Monday, January 9, 2012

Dating Girl: No spark for slow burner


Dear Dating Girl: I've been dating a woman for about a month now. I like her a lot and enjoy spending time with her, but I haven't felt, well, that spark, you know? I am often a slow burner when it comes to relationships. I think I'm not interested, and then suddenly they say or do something and - bing - something goes off in my head and I'm totally into them. I don't know if that is going to happen here, but I don't want to string her along having her think that we're moving forward when I'm still tying my shoes at the starting gate. Should I say something to her or just keep seeing her until I know for sure one way or the other whether there is something there?

Stuck at the Starting Gate
Dear Stuck: What exactly would you say? "So, hey, listen, I'm not really into you, but if you keep going out with me for a while, I may decide at some point that I am into you, but I might not. Do you mind sticking around until I find out?" Why say anything at all? Most people can sense whether or not someone is into them. She may feel there is no real spark between you, but enjoys hanging out and wants to see if something develops. If she is into you, and senses you're not into her, she'll no doubt bring it up. Then you can tell her that you're not sure how you feel, that you would understand if she didn't want to stick around while you figure it out, but that if she wants to keep seeing you, you'd love to keep seeing her. You've been honest, and she can make her own decision about what she wants to do - keep seeing you or bail. If she bails, you'll never know for sure whether something might have sparked. Unfortunately, that's the "burn" part of being a slow burner.

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