Is sex the price women pay for relationships?

Debarati S Sen

Recently, broadcaster and writer Stephen Frymade a controversial statement on female sexuality, saying that women do not enjoy having sex. 

He has been quoted saying: "I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason women will havesex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man, which is what they want. Of course, a lot of women will deny this and say, 'Oh no, but I love sex, I love it!' But do they go around having it the way that gay men do?" 

Most women have rubbished this belief. Rosie Boycott, journalist and feminist, has said the remarks were 'kind of rubbish'. A mediaperson Sulekha Sharma says, "Since the time women realised the power to sustain their lifestyle with their own income and also had the choice to avoid pregnancies, she stopped paying for relationships with sex. Today, if a woman wants to get intimate with a man, she will make her way...perhaps just the way a man did decades ago." 

TOI spoke to a few women in the city about this. 

I don't think that sex is the price women pay for realtionships. If you are in a relationship then you have an emotional bonding with that person and it is not at all only about sex. 

Relationships are important but it is not true that woman will have sex in exchange of relationship. Relationships are a matter of the heart. One needs a person to share one's happiness and sorrows and for that emotional bonding is a necessity and men today are emotional as well as understanding just like women are. 

Rukhsar 
With due respect to Mr Fry, I don't think anybody needs to feel sorry for straight men. Look at all the gorgeous women in their lives... I agree women put relationships ahead of sex because they need to feel secure and a good relationship does make them feel secure. Somebody should tell Mr. Fry women do enjoy sex! Don't we all want a rocking sex life with the person we love... And yes a good bond always enhances sex and vice versa! 

Ashita Dhawan 
I don't think women have to pay any price for anything. Relationships are important but it is a woman who can make or break it. 

Yashashri Masurkar 
You only have sex with your partner when you are sure about your relationship. A relationship is not a business and involves feelings and emotions. 
No girl ever has to make any compromise for continuing any relationship these days. If a relationship is based on such conditions then it is not a relationship, it is a compromise. 

Shillpi Sharma 
I don't agree with this theory, as I believe women are far more aware of what they want and especially when it comes to sex, I feel women need sex as much as men do because its a natural instinct and desire... Sex is an important part of a relationship and feelings are always mutual....The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners...Women equally want a good sex life and cannot be made to sound like a victim.... 

Rochelle Fereira 
I think women are financially independent and strong emotionally and they wouldn't stick in a marriage if they are ill-treated or unhappy. Sex is not just a means to stay in a relationship nor a reason. Women also have one night stands or would have sex if they enjoy it and it is a part of a relationship. 

Payal Rohatgi 
For men sex is like brushing their teeth. Its a biological need which is their weekness. I am not saying women don't have the urge but we crave for security and comfort that a relationship offers. Guess men are from mars and women from venus. 


Is sex the price women pay for relationships?

Read more »

9 Ways to sexually arouse your man

Tired of your man's lack lustre libido? Want him to make passionate love to you? Follow these nine stimulation techniques to pep up your man's sexual appetite.


1. Tie Him Up: Take control and get your man all tied up. Buy silky tights to tie him up loosely to the bed post above his head. Keep his head propped up with a pillow so that he can see your wild moves. All guys love being dominated and you will get a high by watching your guy's desire for you rise. 


2. Wet Pleasures: Guys just love making out in the shower. Kissing under a shower is a sure fire way of getting the sexual action kick started. Work up lather and sensuously wash each others' bodies. It will leave you feeling fresh for the real action to follow.


3. Girlie Groping: Ignite your youthful lust by making out in the last row of a cinema or indulging in some heavy petting on the couch until you are both hot and ready.


4. Dress it up: Walk around the house clad in lacy underwear and some killer stilletoes. Your man will love nothing more than to watch you strut sexily around the house.


5. Dirty dancing: Erotic slow dancing is great tool of seduction. Enjoy a sensual dance which is the perfect appetiser for some raunchy bedroom antics.


6. Mirror image: Learn to master body language techniques to let him know you are interested in sex. Try and mimick some of his actions to turn him on. Don't copy everything he does. Instead if he leans towards you, lean into him at the same time, making passionate eye contact all the while.


7. Maximise a massage: Make your man lie down on the bed and apply warm oil on his aching body. Use lingering sensuous strokes along his back and down his legs making sure his body relaxes.


8. In the outdoors: Foreplay doesn't need to be restricted to the bedroom; all men love sex in the open. Make love under the stars and land in sexual heaven. 


9. Teasing talk: Men too love a bit of naughty talk. Whisper sweet nothings into his ear describing all the things you would like to do to him, or have him do to you. Alternatively send him a sexy SMS letting him know he is in for a treat. 


9 Ways to sexually arouse your man

Read more »

10 Tips For Finding and Keeping a Loving Relationship...

Dr. Tara Fields

1. DON'T fall in love with someone's potential. Too many men and women choose a mate or stay in relationships with the hope that the other person will change.
DO be honest and with yourself and ask: "Can I love this person exactly the way they are now without the expectation of change?" If not, find someone else.

2. DON'T confuse lust with love. In a rush to feel close, people have sex prematurely creating a false intimacy, which can lead to disappointment.
DO take the time to create a genuine emotional connection and allow a passionate sexual relationship to grow.

3. DON'T overlook the red flags out of desperation to have a relationship. For Example: If he makes a statement like 'I don't do commitment well,' Believe him!!
DO ask yourself, "Is this person really available emotionally and situationally?' (People tend to spend more time researching a VCR purchase then their potential mate).

4. DON'T assume your mate "psychically" knows what you want or need.
DO take responsibility for expressing your feelings and needs with one another. This will pre-empt conflict and deepen the emotional connection between you.

5. DON'T take your partner for granted. When couples get past the honeymoon stage they often become complacent with each other.
DO continue romancing one another throughout the relationship, not just in the beginning stages. For example: Make a standing "date night" once a week.
If you're stuck in a power struggle or conflict:

6. DO be empathetic to your partner. Put aside for the moment your need to be right and put yourself in your partner's shoes to understand their point of view. Being understanding and validating your partner's feelings does not mean you have toagree with them. Nor does it mean you have to give up on getting your own needs met. Often feeling understood will mean more to your partner than being right or winning the battle. 
7. DO focus on what you would like from your partner and what they have done right -- instead of what they have done wrong. Be specific. For example: "I felt cared for when you cleaned the kitchen and watched the kids so I could take a bath and relax last Thursday night."
Here are some final points on what a healthy relationship looks like:

8. Your love is returned. The person loves you back. You're not involved with somebody you're trying to get to love you. 
9. You don't feel like you're walking on eggshells. If you have a tight feeling in your stomach, that's not love, that's you trying to get approval. 
10. A healthy relationship increases your self-esteem.

"To be in an intimate relationship, couples need to expose their authentic self. That entails being vulnerable and showing some emotional courage. People are often afraid of revealing who they really are for fear that they will not be accepted. A healthy relationship occurs when two people feel safe revealing their true selves to one another."

Read more »

They Call It the Reverse Gender Gap

THE FEMALE FACTOR
By LUISITA LOPEZ TORREGROSA


As the year ends, much of the talk around women — at least in the United States — has moved from empowerment and global gender gaps to the trend of young single women out-earning men and the rise of female breadwinners.

There are so many views and theories out there, some of them driven by independent research and others by personal experience and still others by a chatty blend of both, that we are getting a sometimes confounding, always provocative and occasionally contradictory picture.

For starters, young women today — and not just in the United States — are moving quickly to close the pay gap, or in some cases have closed it already.

They are marrying later and later, or not marrying at all. They no longer need husbands to have children, or want no children (40 percent of births in the United States each year are now to single women).

Women are ahead of men in education (last year, 55 percent of U.S. college graduates were female). And a study shows that in most U.S. cities, single, childless women under 30 are making an average of 8 percent more money than their male counterparts, with Atlanta and Miami in the lead at 20 percent.

Although that study of 2,000 communities was done only in the United States, it points to a global trend.

The emergence of this cohort of high-earning young women and the increasing number of female breadwinners are transforming gender relationships, upending patterns of matchmaking, marriage and motherhood, creating a new conflict between the sexes, redefining the word “breadwinner” and inspiring tracts on the leveling of men’s roles.

It is being called the reverse gender gap.

Increasingly, if by no means yet the majority, women bring home the bacon while husbands or male partners take care of an ever greater share of the domestic front.

This reversal of roles, evolving over the past decade or so, too often comes with a certain stigma. “Many couples are perfectly content and well adjusted, but for the stigmatizing opposition of friends, family, in-laws and even religious traditions,” said Liza Mundy, a fellow at the New America Foundation and author of a new book, “The Richer Sex: How the New Majority of Female Breadwinners Is Transforming Sex, Love and Family,” due out in March.

The stigma, sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, undermines relationships between high-earning women and the husbands or boyfriends who are secondary earners or “househusbands,” and it is playing havoc with the dating game, Ms. Mundy told me.

She met high-achieving women who, afraid to put men off, devise strategies to play down their affluence. One woman carries small bills to pay for tips, drinks, parking and other dating expenses rather than whipping out her high-limit credit card.

“Some of these women had learned the hard way that when they went to bars, they were better off lying about what they did — saying that they were a cosmetologist or music teacher rather than a software consultant or lawyer,” Ms. Mundy said.

Faced with a shrinking pool of men on their level, some young women are settling and marrying “down,” but others will jump on planes for “dating excursions” to cities like New York, San Francisco and Boston where the male market is more promising.

What is to come out of this new world? “I think women are going to have to abandon the traditional 50-50 everything-must-be-equal feminist mind-set,” Ms. Mundy said, “and learn to value husbands and partners who are becoming more domesticated and supportive.”

A feminist leader, Siobhan (Sam) Bennett, president of the nonpartisan Women’s Campaign Fund, does not see conflicts for high-earning women in dating, marriage and domestic life. On the contrary, she told me, “I see great opportunity that these high-value women will ask and gain the flexibility they need to have marriages and families — their lives will probably look different than what we’ve seen — but they will work for them.”

The writer Kate Bolick, culture editor of the lifestyle magazine Veranda, sees a grimmer picture.

“As women have climbed ever higher, men have been falling behind,” she said in an article, “What, Me Marry?,” in the November issue of The Atlantic. “We’ve arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of the party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up — and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.”

This state of affairs is not confined to the United States. The trend is global. Japanese and South Korean men are importing brides from poorer Asian countries with traditional attitudes about marriage. In Spain, Ms. Mundy said, she found high-achieving women marrying men from progressive Northern European countries like Sweden, while Spanish men seek out immigrant wives from more conventional Spanish-speaking countries.

By chance, I recently met a 29-year-old Parisian, Natacha Richard, single and childless, who came to New York to work in the beauty business because, she said, women have more opportunities and freedom here than in France. Women have made progress there, she said, but not as much as in the United States.

“Women here are doing the same jobs as men,” she said. “They are getting paid almost as much or sometimes more and doing the jobs better, and on top of that, women are the ones who have children and who care for children. What’s there for men to do?”

Ms. Bolick laid it out, saying, “If, in all sectors of society, women are on the ascent, and if gender parity is actually within reach, this means that a marriage regime based on men’s overwhelming economic dominance may be passing into extinction.”

A cause to rejoice? Only future years will tell.

THE FEMALE FACTOR

Read more »

Love or Money?

The biggest decision, by far. A relationship, or marriage, for love or money? Is this something new you ask? Oh, by no means. Decades ago it was kept hush, hush. You didn't talk about those things. Talk about taboo! But wouldn't it be great to have both?

These days, no man or women would say out loud, but it may be a conversation between friends, and family. And this decision is more common then you might think. Yes, in 2010! Especially in 2010 with the uncertainty of companies, and jobs with a future, and let's not forget the quest for the good life, the question is on more people's minds.

Some say "you can learn to love". Others say "it's just as easy to love a rich person then a poor one". I suppose there are many sayings and many ways to look at life and love. Which is right for you?

Let's face it, all of us started out with the romantic notion of loving someone forever. The passion, the romance, and the love so deep you couldn't imagine life without them.

As years pass, and as life touches us, some may waiver. The question of love or money starts to become a gray area, rather then black or white. For some, the security of a highly profitable business, or job, that you may have for many years, comes to them in their life. They can't seem to do no wrong, and wealth accumulates.

They were in the right place at the right time. Their decisions they made when life showed them a fork in the road, were good ones it turned out. Financially, life has been good to them. Many very fortunate people like Paul Newman and Bill Gates recently, attributed his success to luck. They said luck has a lot to do with it. Who knows why there are haves and have nots?

That being said, there are many, many average people that work hard for a living and never get to that financial freedom and security. Not that they are any less of a person then the wealthy ones, but they didn't achieve it. Life seems to be a struggle all the time. Not that they can't pay their bills, but they are never secure financially.

Emotionally, life can beat you up a little. And for some, more then a little. Year after year, you struggle. Yes, you have friends, a decent job, but you never reach the point of being able to afford a secure life. A life to enjoy your dreams, and share your fortune with loved ones. A life of peace, where you don't have to worry about the electric bill, your kids going to college, and a comfortable retirement. Year after year, it can take a toll n you. And for millions of people depression can set in.

So for many, young and old, first marriage or second, the question of love or money will come to a head. Life is full of choices. And every choice you make will determine your future. So love or money?

So you are young and dream about the love of your life. Guess what? You meet them! You are as happy as can be now that you found each other. You date and eventually marry. You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans!

Years pass and life beats you up a little bit, like most people, but your fine. A few more years go by, unhappiness, fighting usually about sex or money, and divorce happens. Now you both are trying to make it on your own, with one income each, instead of combined incomes. You thought things were tight before and look at you now.

Life moves forward as it always does. You start dating at one point. You find a person that makes you happy again. Extremely happy. They have an average job and has been there for a while. hey don't make a lot of money, but who cares? Right?

Also, you have an acquaintance that is attractive, awful nice to you, and cares for you deeply. The person asks you out a lot, but you seem to spend more time with the other person. You have gone out together and had fun too. But just not the zipthe other person brought to the table. But they are wealthy! Really wealthy! A nice profession in good standing, with a beautiful home, not crazy vices, and wants you too.

Love or money? Whats your choice? Is the choice between love or money clear? Do you sacrifice love for money. For the security, the ability to enjoy life, to give to your children along the way? Will you regret your decision for the rest of your life? Will you miss the person you left behind, forever? Love or money? The money will never make you feel the way loving someone does. But, can you live without that love, that feeling, just to have the ability to never worry financially ever again?

If you can't, then was it really the right thing to do to ever get the divorce in the first place? Did love make the difference then? After all, love can't pay the bills! So is it love or money?

What if you were brought up having very little in your youth? What if you dreamed of "love" but what came to you was "like a lot", with money? Love or money?

What if you had a secure childhood and money wasn't an issue at home? What if you then married a person with money or a really good future? You have never experienced financial hardship, or a budget. Your marriage didn't work out and you were starting over. You meet an average person and you fell in love. But, they had no money or financial security. Do you move on so is not to face a world without the money, and power it brings, and that you are used to? Do you leave the person to find another with money?

Love or money? What does love mean to you? What does having money mean to you? Can you have both? Sure can, if you're lucky. But much of the time it is a choice between love or money. Some can even convince themselves that it is love, but in reality, it is the money.

There are many more scenarios of relationships that can be told about the choice between love or money. The choice you make is yours and yours alone, as love remembers. 

Love or Money?  

Read more »

Sexual Experimentation

CAN BEDROOM TOYS RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?BY DR. HERNANDO CHAVES

What You Need To KnowShe won't leave you for sex toys, but she may leave you for your insecurity.Sex toys can become our biggest allies in bed.Use your best judgment to not put you or others at risk while masturbating.Those sex toys - the ones that on the surface make some men feel jealous, angry or inferior - can become our biggest allies in bed.Will Sex Toys Lead Her Astray?Dear Doctor Chaves, My girlfriend has been getting more and more into sex. When I first met her, she was kind of shy, not too sexual. I didn’t have a problem with it. The longer we’ve been together, the more she has gotten hornier and wants to be more experimental. Now she wants to get sex toys and use them. She’s changing so fast, and I don’t know if I like it. Will her using sex toys make her think I’m not as good of a lover or lead her to cheating or ending things?-Carlos I’ve never come across any information or research that suggests women have left men because of their sex toys. Usually women leave men for reasons other than not being battery-operated. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is expanding her sexual horizons and that is threatening to you. She’s becoming more comfortable with herself, her body and sexual experimentation. For most guys, including this one, that’s a good thing. You’re going to need to challenge your discomfort and unease with her newfound sexual confidence and jump on the bandwagon of supportive sexual comfort. I detect a certain amount of inferiority that the sex toy issue is triggering for you, but becoming more confident in yourself, your sexual expression and your partners' sexual expression is going to be essential to growing as a couple. Her sex toy is not going to lead her to cheating or ending things, but your insecurities may. Here’s a tip that most men don’t know: Those sex toys -- the ones that on the surface make some men feel jealous, angry or inferior -- can become our biggest allies in bed. Don’t waste your time worrying if you compare or stack up to a toy. You don’t get angry at your car for being able to get you to work faster than your legs. Why get mad at a sex toy? It’s just doing its job and trying to help you and your partner out. Once you rationalize the distorted logic behind your anger toward a battery-operated device that can’t cuddle, support, love, or communicate, you may begin to see some pleasant and pleasurable changes. If you use a sex toy with your partner during sex, for example, placing a vibrator on the clitoris of your partner during intercourse, she’ll probably like it. She may enjoy the time you both spend sexually. She might orgasm more often or more powerfully. She may think you’re a magician and that vibrator is your magic wand. And when she’s having a girls night out and the ladies are talking about their sex lives, she’ll be saying how amazing her sex life is and what a great lover her man is. Yup, the vibrator puts in effort and you get the credit because it becomes an extension of your lovemaking ability. To me, a great lover is one who helps facilitate pleasure for their partner, not inhibit it. Masturbation ExhibitionismI have this thing where I like to masturbate in random places and I keep track of where I’ve done it. It’s kind of a game or just something I do. Is this normal?-Mike, BaltimorePeople masturbate in random places and at random times, so it’s perfectly normal. Most people don’t talk about where or when they’ve masturbated, but it’s often different for different people. I’ve heard places including in the car while driving, at school, in the library, at world landmarks, and at family members' homes. There’s probably someone masturbating while reading this Q&A right now (you might want to wipe the keyboard afterward). I wouldn’t characterize your game as not normal, just unique. I do want to bring up that if you're playing this game, you want to respect the rights of others and not expose yourself to people who have no desire to be a part of it. Use your best judgment so that you don't put yourself or others at risk (masturbating in public, non-legal, exhibitionistic, or coercive expressions, etc). I remember being at a house party in college and some drunken guy shared how he would ejaculate on his friends' pillows as a joke. Random place, random time, but not cool to soak a pillow with jizz. I assume he had few friends left, and I didn’t make friends with him. The point is, keep it respectful, legal and clean. Since it’s not in my nature to crush someone’s sexual expression, how about a modification? Why not random places, random times in toilets? There’s a toilet almost everywhere you go. You’re private, no one to disrespect and it's not illegal -- just you, the porcelain god and a little self-lovin'.We have to ask ourselves: Are the risks worth the rewards?"Premature EjaculationDear Dr. Chaves,My doctor recently prescribed me Zoloft for my premature ejaculation issue. I’m on the fence about this and wanted to ask your opinion. Seems like the internet has a lot of professionals supporting both sides. What do you think? -Craig, San Francisco, CAJust in case you’re some secret undercover narc medical board investigator, let me be clear. I’m not a medical doctor. I‘m in no way offering medical advice on prescription medications, its uses or dosages. I am a doctor of human sexuality, a sex therapist and probably better suited to give you a tour of a dungeon. However, early ejaculation is right up my alley, and I can surely offer an opinion on it. First of all, check out our article on what to do if you finish too quickly. Next, I believe in exhausting other non-medication treatment options available before turning to pharmaceuticals. Here’s my reasoning. There is research by Dr. Stuart Shipko and others that address possible long-term, irreversible sexual and non-sexual side effects of SSRI use (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors). We can’t be sure of how pills can affect us as we all respond in unique ways. Could it be our libido? Erection? Something else? I don’t want to be part of the “it happens to some people” group when it’s not a medically necessary medication (blood pressure meds, heart meds, life saving meds, etc.). I took a hair loss medication for a decade called Propecia and today I’m reading about potential side effects impacting prostate health. I choose my prostate over my Wayne Newton hairdo any day! We have to ask ourselves: Are the risks worth the rewards?Going back to your question, will Zoloft work? It might as one of the side effects in delaying ejaculation, but at what potential costs? The choice is up to you, but I would encourage you to work on your early ejaculation concerns with non-medication treatments and see if you can make a difference the non-pharmaceutical way. Check out our article on improving early ejaculation and see if you can improve your situation the old -fashioned way, with effort and training. Also, two books that can make a difference is Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Michael Metz and The Good Guide to Overcoming Premature Ejaculation by Ian Kerner. Both books offer different perspectives and philosophies on early ejaculation, which is important because we all respond differently to different interventions and approaches.
Read more:

Read more »

The Perfect Man

WHAT WOMEN REALLY THINK OF YOUBY DAVE GOLOKHOVWomen found their partners to be about 69% perfect.Women may dream of finding Prince Charming, but a new study shows that they're far more realistic in choosing real-life spouses.A survey of 2,000 women commissioned by Remington determined that only 25% of women believe the perfect man exists and the remaining 75% don’t aim to find Mr. Right -- Mr. Good Enough will do. Women found their partners to be about 69% perfect.So, what’s holding the men back? A few of the male faults included leaving the bathroom door open, watching too much sports and inadequate personal grooming. Snoring, ripping on your girlfriend’s driving and not vibing with her family can also drop your score.Also, one in five women believe their man doesn’t listen to them.On the bright side, 35% of women said that personality is the most important male quality, so don’t fret. If you can make her laugh, she’s willing to overlook a few of the flaws.Now the question remains: Do men actually believe that the perfect woman exists?           Read more:

Read more »

“10 Mistakes You Must Stop Now To Have Any Chance At Winning Back Your Lover—And How to Get Your Ex Back…”

PLUS a little extra homework that will put a leash on your partner’s heart and pull them back in before it’s too late.

Read if you’re hurting from a recent break up…

OK, I’ve got some really important things to go over with you if you’re going to get your ex back. Time is of the essence, so I’m going to be as quick as possible.

I could tell you some things about me. Like I used to make big mistakes in my relationships… Did some embarrassing things while trying to get one in particular back… I learned a lot, had some success and now help other guys and girls get their EXes back…

…but really we don’t have time to go over my background in full yet. I’ll give you a chance later to give me your email and I’ll tell you more about me.

For now, we gotta get focused on some MAJOR F*@K UPs statistics say you’re most likely to make right now.
People who are in deep pain from a break up have a tendency to do the exact OPPOSITE of what you should do. So I’m actingfast to try and get you to stop before any damage is done.

In any disaster the first step is to stop the bleeding and then fix the problem.

Your relationship is no different. There may be some underlying problems with your relationship that must be fixed, but we can get to that next. Right now we need to STOP the bleeding.

So here’s the plan. I’m going to give some blunt advice. Not because I’m mean, but because you need it now more than ever. There’s no time to waste.

The first thing you need to do is STOP acting in a way that your lover is biologically predisposed to NOT feel attraction for.

That means being weak, passive and overly-agreeable. For biological and evolutionary reasons we don’t need to get in to now, women seek strong men who can protect them. And men don’t respect women who let them get away with everything (which means you’ll be habitually cheated on).

I know, after a break up it’s hard to give off the appearance of being strong. But it’s absolutely vital. And it’s not as hard as you think if you’ll just agree not to make these 10 mistakes.

We’ll start with 10 mistakes to quickly stop the damage, and then we’ll move on to some homework and point you to the materials you’ll need.

DAMAGE CONTROL

10 mistakes that convince your lover they made the right choice

OK, first the 10 mistakes. Then there’s some homework for you to do to lure your lover back.

People who get hurt are often the people who say they don’t want to play “games.” You know what? Too bad. The game is being played whether you know it’s your turn or not.

Men and women are constantly testing each other subconsciously to see if you’re a good choice for a long term mate. If you refuse to play along, you’re going to be left out.

You’ll find you can prove yourself worthy by avoiding these 10 mistakes.

MISTAKE #1: Acting Overly Nice And Believing It Makes You A Great Catch

How many times do you have to hear the cliché “nice guys (or girls) finish last” before you finally get it?

You can’t simply go along with everything your partner says and expect to have a great relationship.

Think of it this way. Every good story has conflict, right? Star Wars had good guys and bad guys. And in a similar way so did Pretty Woman and all other romantic comedies.

Conflict makes things interesting. And a relationship without conflict is BORING.

Being too nice comes across as being too passive, insecure, anxious, and predictable. That’s BORING.

Want to find that “spark” with someone special? Then don’t forget that it takes friction to create a spark. Stand your ground.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To Persuade Your Ex To Come Back With Logic

You cannot argue or logically persuade your way back into a relationship. Sure, you can argue yourself out of one just fine, but it doesn’t work in reverse.

You can’t convince a person to like you, love you or want to be with you. Emotions don’t work that way.

A person’s heart is reactive, not logical. So instead of trying to talk them back in to it, there are some things you need to DO to get their heart to respond.

In the homework I have for you we’ll talk more about ways to get your EXes heart fluttering for you again. But that comes in a minute. Moving on…

MISTAKE #3: Playing The Role Of Human Doormat

I hope this doesn’t describe you…

So many people plead with their ex, “Please stay, I’ll do anything you want…”

NO! Don’t do it. That doesn’t make for a romantic relationship. It may turn you in to a sex buddy for a short time, but they will lose all respect for you.

That means as soon as something better comes along, you’re gone. Do NOT beg to be taken back.

MISTAKE #4: Showering Your Ex With Flowers And Gifts

Ever heard, “Can’t Buy Me Love?”

Maybe it’s time you gave it a listen again. Flowers and gifts are best used to say THANK YOU or I LIKE/LOVE YOU. But it does NOT build attraction.

In fact, it can be a repellent. It tells your ex you don’t believe you’re good enough to be taken back on your own merits… so you pad the package with presents to cover up flaws. That’s an attraction-killer! Don’t do it.

MISTAKE #5: Saying “I Love You” Every 5 Minutes

It’s so easy to fall into this fatal trap of telling your ex-lover how much they mean to you and how much you love them… mistakenly believing once they “get” how much you love them they’ll come running back.

WRONG! It doesn’t work like that, or even close.

Smothering your ex with affection right now is not romantic. And despite what you may think, “But I really, really like you,” is not what your ex wants to hear.

Your strong feelings may in fact be the very thing that pushed your ex away to begin with. (Because it can come across as needy.)

MISTAKE #6: Missing The Whole Point Of Chemistry

Too many people completely miss the point of attracting the opposite sex because they do things that would attract themselves or others like them… in other words, people of the same gender.

No, I’m not saying you’re gay or even that you’re acting gay.

I’m just saying men and women are attracted to different things. You can’t use the same tactics that would work on you to woo a person of the opposite sex.

For example men are mainly attracted to a woman’s appearance while women are attracted to personality.

That doesn’t mean men should stop working on their appearance or that women should stop trying to be good people. But it does mean you need to make an effort to work on the things that will attract your partner.

We’re going to work on this in your homework. But for now just realize you need to know what attracts your EX and work on that.

Then you can work on learning the subtle body language cues and emotional hot-buttons turn them on without them even knowing it. (This is advanced stuff that sounds like voodoo, but it works! And we’ll cover it in your homework.)

MISTAKE #7: Giving Your Ex All Your Power

Do NOT act like your life is over if your ex splits.

This simply surrenders all power to your ex and makes you look like a pathetic wuss they can walk all over. That’s NOT attractive and it will only last until someone new comes along.

You absolutely MUST keep the respect of your ex if you want a chance at winning them back.

(If you fear you’ve already lost their respect, you can get it back. We’ll discuss that in your homework.)

MISTAKE #8: The Looks And Money Trap

Our culture makes it so easy for people to believe that looks and money are all people care about.

But you know what? People really aren’t that shallow. Especially after you’ve been involved in a close relationship with the person.

Looks and money are not the foundations of a lasting relationship. They’re window dressing, and window dressing always gets tired after a time.

Some people make the mistake of saying… “I’ll lose 15 pounds and then they’ll want me back.”

NO! You need to take action now. You’re doing that now by putting an end to the 10 most common mistakes, and then following up with your homework from then on.

MISTAKE #9: Mis-Reading The Cues

There’s usually a window when your ex is giving you a chance to make things right. But you NEED to read the cues to know when this window is, when it isn’t, and how to respond the way they’re hoping you will.

This part gets a little advanced, but you can learn from people who have studied human behavior, especially man/woman dynamics and romantic relationships.

When you get good at it you can begin to influence (or what some call “manipulate”) and gain control over any interaction with your ex by giving cues and signals of your own.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP

Again, most people start a painful break up by making mistake after mistake. It’s a hard time for anyone to know what to do… but there is a right and a wrong way to try and win your ex back.

It makes some people uncomfortable but if you take the time to learn some things about psychology and people’s basic needs and desires from a partner, you can regain control and pull your partner’s heart back in to yours.

But you’ve gotta make the effort, and that means getting help. You’ve taken the first step by reading these 10 mistakes. Now it’s time to get to the homework.

Stop All Those Mistakes Now And You’ll Stop The Damage…

How To Get Your Ex-Back

Read more »