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By Rori Raye
When my boyfriend told me “he wasn’t ready” for marriage, I thought my life was over. Time after time I’d met and dated great men, but at that critical period when we were about to move forward to a true commitment, things would fall apart.
I started to think that men just won’t commit. That they just didn’t have the commitment gene.
But then I figured out something incredible - that I could absolutely inspire that “forever feeling” in a man. That I could be the person in the relationship deciding whether or not I was satisfied, rather than waiting for him to “come around.”
That’s why I’m here. I don’t want you to have to go through all the pain that I went through. I’ve spent several years studying men and what brings couples to loving, committed relationships. And I’ve developed a simple plan you can follow to inspire your man to commit to you now and forever, and WANT lifelong happiness with you… more than anything else in his life.
How I Almost Ruined My Chances Of Getting the Proposal I Wanted
I’ll tell you something funny…
When I first met my husband, I didn’t even like him. It’s only because he pursued me, pampered me and treated me like a queen that I gave him the time of day. Then, as I started to realize how safe and loved I felt, I developed powerful feelings for him.
When my roommate moved out and he suggested that he move in, I said yes, but told him from the very beginning that I wanted to get married and have children. He assured me that he had the same intention, and that we’d be engaged by the New Year. So he moved in. We got along, had fun, and I started thinking about weddings, and when and how he’d propose to me. Only he didn’t.
Instead of celebrating with a proposal when the ball dropped in Times Square, I got the “speech” about how he “wasn’t ready.” That he needed more time, and if I really cared about him I’d give him some space.
I was stunned - he’d worked SO HARD to get me.
It felt like the floor had dropped out from below me. I’d gotten myself into not just an EMOTIONAL bind, but a PHYSICAL one. He was not only my boyfriend - but also my roommate - and I couldn’t afford to stay in my apartment without him.
I felt totally, completely, utterly TRAPPED. And I didn’t have a clue how to get myself out of this mess and into the married life I was desperate for.
It was so uncomfortable that first week - I just knew I was driving him away, even though I wasn’t bringing up the subject of “commitment.” And that’s when I realized… I’d been making some serious mistakes. Mistakes many women make, and I needed to do something about it. Fast.
The 4 Big Mistakes That Get In The Way Of The Commitment You Want
Mistake #1: Focusing On Events, Not Feelings
We women are taught to believe that events, and the time we “put in,” MEAN SOMETHING to a man. If he’s introduced us to his family or friends at work we’re on cloud nine. We think of these as “milestones” moving us closer to commitment and marriage. And we couldn’t be more wrong.
Time means NOTHING to a man. Sometimes, being in a comfortable HOLDING PATTERN with us is EXACTLY what he has in mind! They spend time with us, but then they go and commit to someone else.
Unless we can get into our man’s heart, and let him into ours to create a deep emotional bond,we DOOM ourselves to a superficial level that will never lead to a lifelong commitment.
Mistake #2: Thinking Exclusive = Committed
…women focus on getting a man to be exclusive - but this is only a temporary state. Instead, you need to focus on getting him committed…
How many of you have been comfortable in a relationship, only to have the man you are with meet someone else, or tell you he’s “found someone who really gets me.” How can it be that a man who is exclusive with you can “fall for” someone else so easily? It’s because he was not committed to you.
Oftentimes, women focus on getting a man to be exclusive - but this is only a temporary state. Instead, you need to focus on getting him committed to you. When that happens, he’ll be exclusive AND won’t “fall for” another woman ever again!
Mistake #3: Talking About Your Relationship, Not Creating It
Often when women feel their man becoming distant, they decide to TALK to him about it. To ask how he’s feeling, why he’s acting this way, or where the relationship is going.
When you talk to a man about your relationship, you have the OPPOSITE effect on him than you intend. Though we often hear men say how much they hate how “emotional” women are - this is exactly the part they CRAVE. They are so stuck in their brains, so much of the time, that if we’re stuck in ours, they can’t connect to us.
Every time we TALK about the relationship, it feels to him like a laundry list of to do items instead of INSPIRING a man to want to be with us.
Mistake #4: You Panic… He Leaves
Because we know that “Lifelong-Commitment” is a frightening thing to a man, we’re often afraid to say or do anything that might scare him more.
It’s easy to get paralyzed by fear and anger and stop being ourselves. We stop being the fun, relaxed women who he originally fell for who made him happy. This takes us further AWAY from the commitment we want.
A Surprisingly Simple Way To Trigger His Life-Long Commitment
I can teach you how to make sure his desire to HAVE YOU is GREATER than his fear of commitment. And this desire will continue if you can create an ongoing experience for him that makes him FEEL that committing to you is worth trading in his “freedom.”
In my relationship, I focused on getting my sense of POWER back, instead of trying to get HIM. I remembered everything I did in the very beginning of our relationship, when he couldn’t get enough of me and was totally chasing me. Instead of working so hard at the relationship, I worked hard on myself and on the rest of my life. I told myself that I’d be all right no matter what, and that if I stuck to my own plan, I’d have the relationship I wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.
And that’s when things REALLY started to MOVE. The “energy” between us changed completely. In my mind I became a prize he needed to pursue in order to “win,” rather than something he was already guaranteed to have for the rest of his life. And almost instantly - he started FEELING that same way.
I focused on making myself happy instead of trying to make HIM happy. I spoke to him like he was a ROOMATE I was sleeping with, instead of like a potential husband. And then, everything changed. Quickly.
I’d somehow hit on something that worked, and I didn’t even know what that was! Here I was, more attractive to him TIRED and UNCARING than I ever was trying to make him happy. Less than two weeks later, on my birthday, he proposed to me. It was very official - he’d brought a calendar to the restaurant so we could plan a date for the wedding!
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