike. Great. But how did they find each other? They were lucky; of course. They happened to be in the same class, is what they will tell you. But what about millions of other couples? Some met on a road, some in a train, some at a local dance, some in the church. But all bonded together. How?

This is where true love comes in. You don't have to find true love; it finds you. You only have to recognize it. On first reading, it may sound bizarre. But the reality is that our thoughts are not limited to our mind. They are like waves of energy that keep radiating from our minds. When this energy collides with similar energy radiating from another mind, true love springs up. This is what we call a meeting of minds. 

Love and lust

It is also love at first sight. However, for this love to blossom and bloom it has to go past physical lust. Often, the physical desire blocks the thoughts that our minds are radiating. We are so obsessed with each other that our minds refuse to tune in to each other's thoughts. Such relationships, even when they get converted into marriage, are unlikely to last long.

That is why dating is so useful. It gives couples sufficient time to listen to each other's unspoken thoughts. Their minds either continue to come closer or move apart. That is why we say that at times young couples have a mind of their own. They may be heartbroken if such relationships break. But their grief would only be temporary. The heartbreak would be much worse if the couples don't listen to their inner mind, and hope that they can change their partners once they get married. It will never happen..

Healthy relationships

The Law of Attraction is not limited to the world of love alone. It operates in the professional and the social world too. It is this law that brings two individuals together to forge a successful business partnership. It is also this law that brings two thieves or two crooks together - because their minds radiate the same thoughts.

Everything would be so simple if this law worked properly. Individuals who shared the same likes would live together; individuals who shared different viewpoints would live in their own world. But this does not happen. How often do we read in newspapers of a good man destroyed by a trusted colleague? How often we share tales of a rich man lured by a shark?

This happens when we switch off our mental antennas or when we close our minds to negative thoughts. We get blinded by our desires. There is no meeting of minds but a meeting of interests. When this happens we are bound to lose. This is where good men go astray. 

That is why it is important to build social or professional relationships with an open mind. If you get a feeling that everything is not right about a person you have met, you must respect that feeling. Don't allow monetary interests to overpower your feelings. Avoid that individual before it is too late.

This will allow you to build relationships that are in your interest, relationships that you will cherish - not regret.

Read more »

Dating After Loss of a Spouse

By: elaine williams
When a relationship ends due to one partner dying, what is the correct time period to begin dating again? Grief is such a funny, unpredictable animal. Many people in years' past think a year is a suitable time to wait before incorporating life changes, and yet for many of us, a year into our loss - we're barely getting started on our grief journey. My experience has been that people and perhaps society as a whole, do not allow enough time or thought to the actual grief process. There is no quick fix or "getting over it" and moving on. We all move through grief in our own ways and means. There is nothing by formula that we can follow or hope to happen. Talking with others who have experienced a similar loss is definitely a plus.

Some days the road is more difficult than others days. At times, you feel enveloped in a mist of uncertainty. Even small decisions can sometimes stretch past your point of coping.

Personal decisions are just that, personal. What is suitable for anyone must be decided individually. Sometimes you have to let go of preconceived notions of the correct way to act and grieve. 

I began dating too early, about a year after my husband passed away. I was incredibly lonely and in a real oxymoron, I was determined to be happy again, at any cost to myself. So, I started dating through online sites and I kept attracting the wrong type of man. Takers, emotionally unavailable, surface daters, serial daters, men who mirrored my own uncertainty about my readiness to date again.

None of these connections turned out to be anything substantial. In a fog of grief, I yearned to find someone to love, and yet I knew these men were wrong for me. They were just a short ride on a ferry to nowhere special. It was brought home to me gradually, through my dating experiences, that I had to value myself more than what I was doing. I couldn't settle with a partner just to have someone in my life. I deserved more. My dates deserved more than someone still traveling through grief. 

In those early days, I was as unavailable as the men I dated. If I had realized this, perhaps I would have run fast in the opposite direction, but in two instances I hung on to a flagging relationship, hoping things would change. Of course they did not.

Gradually, I came to realize that I had to stop setting myself up for disappointment in relationships. How could I attract the right partner, unless I was equally ready for a commitment?

I made the decision to bring my standards up to a new level and part of this process involved not dating for over a year. Only then did I start meeting the quality of man that my higher consciousness demanded. I was no longer wasting my time, or theirs, in surface dating, where both of us knows after one date there is no chemistry or real interest.

We all deserve better for ourselves than settling in a relationship just to alleviate the loneliness. It is difficult being alone when you are used to so much more, but I have chosen to remain so until the right partner comes along. It's a personal decision, and for me, there is no other choice.

Read more »

The basics about affairs, marital affairs, & married dating.

In order to understand why people are having affairs, we have to first look atwho is having affairs. In today's world, life and relationships have become increasingly complicated and boring.The spark that you once had when you initially married your spouse disappeared someswhere along the way. Before you knew it you were on the Internet with a wandering eye, looking for cheating partners and women to have an affair with to bring that happiness and excitement back into your life. You might believe that affairs are typically engaged in by middle to upper class individuals who have good jobs, a family life, and are financially stable, but the truth of the matter is that cheating does not discriminate. Typically, people who are seeking cheating partners have found their lives to be stuck in a rut or found their personal happiness buried somewhere along the way of their home life. Long gone are the days of working late and having an affair with the office secretary, with today's technology the ability to have a discreet emotional or sexual affair is at your fingertips. You have definitely come to the right website. Ashley Madison's married dating services can help you find that special someone who makes you feel young and alive again. Most people will be surprised by the statistics on affairs.

Read more »