Find Gratitude for Relationships That Are Hard to Be Grateful for

By Lubov Skurina

Being grateful for your past relationships, is the key to attracting better relationship experiences

Being grateful for your past relationships, even for the most painful ones, is the key to establishing yourself in a better place and opening up for a different relationship experience. The question is: How can we bring ourselves to be grateful for something that caused us pain, humiliation, abuse…? And by the way, what’s there to be grateful for?

Every relationship (like everything else in life) happens for a reason. The reason is – to help us grow. We have 2 choices: either to understand the lesson that we were supposed to learn and cherish the wisdom that we acquired from the situation, or to remain in the land of Victimhood and accumulate emotional baggage while attracting the same relationship over and over again.

Remember yourself 20 years ago. What’s different about you now? All the negative and painful experiences that you had left their mark on you. If you chose to learn from them, they made you stronger and more independent; but most importantly, they positioned you for a better relationship in the future by creating a strong drive to experience something different.

Negative relationship experiences are simply a way Life poses a question to us: If this is not what you want, then what is? What can you do differently in order to avoid this situation in the future? The more shocking and painful the situation – the stronger it imprints in our subconscious mind the need to avoid people and behavior patterns that are likely to put us in a similar position.

This is the mechanism that helps us accumulate wisdom and gives us guidance on how to act in order to create a perfect relationship. This is what we should be grateful for. By expressing gratitude towards our former partners, we acknowledge the value that we have received from our past relationships and protect ourselves from ever repeating negative patterns.

The problem is, it’s hard to see it that way when you are in the middle of a painful breakup. How can we let go of resentment and judgment towards people who hurt us, and feel grateful instead? Sounds like an impossible task…

First, you need to accept the negative emotions that you are experiencing in the moment. Allow yourself to feel them fully, but also know that they will pass. Don’t try to make them go away (they will only persist if you do). Just wait till they run their course.

Then, step out of the situation and see the bigger picture. Imagine yourself a year from now looking back at this experience. Will it have the same significance for you then? What are the nuggets of wisdom you can take from this relationship that will make a difference in your future life? It’s up to you to choose what this new life is going to be like. Create a vision of a new relationship that will enter your life when you are ready. Realize, that this current negative pattern that you are experiencing is a springboard into your new life. Fill yourself with gratitude towards the situation and the person who caused it.

Let go…

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/lubov-skurina/find-gratitude-relationships-are-hard-be-grateful

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7 Signs Your Feelings Are Stronger Than His

November 25th, 2011 - By jaustin
Usually, we just don’t want to admit it when men don’t feel as strongly for us as we do for them. “That’s just how guys act” is how we explain their behavior. “He is just a little clueless when it comes to relationships” is another one. Look—if a guy really, really likes you, he gets a clue. Better to be aware of these signs that he is not as into you as you are into him, then to let that disparity of feelings continue to grow:


You check with him before you plan:
You don’t say yes to something you’re invited to on a Saturday until you’ve checked to see what your guy is doing. Saturday is the only day you two get to spend much time together, and you wouldn’t want to sabotage that. On the flip side, he just lets you know that he is going to do x, y, or z. It’s already been settled.


You text him for no reason:
You see something cute that reminds him of you. You remember a joke you two shared. You text him. But, what does he text you about? If he only texts you to confirm times and places that you are meeting, you may not be on his mind as much as he is on yours.


He’s met all of your friends:
And you’ve maybe met one of his friends. Yes, there is the need for “guy’s nights,” but, think of all the times he went out with his buddies and didn’t invite you, versus all the times you went out with your friends and did invite him. You basically always invite him. To you, he’s a partner. To him, you’re someone he is dating.


He doesn’t do PDA:
Some guys just don’t do it. But most of them are okay with a little hand-holding and a snuck in kiss here and there. If your guy completely shuns any PDA, that’s not a good sign. He either doesn’t care enough about your feelings to overcome his fear of PDA or,  he just doesn’t get that uncontrollable urge to touch you like you get for him.


You consult him on big changes:
You’re considering changing career paths, or moving apartments, or getting a new car. You ask his advice. You ask him to apartment hunt or car shop with you. Meanwhile, he just invites you one day, out of the blue, to a different address than the one he was living at last week.


His parents haven’t heard much:
He takes you to meet the parents—which you are over the moon about—and it turns out, they know nothing about you. You tell them about an amazing accomplishment of yours that recently happened, and they give you a blank stare. Your guy doesn’t brag about you. You don’t come up in conversation for him if you’re not in front of him. Out of sight, out of mind.


You’re the one that prolongs goodbye’s:
You hold that hug longer. You pull him back into bed multiple times as he tries to get out. You have a dozen cute things you want to say before he closes that car door. And he basically just waits for you to get these things over with.
http://madamenoire.com/94419/7-signs-your-feelings-are-stronger-than-his/

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How To Meet Someone New During the Holidays

By Bonny Albo

Single? You're not alone. And depending on your point of view, being single during the holidays can be good - and bad. On one hand you have no one to bring with you to all of the special events that only crop up during the holidays. But on the other hand? Those same yearly events are prime places to meet someone new.

For those not wanting to be single during the holidays, here are some tips to assist you in finding a holiday date.

Let People Know You Are Single and Looking to Meet Someone New

Tell your friends you are more than willing to accompany another single person on a holiday event should they need a date. Announce to your family that you're single this holiday season, but may very well bring someone else along to the festivities who doesn't have family close by to celebrate with. In the end it doesn't really matter how you let your community of loved ones know that you are available and looking. The point is that you do.

Accept Every Holiday Invitation

Unless a holiday event puts you in a bad position (i.e. with no way to get home afterwards safely, or face-to-face with a former partner for hours at a time), make a point of accepting every holiday invitation that comes your way - no matter how unusual, farfetched or random. In fact, the more an event will potentially take you out of your safety zone and into a new group of people, the better. If, however, you aren't able to accept an invitation because of a prior engagement, bow out gracefully with thanks for thinking of you.

Plan for Mistletoe and Other Singles Holiday Surprises

As a single person, many people will assume your calendar is much more flexible than a couple with three kids. Although this may or may not be true, singles who make themselves available oftentimes receive several last-minute phone calls to attend a holiday function. Another side to this coin is the assumption that, when presented with mistletoe, a single woman will automatically kiss a single man. To avoid potential mishaps, plan for how you'll react to these kinds of situations in advance so as not to be thrown off guard. Having one or two holiday outfits hanging in your closet ready-to-wear may suffice, as well as saying you think you are coming down with a cold to the onlookers pressing for an awkward mistletoe moment.  

http://dating.about.com/od/occasionsholidays/tp/HolidayWaysToMeetSingles.htm

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Juicy Jincey's Guide to Online Dating: Finding Love or Just a One-Night Stand

Jincey Lumpkin

Founder and Chief Sexy Officer, Juicy Pink Box

Before I got married I was a big old slut.

I dated and slept with lots of different women, and I conquered with every slick move possible. I tried every possible combination of dating strategies known to humankind. Therefore, I can tell you tricks that work, and which maneuvers will keep you dateless or create awkward moments.

Whether you want to fall in love and get married -- which I did -- or simply acquire some nice booty action, this guide is for you. It's tailored to lesbians, but we can think of it as a guide for "the lesbian inside all of us." This guide covers only online dating. Some other time I will cover the topics of meeting people elsewhere. Until then, read on and discover the magic of online dating.

Internet Dating:

Dating sites offer limitless potential for relationships and casual sex. Don't be an idiot and say, "Oh, Internet dating is just not for me." In an increasingly digital world, meeting lovers online is becoming commonplace. Here are some tips for success:

• Do not use a dorky screen name. Sure, you may love Harry Potter, but your potential dates do not need to know that upfront. Also, don't use a name that is geographically specific like "NYCplayer12." In addition to making you look like a douche, it limits anyone who is not from the area from contacting you.
• Take your time to fill out your profile and answer honestly. Don't say you are skinny if you are fat. Try to give people a feel for your true personality.
• If you absolutely cannot write yourself a good profile, ask a friend to do it for you. My wife asked her friend, a shallow gay male, to write her profile. I loved what she said. Obviously I must be shallow. Oh, well.
• Don't get upset if some hottie that you "wink" at doesn't write you back. Internet dating is a numbers game, so don't fixate on one person. Contact lots of people. Keep the interactions going.
• Unless you live far, far away from each other, don't carry on endless conversations over email. Some websites make you communicate in their system for a certain number of exchanges until you can give out your phone number... that's fine, and it's a safety measure. However, try to talk to people on the phone as soon as possible. I can't tell you how many hours I wasted emailing girls back only to find that the dates never materialized.
• Once you talk to people on the phone, you can pretty much tell if you will get along when you meet face-to-face. If the person has nothing to say on the phone and has a totally flat personality, just move on.

Meeting People from the Internet in Real Life:

The goal of Internet dating is dating -- not chatting or emailing, but dating, which means physically meeting someone.

• For your first date with someone in real life, keep it simple. Do not plan some elaborate date like rock climbing or playing skeet ball or whatever. Tell the person you want to go for a drink. Not dinner. Never dinner, for god's sake -- not until you know if you like them! No lunches, either! No meals, period. I have made the mistake of having to sit through horrible dinners with awful bitches. I don't want to make you suffer the same way. If you like the person, you can always stay for more drinks or go for dinner after you finish your drink.
• However, if you're just out for a one-night stand, then, by all means, make dinner plans. Romance the shit out of that girl. Listen to her talk; ask her about herself. Share commonalities. Nothing makes a girl hornier than "clicking" with someone. See the section below for more tips.
• Don't go for coffee unless you don't drink alcohol. Coffee dates are boring, and they end up being more like interviews than actual dates, where the female juices start flowing.
• If you like each other, you can always plan a sexier, cooler experience for your second date.
• The "don't sleep together on the first date" rule doesn't really apply for lesbians, but that said, don't have crazy, kinky sex unless you met on some website specifically catering to that desire. Save some surprises for later.
• Assume that everyone you are dating is dating other people at the same time. Don't get your panties in a wad if you find out that they have a date the night after yours. You could be scheduling multiple dates yourself -- in fact, you should be.
• If you are not attracted to someone after the first date, then don't go on a second date. It probably won't get better, so don't waste your time.
• To break it off, just don't return phone calls. No need to email the person with reasons why it didn't work out. The only exception to this is if you make a second date and then decide you don't like them. In that case, just tell them you started dating someone else more seriously. People do not need to know why you don't like them.
• I will cover more about how to date in another column, but this info should get you off to a good start with looking for a relationship online.

How to Get Laid from Internet Dating:

• If the goal of your dating experience is tapping ass, let the person know that you're not up for anything serious. It's rude and wrong to lead someone on. However, if the person does not believe you when you say you are not emotionally available, it's not your fault. You warned them!
• If you sense that you have a Fatal Attraction situation on your hands, end the date. Listen to your instincts. If the person is super clingy, it is not worth it to sleep with them. You will have a hot mess to clean up afterward, and it can be really difficult to get rid of stalker types.
• A good way to end a date is by asking for the check. And paying it. Don't make the other person pay if you decide you want to cut out early.
• Before you bring anyone home to close the deal, make sure your house is clean. If you have roommates, clean all common areas yourself. Vacuum, spray some odor eliminator. Clean the hair out of the shower! I am 1,000-percent nosy, and I always snoop around in the bathroom. If there is a bunch of hair in your drain, it's gross, and it really decreases your chances of getting nookie.
• Have some wine and sparkling water available at home for your date. It makes you seem like a smooth player even if you are not. I know this to be true, because it's a move my wife used on our first date. When girls think that you have mad game, it will make them suspicious -- but in a good way.
• Make out. Make out. Make out. Don't go straight for the boobs.
• Also, don't kick her out at the end of the night unless she wants to go. However, sleeping over does not mean that you have to go to breakfast together. Tell her you have a meeting, get dressed and leave the house together.
• Don't plan on going out again with your one-night stand unless the two of you decide together that you will be each other's booty call. Even then, that shit's messy. Dating is dating, and sex is sex. I recommend keeping it that way.
• However, if after the first date you discover that you actually really like the person, then change your strategy and your mindset over, and think of the person as someone you would like to date.

Dating can be rough on your self-esteem, but keep an open mind and an open heart. After all, sometimes fairy tales come true. Mine did.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jincey-lumpkin/juicy-jinceys-guide-to-on_b_1108681.html

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Dating: Mixed signals

by Wise Diva

Most of us have been subjected to the mixed signals of dating. You get a green light, then you get a red one. Things get red hot, then suddenly they turn cold. What gives?!

A friend of mine is dating a guy who only kicks up his efforts when she acts as if she is not interested in him. She will ignore his calls and text messages for a few days and put him on the back burner. That is when he kicks it into high gear and pursues her more. Their most romantic dates usually occur after she decides he is out of her life.

Perhaps it is about having a challenge; maybe he is dating multiple people and wants to keep her in the mix. Do you think that mixed signals is really just a sign that someone is being played?

What do you do when the person you are seeing starts to get a little flaky and inconsistent? If you really like them, do you try to be a little patient or can mixed signals be the deal breaker?

comments

MzNewy

Mixed signals usually indicate the person is unsure of the pursuit. Thus they get put on the back burner. Why make someone a priority when you are only an option? It means they are more than likely dating someone else and want to keep you around just in case things don’t work out with the number one…

MsMarriedUp

Just to note: the behaviors that go on in dating are the same things that happen in marriages…which brings me to noticing this in my marriage. When I’m nice and sweet, he can sometimes act the complete you-know-what. But when I got the ass, then the roles reservse. Once I did ask him about this.

“Why do I have to be mean for you to be sweet?” He didn’t have an answer.

Internet Guy c(._.)o

“It means they are more than likely dating someone else and want to keep you around just in case things don’t work out with the number one…”

I agree with this. Also, it is very immature and somewhat disrespectful to treat someone that way.

I have seen the same type of behavior from women who like to keep a well-intentioned guy in the “friend zone” and string them along in order to use them (favors, pay for a dinner, more).

When someone does that, call them out on it, and prepare to move one.

It’s a sure sign of someone with a) alterior motives, b) selfish or self-centered personality, c) the wrong priorities and someone who has little concern for the feelings of others.

No thanks. Plenty of women out there who will treat a guy right. Why waste time on a woman who’s so “high school.”

I’m tired of this kind of stuff. 

DreamsMaterialize

Morning
Mixed signals could mean the other person isn’t interested, or it could mean that you’re misinterpreting the signals as mixed. Sometimes we just over-analyze things and make them way more complicated than they really are.

disco

good morning guys. glad to see I’m not the only one here today. looks like it might be slow one.

Audra

Hello!

Generally, I find that guys who are giving mixed signals are either keeping you around as their “Plan B” or are actively seeing someone else and don’t want you to know it. If a guy wants to be with you, he will. If he’s playing mind games, there’s a reason. I was letting myself be led around by a dude who was sending mixed signals for over a year. Finally I realized that I was his “Plan B.” Screw that – who wants to be second best? I’ve since given him the boot.

Mike P

Good Morning All,

I can’t speak for all men, but when I give off mixed signals: Its usually when I meet a women I’m sexually attracted to (fleeting) and only have one thing on my mind while the woman has romantic interests in me (on-going). When I’m sexually aroused and its been a minute for me, I’m on fire with her but when I’m good sexually speaking and she wants to do romantic stuff with me I started to feel crowded and annoyed (to hate me for that, can’t help it). This is especially true when I have no romantic interests in her whatsoever.

The rap lyric from Rocko comes to mind: We ain’t going steady! We jus’ mess-around!

Celisea

Good morning,

Back at work….boooo (no really…glad to have a job)

On topic: I’m not okay with mix signals and I try as much as possible to not send any. If I feel the signals are mixed or not sure the direction in which the whole thing is headed, I’m going ask…pointblank. If I cannot get a solid answer, as I admit I could be the one misunderstanding or misinterpreting, I will move on or away from the situation. I won’t dangle though until you can decide. I would think if it’s really not what’s perceived, a conversation will easily clear things up.

I think many many times people simply aren’t sure…and that’s okay. The other side of that coin is it’s not fair to have a person in limbo and you can’t have it both ways. Every person that really do send mix signals knows in their heart of heart they’re unsure. If you want to hold that spot with a person you have to act on your intentions. Can’t sit on your hands and hope for the best.

http://blogs.ajc.com/misadventures-in-atlanta/2011/11/22/dating-mixed-signals/?cxntfid=blogs_misadventures_in_atlanta

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Dating Rules for Women

The Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female

Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.

In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.

You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
• Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
• Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
• If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
• Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
• Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
• If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.

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