Monday, January 9, 2012

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

By Ruth Purple





Once a cheater, always a cheater- yes we are all familiar with this maxim. However, personally, the choice to heed or not to heed this said adage depends on how sincerely sorry the person in question is. And often than not, the truth always comes out with regard to sincerity. Sadly, the truth oftentimes involves cheating again.


I’m not the only one who thinks so, my friend Maria, who has been there, done that, daringly said, “Once a cheater always a cheater. Like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even if they never drink again.


It’s in their blood to cheat. They may not cheat as often but once an opportunity arises, they cheat because that’s who they are and always will be. It takes a very strong and dedicated person to decide on their own not to cheat.” These are strong words. Nevertheless, I totally agree with her when she said that it takes a strong and dedicated person to decide on their own not to cheat. In my e-book, “You Can Get Him Back, Winning Your Man Back From Infidelity.” You will know that he or she is sincerely sorry with the effort he/ she is willing to go through in proving him or (her) self. In other words, if the cheater doesn’t show genuine desire to reform, then there is no hope for the habitual cheater to change.


To help you figure out if the reformed cheater is willing to change his or her ways, look for these signs:


* The reformed philanderer admits his philandering ways and is willing to do whatever it takes to change it.


* The reformed philanderer is very enthusiastic in proving himself to you. The cheater is fully aware that there will be tough terrains ahead of him, but he doesn’t see the difficulty of it all, all he sees are opportunities to make things right.


* The reformed philanderer is willing to go through the nitty- gritty of your relationship. The cheater is risking a lot when he wants to dissect your relationship. He may end up offending you by hearing words that you do not want to hear, but you have to see this in a positive manner, because this is the cheaters way of telling you that, “I want to work this out, I need your support.” This is the perfect time for you to offer a non-judgmental listening ear.


* The reformed philanderer is willing to face and accept the consequences of his actions. A cheater who is willing to make things right understands the degree of pain and suffering he has caused, with this, he is willing to deal with the fact that some of your friends and family members will frown- upon him and most importantly, he is willing to accept his limited freedom and time. He understands the need to not letting you worry or giving a hint of suspicion.


* The reformed philanderer is willing to discuss the reasons why he strayed and offers solutions how not to do it again. This is a very important factor, if he has awareness of his weaknesses and is willing to confront them, there is a huge possibility that he will not stray again. If your reformed cheater shows this act, be supportive if you want to work things out in your relationship.


Each person is unique and we all have our own way of showing how genuine we are to change. But the fascinating thing is, no matter how different we are in proving ourselves, disingenuousness always finds its way out. Because, again, the truth always comes out.



Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Foreplay Begins Outside The Bedroom

by BLACK LOVE AND MARRIAGE.COM


Letting your wife know that you cherish and care about her outside the bedroom can work wonders as far as breathing new life into your marriage goes. In the simplest of terms (though not always true), a man knows he’s loved through sex, and a woman has sex because she knows she’s loved.
Sex may not make the world go ‘round, but it can certainly play a part in sustaining a marriage. Although a man’s greatest need is arguably sex, a woman’s #1 need is drastically different. This article will give you several clues of what you could do to turn her on outside the bedroom, and relay to your wife that not only do you love her, but care for her deeply.
For starters, how about giving communication a try? The simplest and most straight forward thing you could do to turn her on outside the bedroom is to tell your wife that you love or cherish her. This is the first simple thing you could do that – believe it or not – could end up turning her on OUTSIDE the bedroom.
Remember before you were dating, you used to actually go out on dates and do things together? Even if the kids are a challenge, set aside a weekly or at least monthly date night for just the two of you. Line up a sitter ahead of time. Make these nights truly special by going out to eat, seeing movies you both like, attending the symphony or even extending date nights into the occasional short weekend away. If you feel you’ve grown distant over the years, take the time to get to know her all over again, just like you did when you first got together.
Experiment with washing dishes, cleaning up the kitchen, doing a load of laundry or two, and if you’re brave, prepare a meal for the family. Yeah, I realize that you pitch in and mow the lawn and do the fixing around the house.
But, since you both work, why not try helping out around the house a little bit from time to time, besides your normal Mr. fix it or lawn-mowing duties? This could be an especially significant gesture if she comes home from work exhausted or has had a really rough day all around. I’m not saying that you need to do double duty by doing all the household chores all the time. But, when you notice she’s a bit behind, stop what you’re doing, pitch in, and come alongside her. After all, you’re in it together. Why not show it with your actions?
Ok, by now, you’re on a roll. You’ve done a few things to help out around the house, but I’d encourage you to do more in order to win her heart back. Here’s your opportunity to really meet her needs, which may very well turn out in your best interest, as it could lead to a lot more than just pillow talk. Say your wife is just wiped out from work. Think back massage.
Before you get all excited, though, remember, you’re doing it for her, which doesn’t mean it will (necessarily) lead to a full body massage for both of you. Tender touch in a caring, romantic but non-sexual way, helping to ease her physical tension in her back, temples or wherever she directs you is the order of the day. Remember to keep your hands above her waist, unless she specifies otherwise.
In case you haven’t heard, sex begins in the kitchen. In other words, your number 1 need as a man – sex – will more times than not be met by your wife when you make meeting her needs your priority. How can you turn her on OUTSIDE the bedroom? Try this: let her know that you cherish her in both words and deeds; help out around the house (like doing dishes or cooking a meal); and touch her romantically but not sexually from time to time.
Foreplay Begins Outside The Bedroom 

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