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By Lyz Lenz
It's the time-worn story, girl loves her friend and then messes things up.
Since the dawn of time, women have been falling in love with their best boyfriends and then royally screwing it up. Some historians hypothisize that this is why Rome fell, because Athena really thought she and and Pallas were soulmates, but she just didn't know how to make it happen. And then things got messy, because Pallas started dating Aphrodite and Athena tried to stop the wedding, but her gay BFF, Aries, told her to let him go. So she did, but in her wrath she burned the city to the ground. (Note: No historians actually think this.)
Or something like that. But can we be straight and all agree that that would have been a WAY better plot for My Best Friend's Wedding? Amirite? Can I get an internet "amen"?
So, is this normal? Yes, since time immemorial. Women have ben falling for their BFFs. And then been all like, "BAHWHATDOIDO?" When the answer is really quite simple. You say, "Let's go out."
Betsy recently wrote in with exactly this problem. She writes (get you're reading glasses on, it's long): "We have acknowledge in the past that we are probably made for each other, we are mirror images of each other physically, emotionally and mentally..finishing each other's sentences, loving and hating the same things, having similar views on life as quirky and weird as they are etc. We live in a small town, and everyone says we should be together, and it should have happened a long time ago. We dated in our early 20s lost contact, found each other in our 30s and started hanging out as friends. I had broken up with my ex, and he was single. Before getting intimate, we did not discuss dating seriously, but he dropped a bunch of hints about it, but I realize I just wasn't ready at the time. The other day he tells me that he has thought about making me his wife, but then he starts flirting with a friend of mine. Presumably because I didn't respond to him. I told him that it really hurt my feelings. As you can imagine the intimacy, (BTW is out of this world, hence the reason it's hard to stop!), makes this all the more complicated for me as the woman here. He apologized. But that's been my problem...I never know how to respond to his suggestions of being together. I'm always tongue tied. Flattered, but never saying yes! His suggestions have always been in passing...we never sit down and talk. Lately we've been talking about everything under the sun...he's new promotion, politics, friends, and other things...but never about us. I'm dying for him to bring it up again because I swear to God I will never not take the opportunity. I will never not acknowledge his advances. But I'm afraid it just won't come up again because lately he seems a tad bit distant and on more of a friend vibe. I can't imagine him out of my life. I'm ready to be with him."
So here is the deal...I want to be with him for the whole 9 yards...marriage, babies, life long partner but as much as we are close, I don't know how to approach him about it without sounding just plain stupid and silly. Any suggestions??? Oh and the kicker --I'm 32 and he's 35. Hello why can't we just be adults here? LOL. And I''m like a fish out of water on the whole approaching a guy thing, because I've always been the one pursued. Anndd... I'm afraid if I bring it up NOW, he might think that I'm just more interested in him because he got promoted...which is just not the case. I would love him if he were a pizza delivery man."
Betsy, I will tell you what I told Athena (Note: Athena is mythical and a god and as such, she never actually reached out for my adivce, but I gave it anyway). Suck it up and tell him. If the "intimacy" and "friendship" are as close as you say, why are you worried about sounding dumb? I don't even understand why this is complicated. If you two have long, involved conversations and he's previously confessed his attraction to you, there should be an easy way to drop the "OHMAHGAH I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!" bomb. You know how you do that? You meet with him in person and then open your mouth and say, "I love you I want to date you. Let's make this happen."
The end.
What happens after that is beyond your control, but at least you're giving it a shot. To be quite honest. This guy has been straight with you and isn't jerking you around. You're the one holding back on him. You're the one jerking him around. You won't tell him you like him and want to date him, but you will tell him he can't flirt with your friend? Puhleaze.
Pull on your big girl panties. Suck it up and talk to him. PS If you text or email this info, I wash my hands of this.
What do you think? Is this normal for them to be in love? Can they make it work and how should Betsy tell her BFF that she has the old feelings for him?
Relationships are complicated, to say the least. So how do you know what's normal?
Is This Normal? I'm In Love With My Friend
Since the dawn of time, women have been falling in love with their best boyfriends and then royally screwing it up. Some historians hypothisize that this is why Rome fell, because Athena really thought she and and Pallas were soulmates, but she just didn't know how to make it happen. And then things got messy, because Pallas started dating Aphrodite and Athena tried to stop the wedding, but her gay BFF, Aries, told her to let him go. So she did, but in her wrath she burned the city to the ground. (Note: No historians actually think this.)
Or something like that. But can we be straight and all agree that that would have been a WAY better plot for My Best Friend's Wedding? Amirite? Can I get an internet "amen"?
So, is this normal? Yes, since time immemorial. Women have ben falling for their BFFs. And then been all like, "BAHWHATDOIDO?" When the answer is really quite simple. You say, "Let's go out."
Betsy recently wrote in with exactly this problem. She writes (get you're reading glasses on, it's long): "We have acknowledge in the past that we are probably made for each other, we are mirror images of each other physically, emotionally and mentally..finishing each other's sentences, loving and hating the same things, having similar views on life as quirky and weird as they are etc. We live in a small town, and everyone says we should be together, and it should have happened a long time ago. We dated in our early 20s lost contact, found each other in our 30s and started hanging out as friends. I had broken up with my ex, and he was single. Before getting intimate, we did not discuss dating seriously, but he dropped a bunch of hints about it, but I realize I just wasn't ready at the time. The other day he tells me that he has thought about making me his wife, but then he starts flirting with a friend of mine. Presumably because I didn't respond to him. I told him that it really hurt my feelings. As you can imagine the intimacy, (BTW is out of this world, hence the reason it's hard to stop!), makes this all the more complicated for me as the woman here. He apologized. But that's been my problem...I never know how to respond to his suggestions of being together. I'm always tongue tied. Flattered, but never saying yes! His suggestions have always been in passing...we never sit down and talk. Lately we've been talking about everything under the sun...he's new promotion, politics, friends, and other things...but never about us. I'm dying for him to bring it up again because I swear to God I will never not take the opportunity. I will never not acknowledge his advances. But I'm afraid it just won't come up again because lately he seems a tad bit distant and on more of a friend vibe. I can't imagine him out of my life. I'm ready to be with him."
So here is the deal...I want to be with him for the whole 9 yards...marriage, babies, life long partner but as much as we are close, I don't know how to approach him about it without sounding just plain stupid and silly. Any suggestions??? Oh and the kicker --I'm 32 and he's 35. Hello why can't we just be adults here? LOL. And I''m like a fish out of water on the whole approaching a guy thing, because I've always been the one pursued. Anndd... I'm afraid if I bring it up NOW, he might think that I'm just more interested in him because he got promoted...which is just not the case. I would love him if he were a pizza delivery man."
Betsy, I will tell you what I told Athena (Note: Athena is mythical and a god and as such, she never actually reached out for my adivce, but I gave it anyway). Suck it up and tell him. If the "intimacy" and "friendship" are as close as you say, why are you worried about sounding dumb? I don't even understand why this is complicated. If you two have long, involved conversations and he's previously confessed his attraction to you, there should be an easy way to drop the "OHMAHGAH I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!" bomb. You know how you do that? You meet with him in person and then open your mouth and say, "I love you I want to date you. Let's make this happen."
The end.
What happens after that is beyond your control, but at least you're giving it a shot. To be quite honest. This guy has been straight with you and isn't jerking you around. You're the one holding back on him. You're the one jerking him around. You won't tell him you like him and want to date him, but you will tell him he can't flirt with your friend? Puhleaze.
Pull on your big girl panties. Suck it up and talk to him. PS If you text or email this info, I wash my hands of this.
What do you think? Is this normal for them to be in love? Can they make it work and how should Betsy tell her BFF that she has the old feelings for him?
Relationships are complicated, to say the least. So how do you know what's normal?
Is This Normal? I'm In Love With My Friend
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