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By Marcus Osborne
Yes, I said, “objective.” Hey, being a guy doesn’t kill my ability to see a situation fairly. As a matter of fact, as I think more about this topic, I’m thinking mine may be the lone voice of impartiality here.
For as far back as I can recall, men have been derided for the fragility of their egos. It’s been noted a gazillion times by professional therapists, pop psychologists, and basically anyone looking to take a shot a guy's emotional fortitude.
Sure, I’ll own up to some of the common insecurities men commonly and constantly battle. We love feeling “manly”, which means many of us have no idea what to do with ourselves when you tell us that you can fix your own sink or change your own tire.
“You can??? Well what the hell am I supposed to do while you jack up that car? Good lord…I think I’m about to…pass out….getting…dizzy…”
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No doubt we struggle with some fear that you’d leave us if George Clooney (or George Clooney-lite) came sniffing around. This mainly due to the guilt we feel for knowing we’d do the same if there was a late night knock on the door and Halle Berry was on the other side.
And we sure as heck worry, no matter how many times you tell us not to, about whether it’s big enough. Quick piece of advice, never look at your guy’s "manliness" and proclaim, “Honey, it’s big enough for me.” Because then we know it isn’t.
But what about the ladies? You want to talk fragile egos? Hoooo boy! Any man will tell you (if he’s got nothing to lose) that woman have a fairly hefty, Microsoft-esque market share in emotional insecurity.
Ever see what happens to a lady’s self esteem if her guy turns down sex a couple of times? “Well why not? Are you not attracted to me? Is there someone else? Am I getting fat? You like my sister, don’t you!”
Errrr—no. I just wanna watch the Raider game.
You can’t mention her age without risking a stay in the doghouse. You had better not, ever, EVER, answer the question, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” in the affirmative. Bad things have happened to those who have. Guys, by the time they’re all grown up, understand the delicate dance males must perfect in order to answer certain questions without answering certain questions. “Do you look fat in those jeans? Honey, you look great in everything….but you look amazing in those pants with the elastic waistband.”
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Whatever we say, it’s got to be said just right so as not to send our partners into an eating
disorder. Ask your guy.
He’ll tell you how he has to either avoid or massage a certain issue with you because he knows how easily you come unglued over the most innocuous comment. And even compliments can be a scary proposition.
Dude: “Wow, sweetie. You hair looks great today!”
Dudette: “What? What’s wrong with my hair every other day?!”
Oh, and the look-at-the-darkside, dot-connecting ability of ladies is unparalleled. To a guy, a toilet seat left up is just a toilet seat left up. To a woman, it’s a direct reflection of a man’s parental acumen. You left the toilet seat up again. That means you don’t listen to her. And if you don’t listen to her, that means you don’t really care about her feelings. And if you don’t care about her feelings, how could you possibly love and nurture your child’s feelings? You, sir, have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, that child protective services should be on high alert should you ever become a father!
So yeah, guys carry a boatload of insecurities. But women drag around their fair share, too. Let’s not so gleefully point out one’s flaws when we could all probably use a little therapy!
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