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By: Gillian Telling
What really happens when girls get it on and how you can learn from it.I know a lot of lesbians. Not the way you might be hoping, where we’re in a pool doing something naughty. I just happen to be friends with them. How do these friendships impact you? Think of them as an educational tool far more accurate than the “lesbian” porn on the Internet, full of straight girls fake-orgasming after 45 seconds. Fact is, most men have the wrong idea when it comes to how two women have sex. So I got the scoop on how girls really turn each other on—and how you can bring their skills into your bedroom, too.
What's the Rub?Before we get to the juicy stuff, let’s bust a myth. “The biggest misconception about lesbians is that we ‘scissor’ each other,” says Jane,* a 28-year-old photographer, “heads at opposite ends, legs in a V, vaginas smooshing together. How would that feel good?” According to Jane, the position is almost physically impossible and rarely attempted, except by Mrs. Garrison on South Park.
What definitely does happen is rubbing, or the proverbial “dry hump.” In fact, it’s a fundamental of lesbian sex. “I do intertwine my legs with my girlfriend’s,” Jane says, “but with our heads at the same end of the bed. One of us will be on top so that we can be chest to chest and able to kiss and touch, but we’ll position ourselves for maximum stimulation. She loves when I rock my pubic bone against her clit until she comes.” Adds her girlfriend, Andy: “We ride each other missionary, just like you’d do with a guy. Basically, girls can grind up against anything and get off—a knee, a hand, whatever.”
The women were quick to add that a little dry humping, even when they come, does not necessarily mean two girls have done it. If their panties stay on, most agreed, things haven’t gotten intimate enough to be considered full-on sex—a rule that junior high school kids have been using to great effect for years.
She Could Go All the Way
So what does count as sex for lesbians? For many it’s all about a trip downtown. “A girl going down on me is by far the most intense sexual encounter,” says Anita, 33. “My girlfriend and I waited a long time because it’s such a big deal. By the time she finally put her tongue on me, I wanted it so bad I came almost instantly.”
Maybe part of the reason oral sex is so important to lesbians is that it’s where they excel. “I’ve never had a girl be bad at oral,” says Kristen, a 32-year-old artist. “I guess it’s instinctual, because we’re so familiar with how the female body works.” The keys, she says, are taking your time, reading her reactions, and making sure everything’s really wet. “And when I’m touching a girl’s clitoris with my tongue,” Kristen says, “it’s soft and gentle but with just enough pressure to get her off. Some girls will even grind up into me. Then they’re more in control, and I just have to maintain consistent pressure. It’s the most satisfying way to get someone off.”
While the emphasis is always on the clit, penetration is still a factor in lesbian sex—though it’s used more sparingly than when girls and boys get together. “I love being fingered,” says Alison, 30, who’s been with guys and girls, “but not if I haven’t been properly kissed and licked first. And that’s what all my female partners are best at. Dryness is the root of all evil—though that’s true for straight sex as much as lesbian sex.”
Toy Soldiers
Naturally, any mention of penetration brings up the question of toys in the bedroom. Are strap-ons and motorized thingamajigs a staple of lesbian sex? As with you and your partners, seems it depends on the woman and the mood. “Every lesbian owns a dildo,” says Angela, a 26-year-old student. “But most of them only break out the toys here and there to spice things up.” Julie, a 30-year-old marketing manager, shares this philosophy, using porn, handcuffs, and ticklers with her partners—but not all the time, which helps to make the encounters memorable. “I wasn’t into toys until my last girlfriend brought a little vibrator into the bedroom,” she says. “She just touched it against my butt while going down on me, and I was in heaven. I came harder than I ever had. That’s when I decided to pick up some things that could take sex to a different level on those nights when I really want to get dirty.”
Vibrators, interestingly, were a more controversial topic among the girls—and maybe you can relate. “We consider ourselves experts at clitoral stimulation,” says Angela. “So it’s almost insulting if you’re doing your thing to a girl and she decides to whip one out. But everyone needs different things to get off.” Case in point: One woman’s Big O trigger is using a vibe while being fucked from behind with a strap-on. “That’s my favorite thing to do with my girlfriend when we’re getting crazy,” she says, “because I can’t come from penetration alone. I need that clit action.”
Just as you might feel insecure about a girl taking out a vibrator during sex, some girls feel threatened when their partners introduce anything penis-like. “There are a lot of emotions in sex between girls,” says Kelly, 29, a personal trainer. “We’re talking about two women. It can get annoyingly sensitive, especially if one has an arsenal of rubber penises and Hitachi magic wands.” Of course, since there are two girls involved, they’re more than happy to have a big talk about it right then and there.
Get In On the Action
So you’re not a chick with innate, intimate knowledge of the female body. That doesn’t mean you can’t adapt this info to your own relationships. And these women are happy to be your secret advisers. Their number one tip—not a surprise: It’s all about foreplay. “We run all the bases leading up to the Big O,” says Amy, a 28-year-old therapist. “No girl-on-girl action jumps straight to sex. We kiss, touch, and rub each other for a while. But the payoff is worth it. When my girlfriend gives me a shaking, full-body orgasm, I’m all about returning the favor.”
A huge focus of all this pre-orgasm work should be the kiss. Advises Marty, a 31-year-old banker, “It’s the first step in turning a woman on. The longer I go with my tongue in my girlfriend’s mouth, on her cheeks, nibbling her, teasing her, the more revved she gets. And I never just tweak a nipple and move on down to the good stuff. My breasts are so full of nerve endings that sometimes I can come just from someone licking them.”
If you remember nothing else, says Alison, “Make sure she is wet, wet, wet. If she isn’t, don’t assume she’s not turned on. For some girls it’s not easy getting lubed up—those are the ones who need your mouth to really get them going.” Lastly, even if it’s a fantasy of yours, don’t assume all lesbians want to have sex with your girlfriend. “We can tell when the straight ones walk into a room,” says Marty. “But if your lady wants to hop the fence for a night, there are always other straight girls there she can go home with.” Just like in the lesbian porn online.
What really happens when girls get it on and how you can learn from it.I know a lot of lesbians. Not the way you might be hoping, where we’re in a pool doing something naughty. I just happen to be friends with them. How do these friendships impact you? Think of them as an educational tool far more accurate than the “lesbian” porn on the Internet, full of straight girls fake-orgasming after 45 seconds. Fact is, most men have the wrong idea when it comes to how two women have sex. So I got the scoop on how girls really turn each other on—and how you can bring their skills into your bedroom, too.
What definitely does happen is rubbing, or the proverbial “dry hump.” In fact, it’s a fundamental of lesbian sex. “I do intertwine my legs with my girlfriend’s,” Jane says, “but with our heads at the same end of the bed. One of us will be on top so that we can be chest to chest and able to kiss and touch, but we’ll position ourselves for maximum stimulation. She loves when I rock my pubic bone against her clit until she comes.” Adds her girlfriend, Andy: “We ride each other missionary, just like you’d do with a guy. Basically, girls can grind up against anything and get off—a knee, a hand, whatever.”
The women were quick to add that a little dry humping, even when they come, does not necessarily mean two girls have done it. If their panties stay on, most agreed, things haven’t gotten intimate enough to be considered full-on sex—a rule that junior high school kids have been using to great effect for years.
She Could Go All the Way
So what does count as sex for lesbians? For many it’s all about a trip downtown. “A girl going down on me is by far the most intense sexual encounter,” says Anita, 33. “My girlfriend and I waited a long time because it’s such a big deal. By the time she finally put her tongue on me, I wanted it so bad I came almost instantly.”
Maybe part of the reason oral sex is so important to lesbians is that it’s where they excel. “I’ve never had a girl be bad at oral,” says Kristen, a 32-year-old artist. “I guess it’s instinctual, because we’re so familiar with how the female body works.” The keys, she says, are taking your time, reading her reactions, and making sure everything’s really wet. “And when I’m touching a girl’s clitoris with my tongue,” Kristen says, “it’s soft and gentle but with just enough pressure to get her off. Some girls will even grind up into me. Then they’re more in control, and I just have to maintain consistent pressure. It’s the most satisfying way to get someone off.”
While the emphasis is always on the clit, penetration is still a factor in lesbian sex—though it’s used more sparingly than when girls and boys get together. “I love being fingered,” says Alison, 30, who’s been with guys and girls, “but not if I haven’t been properly kissed and licked first. And that’s what all my female partners are best at. Dryness is the root of all evil—though that’s true for straight sex as much as lesbian sex.”
Toy Soldiers
Naturally, any mention of penetration brings up the question of toys in the bedroom. Are strap-ons and motorized thingamajigs a staple of lesbian sex? As with you and your partners, seems it depends on the woman and the mood. “Every lesbian owns a dildo,” says Angela, a 26-year-old student. “But most of them only break out the toys here and there to spice things up.” Julie, a 30-year-old marketing manager, shares this philosophy, using porn, handcuffs, and ticklers with her partners—but not all the time, which helps to make the encounters memorable. “I wasn’t into toys until my last girlfriend brought a little vibrator into the bedroom,” she says. “She just touched it against my butt while going down on me, and I was in heaven. I came harder than I ever had. That’s when I decided to pick up some things that could take sex to a different level on those nights when I really want to get dirty.”
Vibrators, interestingly, were a more controversial topic among the girls—and maybe you can relate. “We consider ourselves experts at clitoral stimulation,” says Angela. “So it’s almost insulting if you’re doing your thing to a girl and she decides to whip one out. But everyone needs different things to get off.” Case in point: One woman’s Big O trigger is using a vibe while being fucked from behind with a strap-on. “That’s my favorite thing to do with my girlfriend when we’re getting crazy,” she says, “because I can’t come from penetration alone. I need that clit action.”
Just as you might feel insecure about a girl taking out a vibrator during sex, some girls feel threatened when their partners introduce anything penis-like. “There are a lot of emotions in sex between girls,” says Kelly, 29, a personal trainer. “We’re talking about two women. It can get annoyingly sensitive, especially if one has an arsenal of rubber penises and Hitachi magic wands.” Of course, since there are two girls involved, they’re more than happy to have a big talk about it right then and there.
Get In On the Action
So you’re not a chick with innate, intimate knowledge of the female body. That doesn’t mean you can’t adapt this info to your own relationships. And these women are happy to be your secret advisers. Their number one tip—not a surprise: It’s all about foreplay. “We run all the bases leading up to the Big O,” says Amy, a 28-year-old therapist. “No girl-on-girl action jumps straight to sex. We kiss, touch, and rub each other for a while. But the payoff is worth it. When my girlfriend gives me a shaking, full-body orgasm, I’m all about returning the favor.”
A huge focus of all this pre-orgasm work should be the kiss. Advises Marty, a 31-year-old banker, “It’s the first step in turning a woman on. The longer I go with my tongue in my girlfriend’s mouth, on her cheeks, nibbling her, teasing her, the more revved she gets. And I never just tweak a nipple and move on down to the good stuff. My breasts are so full of nerve endings that sometimes I can come just from someone licking them.”
If you remember nothing else, says Alison, “Make sure she is wet, wet, wet. If she isn’t, don’t assume she’s not turned on. For some girls it’s not easy getting lubed up—those are the ones who need your mouth to really get them going.” Lastly, even if it’s a fantasy of yours, don’t assume all lesbians want to have sex with your girlfriend. “We can tell when the straight ones walk into a room,” says Marty. “But if your lady wants to hop the fence for a night, there are always other straight girls there she can go home with.” Just like in the lesbian porn online.
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