12:22 PM
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by Gena Kaufman
You guys have told me all about your first times, so I know some of you didn't have the best experiences. Well, a confused reader just had sex for the first time, but she regrets it. Let's try to talk her through it...
However, if you feel like you moved too fast, or it’s just a personal decision that you’re not ready to have sex, that’s completely understandable. Everyone is ready at different times, and just because you’ve done it once does not mean you can’t stop. But you do need to have a talk with your guy. It’s only fair to let him know your feelings so he doesn’t think he did something wrong. And to be extra fair, I would do it before things start getting hot and heavy again. It will be easier for both of you to have a rational discussion if you're not all worked up and half dressed. Just calmly explain to him that although you like him and you really like spending time with him, you’ve decided that you’re just not at a point where you’re ready to have sex and you don’t want to do it again until you say otherwise. If he has questions, you should answer them and talk about it honestly, but if he pressures you to change your mind, ditch him.
Let’s be frank here: He might be disappointed. And yes, there are some guys that might not want to keep dating you if you took sex off the table. Reasonable disappointment is one thing, but if he's one of those guys, he might ditch you. I know it will hurt if he doesn't want to stay together, but you're really better off. He probably wasn't going to be around much longer than a week if all he wanted from you was sex anyway.
Let’s be frank here: He might be disappointed. And yes, there are some guys that might not want to keep dating you if you took sex off the table. Reasonable disappointment is one thing, but if he's one of those guys, he might ditch you. I know it will hurt if he doesn't want to stay together, but you're really better off. He probably wasn't going to be around much longer than a week if all he wanted from you was sex anyway.
Last thought: I know losing your virginity is thought of as a big deal, and it is in a way. But it doesn't change who you are as a person and it doesn't dictate your behavior going forward. It's just a thing you tried, and you don't have to try it again until you want to. I really hope you won't let regret get in your way anymore.
Does anyone else have any different advice for our reader? Has anyone had a similar situation? Is it awkward to take sex off the table once you've already done it?
couples, dating, dating questions, hooking up, sex, sex questions
Dating For Love
You guys have told me all about your first times, so I know some of you didn't have the best experiences. Well, a confused reader just had sex for the first time, but she regrets it. Let's try to talk her through it...
She writes:
Dear Smitten, OK, so I should probably start out with a little background info: I'm a 21-year-old virgin (or I was). I have been dating this guy for about a week and I lost my virginity to him and now I regret it but I still want to be with him and he wants to be with me. How do I deal with the awkward feelings without chasing him away? I really really like him and I'm confused. Please help. Sincerely, Confused and in Love
First things first: You didn’t mention why you regret losing your virginity. If the problem is that the guy or anything he did made you feel uncomfortable (see advice on a similar Reader Dilemma here), you need to stop seeing him or at the very least, have a very serious discussion with him.
However, if you feel like you moved too fast, or it’s just a personal decision that you’re not ready to have sex, that’s completely understandable. Everyone is ready at different times, and just because you’ve done it once does not mean you can’t stop. But you do need to have a talk with your guy. It’s only fair to let him know your feelings so he doesn’t think he did something wrong. And to be extra fair, I would do it before things start getting hot and heavy again. It will be easier for both of you to have a rational discussion if you're not all worked up and half dressed. Just calmly explain to him that although you like him and you really like spending time with him, you’ve decided that you’re just not at a point where you’re ready to have sex and you don’t want to do it again until you say otherwise. If he has questions, you should answer them and talk about it honestly, but if he pressures you to change your mind, ditch him.
Let’s be frank here: He might be disappointed. And yes, there are some guys that might not want to keep dating you if you took sex off the table. Reasonable disappointment is one thing, but if he's one of those guys, he might ditch you. I know it will hurt if he doesn't want to stay together, but you're really better off. He probably wasn't going to be around much longer than a week if all he wanted from you was sex anyway.
Let’s be frank here: He might be disappointed. And yes, there are some guys that might not want to keep dating you if you took sex off the table. Reasonable disappointment is one thing, but if he's one of those guys, he might ditch you. I know it will hurt if he doesn't want to stay together, but you're really better off. He probably wasn't going to be around much longer than a week if all he wanted from you was sex anyway.
Last thought: I know losing your virginity is thought of as a big deal, and it is in a way. But it doesn't change who you are as a person and it doesn't dictate your behavior going forward. It's just a thing you tried, and you don't have to try it again until you want to. I really hope you won't let regret get in your way anymore.
Does anyone else have any different advice for our reader? Has anyone had a similar situation? Is it awkward to take sex off the table once you've already done it?
More on first times:
*A Guide to Losing Your Virginity "Late"
*"Guess What? I’m Not a Virgin Anymore!"
*Ask a Guy: "I'm a Virgin But My Boyfriend Isn't—How Should I Feel?"
Read More
*A Guide to Losing Your Virginity "Late"
*"Guess What? I’m Not a Virgin Anymore!"
*Ask a Guy: "I'm a Virgin But My Boyfriend Isn't—How Should I Feel?"
Read More
Dating For Love
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