11:56 AM
admin
This is featured post 2 title
Replace these every slider sentences with your featured post descriptions.Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these with your own descriptions.
This is featured post 3 title
Replace these every slider sentences with your featured post descriptions.Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these with your own descriptions.
Friday, January 6, 2012
When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong: Relationship Edition
January 6, 2012 By
WRONG!
While last time I talked about the importance of being able to lie as necessary for a happy relationship, the truth is I love telling the truth, and it should be done as much as possible. I’m more than happy to drop my 2 cents when needed (probably explains why I started this blog).
But sometimes … honesty just doesn’t work. There are some things that people don’t every want to or need to hear. There are sometimes when, especially in
***disclaimer*** This applies to people in a real relationship (Girl/Boyfriend,
It looks like you are gaining weight
I’ve been on this earth almost 30 years and no matter what woman in my life I’m talking to, I haven’t found a single successful way to let any of them know they are gaining weight. The few times I was stupid enough to even try it resulted in crying or me being cursed the f* out. Usually this comment comes out of a real belief that
Your friend is a little [sexier, smarter, cuter, a better head giver] than you
Nobody wants to be told by the love of their life that one of their friends would make a better mate. I don’t care if you are talking about Lex Steele, please sell me on the dream that I can do anything and everything he can do, or you just don’t care about whatever he is better at. Now, when we are all in the same room, someone is getting hot every time said friend and the significant other talk for more than 5 minutes. People have died over this … don’t do it.
F* yo couch! aka (That thing you love is dumb as f___)
If you have been with me through the years, you know my musical tastes (F* R&B and give me Chopped & Screwed all day). Once, this chic sitting in my car had the audacity to utter out of her mouth “I think Chopped & Screwed is stupid”. I gave her a side eye so mean that besides instantly causing her head to swell … I damn near hit the car in front of me. Basically, if you don’t like something that your significant other does, don’t call it stupid, don’t insult it (some playful jokes are OK), and don’t make them feel bad about it. People have gotten choked out for less.
Yes I know that s/he likes me, but I don’t like them back
I don’t give a f*. If you know one of your friends wants to steal you away from me, and you have the situation under control, don’t confess to me about that. I will be looking at this person with the fiercest mean mug everytime he enters my presence. And if you ever make the mistake of telling a female that … go ahead and delete the phone number now because she will have a restraining order on her within 24 hours.
I’ve had tighter …
Need I say more? Lie, lie, lie until you think that God is personally about to come down and slap the voice out of your mouth. As far as she needs to know, it’s the tightest, wettest, warmest, and best stuff you have ever gotten into. She is your girl now … not a jumpoff. Think strategically.
I’ve had bigger …
Shhhhheeeeeeeettttttttt! I wish a motherf***er would. I just can’t see how any guy is going to take this well
Honesty is a beautiful thing. When people say what is on their mind, it can give a relationship the staying power it needs. But with great power comes great repsonsibility. Don’t get yourself cut?
What are your “When Keeping It Real in A Relationship Goes Wrong” moments?
- SBM aka EBM aka I know I really am the biggest
8 Things Women Just Don’t Get
By
We, the incredible duo of RightCoastLexSteele and Slim Jackson, are here today to help better the world. We are advocates of efficiency and promoters of peace. Over the last 20 something years, we have made a variety of observations and encountered a plethora of obstacles involving the opposite sex. We also know that our brethren have suffered through equal if not worse foolishness in the confines of their relationships and/or “situations.” In an effort to eliminate headaches on both sides of the line, RCLS and Slim present to you the list of Things Women Just Don’t Get.
1. Ourphones are rarely ever on full-sound alert and not always attached to our bodies.
One of the most irritating and perhaps most commonly asked questions by a significant other is “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” The answer is simple. We often keep our phones on vibrate or silent, and it’s not necessarily because we’re in the streets sliding off with your homegirl. Additionally, we do not keep them at our hips waiting for your call or your text message 24/7. If it is absolutely critical that you get a hold of us at that very moment, be creative. Calling 14 times in a row or sending a “where the f*ck are you?” text every 2 minutes won’t make us hear the vibration any quicker.
2. We don’t like talking on the phone
A major part of the reason our phones are usually no where to be found is because we hate talking on them. This is also the same reason that thelandline jack doesn’t have an answering machine, cuz if you can’t leave a message, it’s practically like your phone call never happened, which saves us the hassle of returning calls. And don’t think it’s just you we don’t like talking to on the phone. Well, maybe it is you but we also don’t like talking to our parents, other loved ones, homeboys, telemarketers…no one. Even if Jesus called, we’d probably tell him to just shoot us an e-mail. Have you ever walked in on your man on a Sunday with the phone stuck to his ear talking to his homeboy about AP’s new cleats? Doubt it. Unless your man lives or is from Atlanta or DC, then maybe. (Yea, we said it.)
3. Just because we’re not clapping our hands rapidly and nodding aggressively at every word doesn’t mean we’re not listening.
Quite honestly, if we did nod our heads aggressively and clap our hands rapidly, that would be kinda gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that. But if we are dating you, you don’t want us to be gay. Just understand that we listen differently and that if you want to keep our attention, don’t keep going on tangents. Keep in mind, timing is everything. Typically, Sunday is not one of our listening days. Love ya.
4. Seriously, I do love you.
No matter the stage of the relationship, there comes a time in every man’s life when his boo claims that he doesn’t show enough affection, which if you translate back into woman-speak really means “You don’t reciprocate enough.” Just because he doesn’t shoot you back an “xo” at the end of every text or end every call with “I miss you/I love you” does not mean he doesn’t feel that way. It just means that he has a Y chromosome. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard my dad tell my mom “I love you”…well, I’d probably owe the nickel guy some money. And don’t “test” him by doing it when you know his boys or other women are around. That’s a demerit.
5. When we say don’t move, that means don’t move.
Now we understand that y’all like to feel a sense of accomplishment when it comes (hehe) to making your man or eff buddy blast off. However, you must understand that there are a certain number of strokes we need to get to before we authorize the deployment of the troops. We don’t speak in opposites like you do. So when we say don’t move or slow down, DO NOT speed up. Though the nut will feel great, we’ll just have to mark the encounter as an incomplete and document the inability to listen in your personnel file. Would you like it if the bus came early (hehe again) and you flagged it to slow down and the driver sped up and left you there? Well then.
6. We like head.
This can not be said or written about enough. We like it, so you should at least act like you like it too. And if you’re feeling particularly ambitious, chug ‘em.
7. Our booboo will always stink.
No point in asking what we ate or what we’re doing in the bathroom. Just know that it will stink and that you really shouldn’t go in there for 10 minutes even if we did spray before we walked out.
8. You can’t be our everything 24/7.
We have lives and we have friends. We also have preferences on what we enjoy. Just because we don’t wanna do what you wanna do doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or that you have decreased significance in our lives. No, I’m not staying home with you while my boys go to Game 7 of the championships and no, I’m not just gonna go see this god awful movie because McDreamy kisses someone. $11.75 may not seem like much, but sometimes it’s the difference between purgatory and hell.
So that’s our list for today. What do the men think of this? Any additions? How about the ladies? We’re sure you wanna tell us about things that men just don’t get. That’s fair game for today. Let’s do this…sideways. Get it? Got it? Good!
Yep. Omegas Can Write Good,
1. Our
One of the most irritating and perhaps most commonly asked questions by a significant other is “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” The answer is simple. We often keep our phones on vibrate or silent, and it’s not necessarily because we’re in the streets sliding off with your homegirl. Additionally, we do not keep them at our hips waiting for your call or your text message 24/7. If it is absolutely critical that you get a hold of us at that very moment, be creative. Calling 14 times in a row or sending a “where the f*ck are you?” text every 2 minutes won’t make us hear the vibration any quicker.
2. We don’t like talking on the phone
A major part of the reason our phones are usually no where to be found is because we hate talking on them. This is also the same reason that the
3. Just because we’re not clapping our hands rapidly and nodding aggressively at every word doesn’t mean we’re not listening.
Quite honestly, if we did nod our heads aggressively and clap our hands rapidly, that would be kinda gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that. But if we are dating you, you don’t want us to be gay. Just understand that we listen differently and that if you want to keep our attention, don’t keep going on tangents. Keep in mind, timing is everything. Typically, Sunday is not one of our listening days. Love ya.
4. Seriously, I do love you.
No matter the stage of the relationship, there comes a time in every man’s life when his boo claims that he doesn’t show enough affection, which if you translate back into woman-speak really means “You don’t reciprocate enough.” Just because he doesn’t shoot you back an “xo” at the end of every text or end every call with “I miss you/I love you” does not mean he doesn’t feel that way. It just means that he has a Y chromosome. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard my dad tell my mom “I love you”…well, I’d probably owe the nickel guy some money. And don’t “test” him by doing it when you know his boys or other women are around. That’s a demerit.
5. When we say don’t move, that means don’t move.
Now we understand that y’all like to feel a sense of accomplishment when it comes (hehe) to making your man or eff buddy blast off. However, you must understand that there are a certain number of strokes we need to get to before we authorize the deployment of the troops. We don’t speak in opposites like you do. So when we say don’t move or slow down, DO NOT speed up. Though the nut will feel great, we’ll just have to mark the encounter as an incomplete and document the inability to listen in your personnel file. Would you like it if the bus came early (hehe again) and you flagged it to slow down and the driver sped up and left you there? Well then.
6. We like head.
This can not be said or written about enough. We like it, so you should at least act like you like it too. And if you’re feeling particularly ambitious, chug ‘em.
7. Our booboo will always stink.
No point in asking what we ate or what we’re doing in the bathroom. Just know that it will stink and that you really shouldn’t go in there for 10 minutes even if we did spray before we walked out.
8. You can’t be our everything 24/7.
We have lives and we have friends. We also have preferences on what we enjoy. Just because we don’t wanna do what you wanna do doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or that you have decreased significance in our lives. No, I’m not staying home with you while my boys go to Game 7 of the championships and no, I’m not just gonna go see this god awful movie because McDreamy kisses someone. $11.75 may not seem like much, but sometimes it’s the difference between purgatory and hell.
So that’s our list for today. What do the men think of this? Any additions? How about the ladies? We’re sure you wanna tell us about things that men just don’t get. That’s fair game for today. Let’s do this…sideways. Get it? Got it? Good!
Yep. Omegas Can Write Good,
8 Signs That Girl Might Be Hoe …
There are a lot of bucket heads out here. Out of the bucket heads, there are a lot of hoes, scuttlebutts, scip scop scallywags, and scoundrels out here. So I felt, that I should share some of the signs that the girl your talking to, the potenital Mrs whatever, your future baby’s mama … may be a hoe. Feel free to augment the list.
8. She won’t share her “Magic Number” (how many people she f*cked)
I know not everyone agrees with this, and I know there are a couple of readers who disagree … but if the girl your serious with is just adamant about not sharing … you might want to take a double take. And I know I’m going to catch hell for this one, but I just feel like what do you have to hide? If its not that high, or not that bad … then she would say something.
7. She gets in every club for free and knows every promoter
She could be a friendly person. She could just be well connected. She could just have a very good promoter friend … or … she could be f*cking (or have f*cked) every single one of them. I only say this one because I knew a girl sleeping her way through every line.
6. There is a password lock on her phone
The guys I know who lock their
phones are whores (no offense). The last girl I messed with who had an automatic lock on her phone was a little more promiscous than she led on intially. Could be just me … but I don’t trust it!
5. She keeps condoms and KY in her purse
Condoms in the purse isn’t the worst thing nowadays. I personally like a girl who at leasts keeps condoms where she lives because it shows she treats safe sex just as importantly as I do. Keeping condoms in your purse would make me think twice, but I wouldn’t double take or anything. If you had condoms and a pack of KY jelly or astroglide … well … you came prepared to do something serious … and prolly do it a lot.
4. She keepsPregnancy Tests at her place
Uh … why else would she keep tests like this at her apartment/house/shack unless she was f*cking so much … you just could “never know”! If you see more than one … you know whats up!
3. She says “blah blah blah … when are we gonna f*ck” … on the first date
Maybe she really really likes you. Maybe your just the ying to her yang and she can’t wait to connect. Maybe she knows that sleeping with you on the first date is a good way to
start a relationship (HA!). Or maybe … she’s a hoe!
2. She kindly says “that was an hour and will be $120″ after the deed.
Do I really need to explain this one??? Sure, maybe she just wants some cab money back home and thinks you should front the bill. Who knows … maybe she kept the time just to let you know how long you lasted. Who knows …
1. Your friend says … “that girls a hoe”
This is proabably the biggest one. If your friend, and I mean a good friend, tells you your girl is a hoe, you basically have to believe him. She is going to say some stupid stuff like “Don’t you trust me” or “He’s just jealous because he tried to get with me” … but don’t believe that bullsh*t. Guys aren’t like “others”. We don’t bicker, backstab, and make up random lies … he probably has your best interests at heart.
8. She won’t share her “Magic Number” (how many people she f*cked)
I know not everyone agrees with this, and I know there are a couple of readers who disagree … but if the girl your serious with is just adamant about not sharing … you might want to take a double take. And I know I’m going to catch hell for this one, but I just feel like what do you have to hide? If its not that high, or not that bad … then she would say something.
7. She gets in every club for free and knows every promoter
She could be a friendly person. She could just be well connected. She could just have a very good promoter friend … or … she could be f*cking (or have f*cked) every single one of them. I only say this one because I knew a girl sleeping her way through every line.
6. There is a password lock on her phone
The guys I know who lock their
5. She keeps condoms and KY in her purse
Condoms in the purse isn’t the worst thing nowadays. I personally like a girl who at leasts keeps condoms where she lives because it shows she treats safe sex just as importantly as I do. Keeping condoms in your purse would make me think twice, but I wouldn’t double take or anything. If you had condoms and a pack of KY jelly or astroglide … well … you came prepared to do something serious … and prolly do it a lot.
4. She keeps
Uh … why else would she keep tests like this at her apartment/house/shack unless she was f*cking so much … you just could “never know”! If you see more than one … you know whats up!
3. She says “blah blah blah … when are we gonna f*ck” … on the first date
Maybe she really really likes you. Maybe your just the ying to her yang and she can’t wait to connect. Maybe she knows that sleeping with you on the first date is a good way to
2. She kindly says “that was an hour and will be $120″ after the deed.
Do I really need to explain this one??? Sure, maybe she just wants some cab money back home and thinks you should front the bill. Who knows … maybe she kept the time just to let you know how long you lasted. Who knows …
1. Your friend says … “that girls a hoe”
This is proabably the biggest one. If your friend, and I mean a good friend, tells you your girl is a hoe, you basically have to believe him. She is going to say some stupid stuff like “Don’t you trust me” or “He’s just jealous because he tried to get with me” … but don’t believe that bullsh*t. Guys aren’t like “others”. We don’t bicker, backstab, and make up random lies … he probably has your best interests at heart.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Turn Your Difficult Man Into The Loving Caring Partner You Deserve - Starting TODAY
by Rori Raye
Does your relationship hurt?
Are you in love with a man who is breaking your heart, putting you down, making you feel unloved, unwanted? Do you feel like you’re always on a roller coaster of emotions, but you’re too scared or addicted to leave?
You don’t have to be in such pain any more. I can help you quickly determine whether your man is truly toxic for you… or if he’s actually a good guy in disguise. I’ll give you the Tools to transform your man into a genuine good guy and finally have a close, connected relationship. I’ll also show you how to identify a truly dangerous man and how to leave him with your peace of mind intact.
I understand what you’re going through. For most of my life, I fell in love with all the wrong men. I remember one man - I was head over heels in love with. He was so attentive and seemed like a dream-come-true when I first met him. We had everything in common - the same interests, the same careers - even the same ENERGY.
We both talked fast, we were both so enthusiastic and demonstrative. It was totally thrilling from the first moment.
Then my worst fears started coming true. He started to put me down - from the clothes I wore to the way I stood, to how I did ANYTHING. All of a sudden I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him, which made me feel small and weak, and powerless. But because I’d already invested so much time and energy and love in him, I just let it go on… and on… and on.
I kept trying to change the way I acted or talked around him, in hopes that I could “smooth things over” and make him love me more. And I blamed myself all the time, thinking I wasn’t strong enough to handle the situation and make it right.
He would be intense and romantic one day… then ignore me for days afterward.
He would talk about all the wonderful things he wanted us to do together, and I would feel like there was something to look forward to… but a few weeks later he’d get “amnesia,” and nothing changed.
As bad as things got, I was terrified to leave him. I would actually think, “What if there’s nothing better out there?”
So I stuck it out, and all the while I kept losing myself. I couldn’t relax. I felt lost and weak.
Love ISN’T supposed to feel this way. So…
This is because Toxic Men have some really compelling POSITIVE QUALITIES. These positive qualities are a huge part of the reason why you stay with him for as long as you do.
These POSITIVE QUALITIES are so powerful, so addicting, you almost can’t help yourself. He may be extremely romantic at times, telling you how attracted he is to you and how “different” you are from any other woman he’s met. This can make you feel very wanted and beautiful.
I experimented with putting my energy back into myself and my work instead of into HIM and HIS work. And I started to see myself as a separate person again. All of a sudden his clever put-downs and complaining and pointing out my weaknesses seemed childish.
And, amazingly enough - he STOPPED putting me down. By focusing on myself rather than him, I instinctively felt more like stepping away from him when he was nasty to me instead of working harder to win his approval in that moment. And - he changed.
But not enough… He DID transform, but I realized that the man he was wasn’t enough for me. Understanding what I wanted and deserved in a relationship helped me break the addiction and move on.
Ultimately, something magical happened - the good guy who would become my husband appeared. And, when the inevitable ups and downs of relationships showed up with my husband, I knew how to deal with it. Because I KNEW he was worth it.
It is possible to change the way your man feels about you and behaves toward you. I want to help YOU get back the love, honesty and authenticity you’ve lost along the way in your relationship with your own Toxic Man.
If you discover that your relationship DOES have more good points than bad, I can help you get 100% of the GOOD from the man in your life. If you come to realize your relationship is not worth fixing, I’ll help you get to a place where you can walk away with complete peace of mind and clarity that you’re ending things not because someone says you should, but because you WANT to.
How can you tell if the negative qualities he has and the painful things he does are just minor flaws you can work with, or if they mean he is a Toxic Man? How do you know if he’s able to LEARN to fix his mistakes and do better - consistently better - or if these are signs he is dangerous to be in a relationship with?
The truth is, ALL of us have SOME negative qualities. Depending on what his are, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s 100% toxic and that you can’t have a loving, happy, fulfilling relationship with him.
This step is crucial, because you can have a successful relationship with a man who has a toxic QUALITIES, but you will NEVER BE HAPPY with a Toxic Man.
But you will NEVER change your relationship if you just try to treat the symptom.
What do I mean when I say that?
If you’ve been focused on how to get him to be less selfish, less rude, less controlling or more mature, you’ve been treating the “symptoms” instead of addressing the cause. His behavior has a much deeper root cause than simply not knowing how to be kind, respectful or trusting.
The way your man behaves toward you has more to do with your RELATIONSHIP and the way you engage together, than it does with his rudeness, selfishness or dishonesty.
By focusing just on his negative qualities and not considering the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP holistically, you’ve been trying to cure an infection by changing the band-aid.
That’s right. By treating the true “infection,” you not only get a loving, supportive, stable, balanced relationship… you also get all those POSITIVE qualities that kept you hanging on until now. The sweet words, the closeness, the grand gestures. And you get to be even stronger, happier, and confident in yourself.
Does your relationship hurt?
Are you in love with a man who is breaking your heart, putting you down, making you feel unloved, unwanted? Do you feel like you’re always on a roller coaster of emotions, but you’re too scared or addicted to leave?
You don’t have to be in such pain any more. I can help you quickly determine whether your man is truly toxic for you… or if he’s actually a good guy in disguise. I’ll give you the Tools to transform your man into a genuine good guy and finally have a close, connected relationship. I’ll also show you how to identify a truly dangerous man and how to leave him with your peace of mind intact.
I understand what you’re going through. For most of my life, I fell in love with all the wrong men. I remember one man - I was head over heels in love with. He was so attentive and seemed like a dream-come-true when I first met him. We had everything in common - the same interests, the same careers - even the same ENERGY.
We both talked fast, we were both so enthusiastic and demonstrative. It was totally thrilling from the first moment.
Then my worst fears started coming true. He started to put me down - from the clothes I wore to the way I stood, to how I did ANYTHING. All of a sudden I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him, which made me feel small and weak, and powerless. But because I’d already invested so much time and energy and love in him, I just let it go on… and on… and on.
I kept trying to change the way I acted or talked around him, in hopes that I could “smooth things over” and make him love me more. And I blamed myself all the time, thinking I wasn’t strong enough to handle the situation and make it right.
He would be intense and romantic one day… then ignore me for days afterward.
He would talk about all the wonderful things he wanted us to do together, and I would feel like there was something to look forward to… but a few weeks later he’d get “amnesia,” and nothing changed.
As bad as things got, I was terrified to leave him. I would actually think, “What if there’s nothing better out there?”
So I stuck it out, and all the while I kept losing myself. I couldn’t relax. I felt lost and weak.
Love ISN’T supposed to feel this way. So…
Why It Is So Hard To Leave A Toxic Man?
When women are faced with a man with toxic qualities, we immediately try to figure out how we can change him and make him a better version of himself, instead of walking away.This is because Toxic Men have some really compelling POSITIVE QUALITIES. These positive qualities are a huge part of the reason why you stay with him for as long as you do.
These POSITIVE QUALITIES are so powerful, so addicting, you almost can’t help yourself. He may be extremely romantic at times, telling you how attracted he is to you and how “different” you are from any other woman he’s met. This can make you feel very wanted and beautiful.
Breaking The Pattern Of Toxic Relationships - So You Feel Loved And Supported… Forever
I knew something had to change in my toxic relationship. I had to find my way back to the strong, courageous and joyous woman I used to be.I experimented with putting my energy back into myself and my work instead of into HIM and HIS work. And I started to see myself as a separate person again. All of a sudden his clever put-downs and complaining and pointing out my weaknesses seemed childish.
And, amazingly enough - he STOPPED putting me down. By focusing on myself rather than him, I instinctively felt more like stepping away from him when he was nasty to me instead of working harder to win his approval in that moment. And - he changed.
But not enough… He DID transform, but I realized that the man he was wasn’t enough for me. Understanding what I wanted and deserved in a relationship helped me break the addiction and move on.
Ultimately, something magical happened - the good guy who would become my husband appeared. And, when the inevitable ups and downs of relationships showed up with my husband, I knew how to deal with it. Because I KNEW he was worth it.
You Have More Power Than You Think To Turn Any Relationship Around
It is possible to change the way your man feels about you and behaves toward you.When everything turned around for me, I finally realized that we as women have much more power over a man than we think.
It is possible to change the way your man feels about you and behaves toward you. I want to help YOU get back the love, honesty and authenticity you’ve lost along the way in your relationship with your own Toxic Man.
3 Steps To Transforming Your Man From “Toxic” To “Loving”
STEP 1 -- Find Out If He’s Toxic, Or Just “Making Mistakes”
This step is the most important - and the absolute hardest for most of us!How can you tell if the negative qualities he has and the painful things he does are just minor flaws you can work with, or if they mean he is a Toxic Man? How do you know if he’s able to LEARN to fix his mistakes and do better - consistently better - or if these are signs he is dangerous to be in a relationship with?
The truth is, ALL of us have SOME negative qualities. Depending on what his are, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s 100% toxic and that you can’t have a loving, happy, fulfilling relationship with him.
This step is crucial, because you can have a successful relationship with a man who has a toxic QUALITIES, but you will NEVER BE HAPPY with a Toxic Man.
STEP 2 -- Stop Treating The Symptoms
When we’re faced with a man with toxic qualities, we immediately try to figure out how we can change him and make him a better version of himself.But you will NEVER change your relationship if you just try to treat the symptom.
What do I mean when I say that?
If you’ve been focused on how to get him to be less selfish, less rude, less controlling or more mature, you’ve been treating the “symptoms” instead of addressing the cause. His behavior has a much deeper root cause than simply not knowing how to be kind, respectful or trusting.
The way your man behaves toward you has more to do with your RELATIONSHIP and the way you engage together, than it does with his rudeness, selfishness or dishonesty.
By focusing just on his negative qualities and not considering the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP holistically, you’ve been trying to cure an infection by changing the band-aid.
Step 3 -- Start Transforming Your Man
Once you stop trying to change a specific quality in your man (or symptom) you can start focusing on changing your entire relationship. And when you change the nature of the relationship… YOU CHANGE THE MAN!That’s right. By treating the true “infection,” you not only get a loving, supportive, stable, balanced relationship… you also get all those POSITIVE qualities that kept you hanging on until now. The sweet words, the closeness, the grand gestures. And you get to be even stronger, happier, and confident in yourself.
Turn Your Difficult Man Into The Loving Caring Partner You Deserve - Starting TODAY
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
10 Reasons We Love Dating Black Men
The Way You Move
From the President to the UPS delivery man, Black men walk like they own the place—and they do. Carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, they still manage to glide across the room. And we’re most certainly watching.By Charreah Jackson
Those Lips
Along with sexy smiles, Black men are cornering the market on juicy lips. Whispering to us during a movie, savoring a bite during dinner, or even a flashing a little frown can have us thinking some heated thoughts.
Tell It Like It Is
Know what I’m saying? We most certainly do. We love a brother’s ability to infuse a few terms from around the way along with Webster’s finest after a long day. When street smarts meet book smarts and common sense, that’s real education.
Dear Mama
We don’t mind if a Black man takes another woman’s call in front of us, as long as it ends with “Love you too, mama.” The way a man treats his mother is definitely a sign on how he views women, and Black men have a sweet spot when it comes to their moms. What’s sexier than that?
Swagger Like Us
No one can wear their hat cocked to the side just so like a Black man can. Whether 18 or 81, on Saville Row in London or on South Street in Philly, sporting a Yankee fitted or a fedora—it just doesn’t look the same on anyone else.
Say What?
“Times like this I wish that raindrops would fall.” Forget Shakespeare and Sinatra. There is nothing better than being with a Black man and not having to explain your favorite movie and TV quotes—from Eddie King, Jr. to Shug Avery, Joe Clark and Martin Payne.
Beyond Our Hard Shell
Black men realize that being a strong Black woman is for survival and one part of our multidimensional personalities. You being strong allows us to be soft and let our hair down (in all its hues and textures). And we’ll do the same when your soft and loving side wants company.
Beautiful Dreamer
We’ve all got a daddy or uncle who believes in his outlandish plans for success—even when nobody else does. We love the drive and ambition of a Black man to see what doesn’t yet exist, and most importantly he is putting in the hard work to make it happen.
Truth of Our Tresses
Even Jay-Z knows not to stick his hand in wifey’s hair. We don’t know where Chris Rock found the Black men included in “Good Hair,” but the brothers we love understand our hair history and know to admire our tresses from afar, unless told otherwise. Black men also realize they’ve made it to a new level of intimacy when we pull out that scarf that keeps things fresh.
Oh, the Memories
We go waaaaay back. Black men share our long and deep history of pride, pain and progress. We share common knowledge on when it’s appropriate to whip out the race card, and when to look in the mirror. We are partners to create and mold the next generation, as we remember the ones before.What do you love most about dating Black men?
Do Bad Guys Always Get the Girl?
When Mr. Nice loses out to Mr. Naughty in the dating game
If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy always gets the girl. And didn't it seem that the bad boys at school always had the hottest babes? The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls. We see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America's Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what has gone awry?Men are confused. We like to refer to stereotypes and work from them. Men are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy. But then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides. Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends like crap, never calls, is rude and disrespect appears to have a fan club developing. Life, my friends, can seem unfair. But let's look at what is going on with this scenario.
Interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and have developed their own code of conduct. They do what they want. They go where they want. They answer to no one. They are, in other words, fascinating. Tow the line, do as you are told and inevitably you will be become dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not.
Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they're about and don't really care what others think. They are their own men and don't need others to prop them up. Bad guys don't have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos, who is immensely attractive despite his rotund appearance. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves, but that doesn't make them any less attractive.
Plus bad guys are a challenge. We all love a challenge, and women may love a challenge even more than the boys. If something is a challenge, the end results must surely be worthwhile, right? The girls who go after bad guys want to find the pot of gold at the end of crazy rainbow. They will go to great lengths to solve their mysteries. And once they have them, once they've conquered the challenge, they don't want to let go. Plus it makes for an exciting roller coaster ride because the bad guy could walk away at any moment. The greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort they'll put forth to keep them. And there may be a lesson there.
What do we have if we combine these facets? Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality equals sexiness. That is exactly what the bad boy is, so it's no surprise that this type of guy often get the gal. It doesn't mean to say that we like them, and it doesn't mean it is fair or even a good thing, but raw attraction can be nature's way.
I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. Not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our arsenal of dating weaponry. How you perceive yourself that matters the most. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life, then you'll get that bad boy confidence. And that attitude will boost your attractiveness. You don't need to go around being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.
The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics, analyze what is it that you think potential partners would like and think about how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.
Do Bad Guys Always Get the Girl?
Theft suspect accused of targeting Korean men on dating websites
Sunmee Kim, arrested last month, victimized at least six men in Los Angeles and Orange counties, authorities say. They have tracked her activities back to 2009 and believe there are other victims.
Police said they are seeking additional victims of a woman who allegedly used Internet dating sites to target Korean men in Los Angeles and Orange counties and then stole their property.
Investigators said they believe Sunmee Kim, 36, targeted men who trolled websites such as koreancupid.com and then met with them.
Police arrested her Dec. 21 on outstanding warrants issued from both counties.
The arrest came a week after Kim reported that she had been a victim of domestic violence, police said. Investigators said they later determined that the Los Angeles woman was not a crime victim at all and had reported her allegation while using a stolen identity.
Police said that, on the basis of her initial report, they believe Kim had a 44-year-old Irvine businessman she met on koreancupid.com removed from his own home.
While the man was in custody, Kim allegedly burglarized his house.
A detective later matched her fingerprints to those in a criminal database after becoming suspicious about inconsistencies in her report, police said.
Detectives said they have tracked Kim's activities as far back as 2009, when the first known incident involving her occurred.
On multiple occasions Kim has stolen Korean women's identities and targeted Korean men she met over the Internet, police said.
Kim has been connected to at least six cases, police said, but detectives believe there are more victims.
Theft suspect accused of targeting Korean men on dating websites
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Dating Advice for Women
What constantly surprises me is the lack of effort people put intotheir dating lives (both men and women). They will spend 12-14 years inschool and 4 years in college to get a good job, but they will invest almost notime in improving their love lives.
Crazy, huh? A recent relationship survey showed that to most women, theirhusband or partner is more important to them than their job.Yet they have spent almost no time discovering the important things tocatch and keep a great man:
Thinkabout that for a minute. When was the last time you sat down andfigured out what you needed to do to find and keep a man that wasattractive, charming and someone you would like to introduce to yourfriends?
Most single girls answered that they just needed to be a littlethinner, dress a little better or be in better shape. This is great advice if you arejust looking for a man who wants sex and doesn't particularly careabout you or how you feel.
Butwhat about finding a man that does care about you? A man that wants tospend time with you. A man that doesn't want the date to end. A manthat feels a pang of jealousy when he sees you with anyone but him?
Thisis where good looks will not help you. He may pretend that he likes youjust so he can get you into bed one more time. But what about the guywho isn't only concerned with hanging out after 9pm and getting a blow job? What about the guywho just wants to spend time with you?
Like Isaid before, this is where your looks will not help you. But what you do and say will.
Becausemost women never invest the time and energy into learning what it isthat captivates a man and makes him crave you, there are only a fewthat truly know the secret of catching and keeping a man's heart.
Ionce met a girl that knew how to capture a man's heart. She wasamazing. Everytime I saw her, I felt a little dizzy. Every kiss feltbetter than the last. And every time we had sex, I was in heaven.
Needlessto say, when she left me I was truly heartbroken. It's been over 2years and I still haven't met anyone that comes close to her.
As a way to get over her, I have decided to write these dating tipsfor women based on how she acted around me, to help give you some'super powers' for attracting the man of your dreams.
Belowyou'll find some of the dating advice that guests have written for thesite. It's certainly nowhere near as helpful as the information thatyou'll find in the book, but hopefully you'll be able to find someuseful tips in there.
Let's be real for a minute. There is not one perfectpiece of dating advice for womento fix your love life and find the man of your dreams. Luckily thereare some really great things you can start doing now to increase yousuccess with men and give yourself the best possible chance of findingtheman of your dreams.
Not justadvice forattracting men, but getting into great, long- lasting relationshipswithguys too.
At the end of this page there are more articles with datingadvice for women, but for nowthere is some core information that you always need to keep in mindwhen either flirting and chatting with guys or when you are in arelationship with them.
Guys may be attracted to you because of your looks, which can be great,but if the rest of your life is a train wreck then any potentialrelationship will not last.
On top of this, you will have other things going on in your life, whichleads us to...
Droppingeverything for a guy is not attractive.Guys mayappreciate it for a date or two. But they will quickly grow bored ofyou because you just become like every other girl to him. This is whyhaving an active social life is so important. This is a reallyconuter-intuitive bit of dating advice for women, but have fatih, itworks! Remember how you reallywanted that one guy because you could never get his full attention? Hewas a challenge....
Imagine the Super Bowl (strange analogy, but please listen). It's theultimate prize for a football player. They spend all of high school andcollege just to have the chance to make a team that might never evenmake it to the Super Bowl. It's incredibly tough and 99.99% of footballplayers never make it. But for the ones that do, it's the ultimateprize. They value it because it's a challenge. They don't valuefootball socks as much because you can get them in a shop or borrowthem.
You need to be the Super Bowl, not just another pair of stinky footballsocks, lol!
So in the dating world, that means you have to make men work hard towin you over. You need to be a challenge and we all know that men lovechallenges
Yes you may be attracted to him and enjoy flirting with him, but if youknowhe is a player, then your best bet is to stay away unless you are happytobe tossed aside for the next girl he wants.
There are two things you need to do.
First does he respect you? Is he the kind of guy that will treatyou properly or will he just tell his friends about every detail?
Then you will probably be wondering is her attracted to you.Check out the article for some great tips to know the signs to look outfor if he is attracted to you.
Sure guys are logical and want to fix things. But at the start of arelationship, unloading all your problems onto a guy is not smart. Itsmells of 'help fix my problems, I can't do it myself'.
Thisis probably the harshest bit of dating advice for women you'll hear,but sometimes you really have to work hard to make a relationship work.
(*This is super important at the start of any relationship but less soas it becomes more serious)
He needs to know when he has stepped over the line. There is no need tothrow your drink at him. But ignore him for a little bit. If it happensagain, you need to tell him straight up when you are alone that you arewalking if he ever tries it again.
It might sound harsh or mean. Well that's because it is. Butrelationships aren't always a breeze. The good ones take work and notrewarding bad behavior is probably the most imposrtant point to takefrom this dating advice for women.
"How come he never tells me how he feels?"
Here's the thing. If a guy is truly mad about you, then he will open upwhen he is ready.
Prodding and pleading with him to open up about his feelings will gethim doing the exact opposite (the scientific term is cognitivedissonance folks). If he does open up it's only because he felt forcedto and will resent you for it.
You're not the only one. Guys do this too. They act macho and like topretend that every girl wants them.
It's okay to present yourself as perfect for the first few dates but ifyou feel like you have to always be 'on' then you will put unneededstress on yourself. This is probably the most important of all thedating advice for women that you can use if you want your relationshipsto last in the long term.
Added to this, the guy you are with will start to notice cracks andslowly start questioning whether or not you are who you say you are.
So you need to bereal when flirting, chatting and dating guys. If theydon't like you for who you are then don't bother with them.
Does this mean I should tell them about my problems straight away.
HELL NO!
Just don't desperately try to hide every single little and imperfectionand blemish.
BE REAL
Hope you enjoyed this introduction to dating advice for women, for moregreat dating tips, tactics, information and general dating advice forwomen, check out thisarticles below
Signshe is Attracted to you
Doesmy Crush like me back?
Tipsfor Dating Older men
Whatmen want in a Woman
Isheattracted to me?
DatingTips for Girls
MoreDating Tips for Girls
RomanticDating Tips
What menwant from Women
How totell if a guy likes you
How toget a guy to like you
How toget a guy to notice you
How to makea guy jealous
What attracts men
Howto get a guy to ask you out
How to flirtwith a guy
Signsof a Cheating Boyfriend
Does He Love Me
Howto make a guy fall in love with you
How tokeep your man happy
How tomake a guy want you
Howto catch a cheating boyfriend
How to pleaseyou Man
What Men want inBed
How to Flirtwith Men
What Menfind Attractive
How toKeep Him Interested
FlirtingTips for Shy GIrls
Does He ReallyLove Me?
How to Turn aGuy On
FlirtyText Messages
IsHe The One
Signs of Flirting
Dirty TextMessages
How to Get HimBack
I Love MyBoyfriend
Crazy, huh? A recent relationship survey showed that to most women, theirhusband or partner is more important to them than their job.Yet they have spent almost no time discovering the important things tocatch and keep a great man:
-> What it isthat attracts a great guy.
-> How keep him faithful.
-> How to get him to invest in a relationship.
-> How keep him faithful.
-> How to get him to invest in a relationship.
Thinkabout that for a minute. When was the last time you sat down andfigured out what you needed to do to find and keep a man that wasattractive, charming and someone you would like to introduce to yourfriends?
Most single girls answered that they just needed to be a littlethinner, dress a little better or be in better shape. This is great advice if you arejust looking for a man who wants sex and doesn't particularly careabout you or how you feel.
Butwhat about finding a man that does care about you? A man that wants tospend time with you. A man that doesn't want the date to end. A manthat feels a pang of jealousy when he sees you with anyone but him?
Thisis where good looks will not help you. He may pretend that he likes youjust so he can get you into bed one more time. But what about the guywho isn't only concerned with hanging out after 9pm and getting a blow job? What about the guywho just wants to spend time with you?
Like Isaid before, this is where your looks will not help you. But what you do and say will.
Becausemost women never invest the time and energy into learning what it isthat captivates a man and makes him crave you, there are only a fewthat truly know the secret of catching and keeping a man's heart.
Ionce met a girl that knew how to capture a man's heart. She wasamazing. Everytime I saw her, I felt a little dizzy. Every kiss feltbetter than the last. And every time we had sex, I was in heaven.
Needlessto say, when she left me I was truly heartbroken. It's been over 2years and I still haven't met anyone that comes close to her.
As a way to get over her, I have decided to write these dating tipsfor women based on how she acted around me, to help give you some'super powers' for attracting the man of your dreams.
Belowyou'll find some of the dating advice that guests have written for thesite. It's certainly nowhere near as helpful as the information thatyou'll find in the book, but hopefully you'll be able to find someuseful tips in there.
Dating Adviceby Various Guests of Real-Dating-Tips.com
Let's be real for a minute. There is not one perfectpiece of dating advice for womento fix your love life and find the man of your dreams. Luckily thereare some really great things you can start doing now to increase yousuccess with men and give yourself the best possible chance of findingtheman of your dreams.
Not justadvice forattracting men, but getting into great, long- lasting relationshipswithguys too.
At the end of this page there are more articles with datingadvice for women, but for nowthere is some core information that you always need to keep in mindwhen either flirting and chatting with guys or when you are in arelationship with them.
1. Get a life
What does this mean exactly? Make sure you take care of your life andyourneedsfirst. Make sure that your health, job/school and other relationshipsare in order.Guys may be attracted to you because of your looks, which can be great,but if the rest of your life is a train wreck then any potentialrelationship will not last.
On top of this, you will have other things going on in your life, whichleads us to...
2. Do not drop anything for a guy
So you met the guy of your dreams last weekend. Now he wants to hangout on Wednesday evening. But you already organized to go for drinkswith the girls on Wednesday evening. You may want to ditch the girlsand go on a date with this guy. But and there is a big but....Droppingeverything for a guy is not attractive.Guys mayappreciate it for a date or two. But they will quickly grow bored ofyou because you just become like every other girl to him. This is whyhaving an active social life is so important. This is a reallyconuter-intuitive bit of dating advice for women, but have fatih, itworks! Remember how you reallywanted that one guy because you could never get his full attention? Hewas a challenge....
3. Be a challenge
Guys like girls that they have to chase after. They value girls theyhave to catch more than pushovers.Imagine the Super Bowl (strange analogy, but please listen). It's theultimate prize for a football player. They spend all of high school andcollege just to have the chance to make a team that might never evenmake it to the Super Bowl. It's incredibly tough and 99.99% of footballplayers never make it. But for the ones that do, it's the ultimateprize. They value it because it's a challenge. They don't valuefootball socks as much because you can get them in a shop or borrowthem.
You need to be the Super Bowl, not just another pair of stinky footballsocks, lol!
So in the dating world, that means you have to make men work hard towin you over. You need to be a challenge and we all know that men lovechallenges
4. Have standards
Being a challenge is one thing, but having standards is another. Justbecause a guy is cute, rich, captain of his high school football teamor has a great job does not mean you should start dating him.Yes you may be attracted to him and enjoy flirting with him, but if youknowhe is a player, then your best bet is to stay away unless you are happytobe tossed aside for the next girl he wants.
There are two things you need to do.
First does he respect you? Is he the kind of guy that will treatyou properly or will he just tell his friends about every detail?
Then you will probably be wondering is her attracted to you.Check out the article for some great tips to know the signs to look outfor if he is attracted to you.
5. Do not treat him as youremotional sponge*
Maybe you had a bad day at work or had a fight with your family. Themost unattractive thing you can do is to pour out all your feelingsthinking it will get the guy you want.Sure guys are logical and want to fix things. But at the start of arelationship, unloading all your problems onto a guy is not smart. Itsmells of 'help fix my problems, I can't do it myself'.
Thisis probably the harshest bit of dating advice for women you'll hear,but sometimes you really have to work hard to make a relationship work.
(*This is super important at the start of any relationship but less soas it becomes more serious)
6. Do not reward bad behavior
If a guy cancels a date with you without a decent reason or teases youtoo much in front of his/your friends, the worst thing you can do issmile and laugh.He needs to know when he has stepped over the line. There is no need tothrow your drink at him. But ignore him for a little bit. If it happensagain, you need to tell him straight up when you are alone that you arewalking if he ever tries it again.
It might sound harsh or mean. Well that's because it is. Butrelationships aren't always a breeze. The good ones take work and notrewarding bad behavior is probably the most imposrtant point to takefrom this dating advice for women.
7. Let him open up when he wants to
Ever wonder what he's thinking about."How come he never tells me how he feels?"
Here's the thing. If a guy is truly mad about you, then he will open upwhen he is ready.
Prodding and pleading with him to open up about his feelings will gethim doing the exact opposite (the scientific term is cognitivedissonance folks). If he does open up it's only because he felt forcedto and will resent you for it.
8. Be real
Everybody has an ideal version of themselves that they would like otherpeople to see. They hope that the guy they are trying to attract seesthem this way too. Perfect beauty, perfect life.You're not the only one. Guys do this too. They act macho and like topretend that every girl wants them.
It's okay to present yourself as perfect for the first few dates but ifyou feel like you have to always be 'on' then you will put unneededstress on yourself. This is probably the most important of all thedating advice for women that you can use if you want your relationshipsto last in the long term.
Added to this, the guy you are with will start to notice cracks andslowly start questioning whether or not you are who you say you are.
So you need to bereal when flirting, chatting and dating guys. If theydon't like you for who you are then don't bother with them.
Does this mean I should tell them about my problems straight away.
HELL NO!
Just don't desperately try to hide every single little and imperfectionand blemish.
BE REAL
Hope you enjoyed this introduction to dating advice for women, for moregreat dating tips, tactics, information and general dating advice forwomen, check out thisarticles below
Signshe is Attracted to you
Doesmy Crush like me back?
Tipsfor Dating Older men
Whatmen want in a Woman
Isheattracted to me?
DatingTips for Girls
MoreDating Tips for Girls
RomanticDating Tips
What menwant from Women
How totell if a guy likes you
How toget a guy to like you
How toget a guy to notice you
How to makea guy jealous
What attracts men
Howto get a guy to ask you out
How to flirtwith a guy
Signsof a Cheating Boyfriend
Does He Love Me
Howto make a guy fall in love with you
How tokeep your man happy
How tomake a guy want you
Howto catch a cheating boyfriend
How to pleaseyou Man
What Men want inBed
How to Flirtwith Men
What Menfind Attractive
How toKeep Him Interested
FlirtingTips for Shy GIrls
Does He ReallyLove Me?
How to Turn aGuy On
FlirtyText Messages
IsHe The One
Signs of Flirting
Dirty TextMessages
How to Get HimBack
I Love MyBoyfriend
Monday, January 2, 2012
Real Love in Dating
Millions of us are out there looking for the “right person”—in bars, at parties, in clubs, at church, and on Internet dating sites, to name a few of the ways we look. Many of us actually succeed in finding what we’re looking for, and then we fall in love, but what happens after that?
60% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% of married women have indicated that if not for finances and children, they would leave their husbands. That leaves only 20% of marriages that would even survive if the partners felt they had a reasonable choice to leave. It is my experience—and that of many other counselors—that 1-2% of all married couples achieve relationships that are as rewarding as they had once hoped.
The problem seems obvious: Once we find the “right person,” we still have no idea what to do with the relationship. And until we do something dramatically different from what everyone else is doing, our chances of establishing a genuinely happy long-term relationship are truly terrible.
Instead of frantically looking for the next “right person” in our life, what we really need is to learn how to create and sustain loving and rewarding relationships
Instead of frantically looking for the next “right person” in our life, what we really need is to learn how to create and sustain loving and rewarding relationships
| What We All Want Most — Unconditional Love |
|---|
What we all want most is unconditional love, or Real Love. Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s not Real Love when you do what I want and I like you. That’s relatively worthless; that’s earning or buying love. It’s Real Love when you make mistakes and inconvenience me, but I’m not disappointed or angry.
Sadly, few of us have sufficiently received or given that kind of love—not just during our marriages but for our entire lives. From the time we were small children, we observed that when we didn’t fight with our sisters, didn’t make too much noise in the car, got good grades, and were otherwise obedient and cooperative, our parents and others smiled at us, patted our heads, and spoke kindly. With their words and behavior, they told us what good boys and girls we were.
But what happened when we did fight with our sisters, made too much noise, got bad grades, and dragged mud across the clean living room carpet? Did people smile at us or speak gentle, loving words? No—they frowned, sighed with disappointment, and often spoke in harsh tones. Just as the positive behaviors of other people communicated to us that we were loved, the withdrawal of those behaviors could only mean that we were not being loved. Although it was unintentional, our parents and others taught us this terrible message: “When you’re good, I love you, but when you’re not, I don’t—or certainly I love you a great deal less.”This conditional love can give us brief moments of satisfaction, but we’re still left with a huge hole in our souls, because only Real Love can make us genuinely happy. Without sufficient Real Love, we can only feel empty and alone, which is the greatest ongoing pain in our lives. In any given negative interaction with a relationship partner, it is the longstanding lack of Real Love inyour life that determines how you feel and respond, not the behavior of your partner in that moment. In any given moment, you react to the amount of love you feel from everyone, past and present, not just from the person you’re interacting with.
| Finding Real Love — Changing Ourselves and Our Relationships |
|---|
7 Crucial Steps To Get Your Man From “I’m Not Ready” To “I’m Ready And YOU’RE The Only Woman I Want”
By Rori Raye
When my boyfriend told me “he wasn’t ready” for marriage, I thought my life was over. Time after time I’d met and dated great men, but at that critical period when we were about to move forward to a true commitment, things would fall apart.
I started to think that men just won’t commit. That they just didn’t have the commitment gene.
But then I figured out something incredible - that I could absolutely inspire that “forever feeling” in a man. That I could be the person in the relationship deciding whether or not I was satisfied, rather than waiting for him to “come around.”
That’s why I’m here. I don’t want you to have to go through all the pain that I went through. I’ve spent several years studying men and what brings couples to loving, committed relationships. And I’ve developed a simple plan you can follow to inspire your man to commit to you now and forever, and WANT lifelong happiness with you… more than anything else in his life.
How I Almost Ruined My Chances Of Getting the Proposal I Wanted
I’ll tell you something funny…
When I first met my husband, I didn’t even like him. It’s only because he pursued me, pampered me and treated me like a queen that I gave him the time of day. Then, as I started to realize how safe and loved I felt, I developed powerful feelings for him.
When my roommate moved out and he suggested that he move in, I said yes, but told him from the very beginning that I wanted to get married and have children. He assured me that he had the same intention, and that we’d be engaged by the New Year. So he moved in. We got along, had fun, and I started thinking about weddings, and when and how he’d propose to me. Only he didn’t.
Instead of celebrating with a proposal when the ball dropped in Times Square, I got the “speech” about how he “wasn’t ready.” That he needed more time, and if I really cared about him I’d give him some space.
I was stunned - he’d worked SO HARD to get me.
It felt like the floor had dropped out from below me. I’d gotten myself into not just an EMOTIONAL bind, but a PHYSICAL one. He was not only my boyfriend - but also my roommate - and I couldn’t afford to stay in my apartment without him.
I felt totally, completely, utterly TRAPPED. And I didn’t have a clue how to get myself out of this mess and into the married life I was desperate for.
It was so uncomfortable that first week - I just knew I was driving him away, even though I wasn’t bringing up the subject of “commitment.” And that’s when I realized… I’d been making some serious mistakes. Mistakes many women make, and I needed to do something about it. Fast.
The 4 Big Mistakes That Get In The Way Of The Commitment You Want
Mistake #1: Focusing On Events, Not Feelings
We women are taught to believe that events, and the time we “put in,” MEAN SOMETHING to a man. If he’s introduced us to his family or friends at work we’re on cloud nine. We think of these as “milestones” moving us closer to commitment and marriage. And we couldn’t be more wrong.
Time means NOTHING to a man. Sometimes, being in a comfortable HOLDING PATTERN with us is EXACTLY what he has in mind! They spend time with us, but then they go and commit to someone else.
Unless we can get into our man’s heart, and let him into ours to create a deep emotional bond,we DOOM ourselves to a superficial level that will never lead to a lifelong commitment.
Mistake #2: Thinking Exclusive = Committed
…women focus on getting a man to be exclusive - but this is only a temporary state. Instead, you need to focus on getting him committed…
How many of you have been comfortable in a relationship, only to have the man you are with meet someone else, or tell you he’s “found someone who really gets me.” How can it be that a man who is exclusive with you can “fall for” someone else so easily? It’s because he was not committed to you.
Oftentimes, women focus on getting a man to be exclusive - but this is only a temporary state. Instead, you need to focus on getting him committed to you. When that happens, he’ll be exclusive AND won’t “fall for” another woman ever again!
Mistake #3: Talking About Your Relationship, Not Creating It
Often when women feel their man becoming distant, they decide to TALK to him about it. To ask how he’s feeling, why he’s acting this way, or where the relationship is going.
When you talk to a man about your relationship, you have the OPPOSITE effect on him than you intend. Though we often hear men say how much they hate how “emotional” women are - this is exactly the part they CRAVE. They are so stuck in their brains, so much of the time, that if we’re stuck in ours, they can’t connect to us.
Every time we TALK about the relationship, it feels to him like a laundry list of to do items instead of INSPIRING a man to want to be with us.
Mistake #4: You Panic… He Leaves
Because we know that “Lifelong-Commitment” is a frightening thing to a man, we’re often afraid to say or do anything that might scare him more.
It’s easy to get paralyzed by fear and anger and stop being ourselves. We stop being the fun, relaxed women who he originally fell for who made him happy. This takes us further AWAY from the commitment we want.
A Surprisingly Simple Way To Trigger His Life-Long Commitment
I can teach you how to make sure his desire to HAVE YOU is GREATER than his fear of commitment. And this desire will continue if you can create an ongoing experience for him that makes him FEEL that committing to you is worth trading in his “freedom.”
In my relationship, I focused on getting my sense of POWER back, instead of trying to get HIM. I remembered everything I did in the very beginning of our relationship, when he couldn’t get enough of me and was totally chasing me. Instead of working so hard at the relationship, I worked hard on myself and on the rest of my life. I told myself that I’d be all right no matter what, and that if I stuck to my own plan, I’d have the relationship I wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.
And that’s when things REALLY started to MOVE. The “energy” between us changed completely. In my mind I became a prize he needed to pursue in order to “win,” rather than something he was already guaranteed to have for the rest of his life. And almost instantly - he started FEELING that same way.
I focused on making myself happy instead of trying to make HIM happy. I spoke to him like he was a ROOMATE I was sleeping with, instead of like a potential husband. And then, everything changed. Quickly.
I’d somehow hit on something that worked, and I didn’t even know what that was! Here I was, more attractive to him TIRED and UNCARING than I ever was trying to make him happy. Less than two weeks later, on my birthday, he proposed to me. It was very official - he’d brought a calendar to the restaurant so we could plan a date for the wedding!
