Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Permission to Take My Pants Off: How Not to Seduce a Woman

“Honey, it’s ok if you take your pants off,” Blake offered generously. Or at least, his tone sounded like the tone of a man who is being generous.

“Thanks honey, but I’m cold. And working. And tired. And I like pants,” I added.

“But it’s ok, darling, you don’t need to wear them. I really don’t even mind if you take them off!” He grinned cheekily, hoping his charming antics would seduce me into nudity.


Operation Pants Removal

That conversation is repeated every day, sometimes multiple times. It has succeeded exactly zero times, but that doesn’t discourage Blake. “Someday you will learn the truth about pants,” he explains earnestly. “It’s like subliminal advertising. If I keep giving you permission, then your subconscious will eventually set you free from the terrible confines of wearing clothes all the damn time. See honey! I am only trying to help you!”

Why is it that men have such a constant desire to remove our clothes? If Blake sat around working on his computer with his pants off, I would not be turned on. (And by “If,” I mean “Every day when . . .”) But Blake is in a constant war with my wardrobe, deeming it his manly duty to vigilantly, valiantly pursue the goal of convincing me to disrobe.

I Like Pants, But I Like Him Better

Sometimes his pestering annoys me. If I’m trying to concentrate and he keeps yammering about my pants, it is irritating, not sexy. I know that I can take my pants off. I am the master of my own clothes. If I have my pants on, it’s because I want to have my pants on. (Like I said, I like pants.)

But in other little ways—telling me I’m beautiful, washing the dishes, having fun together in bed—Blake reminds me why he wages his anti-pants campaign: it’s because he truly loves to see anything and everything that is under my pants. He isn’t bored of me or disgusted by me. When he sees me in my underthings, he is enthralled, and he feels honored. And really, that’s pretty flattering.

And so, sometimes I take my pants off for him. And it’s usually worth it.

Permission to Take My Pants Off: How Not to Seduce a Woman

THINK LIKE A MAN: How Soon Do You Give It Up Or Go Downtown?


So, you’ve met someone that you like a lot,you’ve gone on a few dates and even spent some time kissing and feeling up on each other. It’s only natural that you want to take it to the next level. If a woman gets busy with a guy too soon, does she automatically nix her chances for long-term love? How soon do you give it up or go downtown?

Our dating experts share their thoughts on this hot topic.

(Jozen Cumming) HE SAID:
As far as I’m concerned, too many women are concerned with giving it up too soon. What they need to care about is giving it up too late?
I’m certainly not going to be the guy who says a woman should give it up on the first date, but I will be the guy who lets you women in on a little secret: There are women who have actually gotten a ring put on their finger by a man who they gave it up to on the first date. And I’m not talking a small group of men either, I’m talking a large group of men out there who don’t judge a woman based on how quickly she gives it up or goes down on him.
Trust me ladies, I’m one of those men.
If a woman thinks five dates is too soon to have sex with me, that’s fine, but she has to understand why that concerns me.
The ability to have sex with another person relies heavily on how comfortable we are with that person. If by date five a woman isn’t comfortable having sex with me, how is she even comfortable going out on date after date with me? I understand a date in a public space, where she’s safe under the guise of random bystanders is not the same as sex in a private space, where no one is watching, but frankly, if she’s not comfortable enough to share a bed with me by date five, I might have to move on because being around someone who isn’t comfortable with me after five dates will start to make me feel uncomfortable.
So to answer the question, I guess I’m saying, anything under five dates would not be too soon to give it up, but anything over five dates might be too late to give it up.
To be even more specific, there’s no way a relationship will be had without either of us
(Telisha Ng) SHE SAID:
To me telling anyone when to have sex for the first time with someone they like is comparable to scheduling bathroom breaks. A handful of us were raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong amongst other things so we’ve always had a mental timeline for intimacy and various life stages. I’ve heard of couples who got down on the first night and went to the altar months down the road; I’ve also heard of couples who waited until they said I do to consummate the marriage. The end result was the same- undying love.
In my own personal life I’ve waited abiding by the 3-4-5-6-10-15-100 date rule and have come up from under the covers only to find that we weren’t compatible. I’ve also lived life on the edge and given in to my burning desires on the first date and went on to have a very fulfilling relationship. I care very little about what others may think, and I regret nothing although I’m fully aware that there is always backlash from those who do not support first date sex. I think the most barbaric mindset is one that would attach a timeline to intimacy. There is so much more at play when building a relationship with someone than sex.
Our bodies are our special and sex is a gift that we give to whomever we chose to.
Only you can decide on a timeline of when to give that gift. When we become intimate with anyone for the first time a risk is taken whether we have known the person for eons or an evening. Emotional attachment, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy- sex is a gift that comes with a great deal of responsibility. And just like that Christmas gift you walked up and down the mall for, there is always a chance that the person on the receiving end may not appreciate it, no matter how much pretty wrapping paper you use.
Know what you want out of a relationship, talk about sex and being intimate with the person you are considering and please pay attention to your good friend intuition, she misses you!
The reason relationships fail is not based on how soon you give it up or go downtown, it’s from a lack of communication.

“He Won’t Leave Me Alone Despite Me Telling Him That I’m Not Interested In Him”

by Terrance Dean

You’ve got questions? He’s got answers!
Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at:
Dear Gay Best Friend,
How does one break up with a man that one is not even casually dating? Let me explain. The guy in question is my sister’s nephew-in-law, her sister-in-law’s son (55). All family activities are held at my sister’s house (her pool is larger than mine). This guy’s family members are constantly trying to MAKE me not only go out but MARRY him. Why, one might ask? Simply, I am 43, post divorce 20 years and have not been in a serious relationship since 2005. Further, I am a single mom with 2 kids 17 and 19 away at university, and am a homeowner with an empty nest.
This man corners me at every family event for hours until I just excuse myself. I show him no emotions that I am interested. No flirting. I even make it impossible for him to sit next to me. He just counters and sits on the floor blocking my freedom staring at me. No conversation, nothing. I if move, he follows. He followed me to the bathroom once. He calls my sister’s house everyday to see if I am there. If I am he asks to speak to me. If I refuse, he jumps in MOMMY’S car and rushes over to force conversation. I leave. I do not return his phone calls. I do not accept his gifts.
This man has the audacity to show up at the movie theater every Friday night because he KNOWS that is where I go for family night with my boys. I have asked him to stop calling to no avail. I changed my number. I have asked him to stop the gifts of bootlegged properties but he leaves gifts at sis’s. I have done nothing to lead this man to my path. He is obsessed with photos texted to him by my sister, my brother-in-law, and his mother. I have told him those photos were not sent by me. It is awful, unwanted, unwarranted photos of me taken without my permission. Some are swimsuit shots, butt shots, shots with my back ALWAYS to the camera doing ordinary things. Some might find these photos provocative, I am fit and look much younger than I am. However, I do not pose for these photos, and I protest their submission. My relatives know that I do not like this man and this man knows that I want no further contact. Sometimes, I don’t go to the family events just to avoid him.
I do not want to get a restraining order because that would cause a family schism with the in-law set. I have face to face refused his offers. My kids have refused his expensive gifts. I am sorry his family has romanticized some relationship for him but I told him I am not the originator of the photos. I have told him that he WAS a family friend but I CHOOSE to not interact with him at all to remove any doubt that there is any implied relationship. He accused me of hiding from him. I told him I was not hiding but totally avoiding his contact because I am not interested. He was mad and still is. He still calls my sister frequently, daily just to see if “I am doing ok, and oh, by the way, is she there, if she is don’t tell her I called, don’t tell her I am coming over.”
Maybe it is not his fault that his relatives have fed him wrongly obtained information. Private information. Detailed information that could possibly make someone INFER that a relationship is possible and maybe even casually exists…. It is not MY fault. I read your publications and the comments to well posed questions. Most think the answer to my question is don’t return the calls or text. I did an in person break up to someone I was not even dating. I changed my number as well as email address. I even closed out with YouTube and facebook. I cannot ask my brother-in-law who was my brother-in-law (65) before I was born to ban his nephew anymore than I can end a relationship with my sister (65).
I do not wish to get a restraining order either. I did that option against the 25 year old son of my next door neighbor after repeatedly asking my neighbor to speak to her son about his stalking and unwanted advances from a child. Big mistake. When I found him sleeping on my deck, I called the authorities, he was arrested, making some of my neighbors mad at me. His reasoning was that he was returning some ‘important misplaced mail’ to me and that he didn’t want to get in trouble for ‘messing’ with my mailbox so he went to sleep waiting on my property for me to return. He hung himself when he told the court that I was not married and that I spent 2 hours a day by my pool in a bikini swimming and grilling on purpose. Plus, my home is surrounded by privacy fencing (You would need binoculars or a spy cam because our properties are not close together).
No, I am not looking for woe is me, yada, yada,…etc. I would like to know from a male standpoint what words would make a man understand that:
1. I do not want to ever pursue a relationship with you
2. We can not even be family friends because you would misconstrue this
3. I avoid contact with you to basically to keep you from being mad at me
4. Just because I am single does not mean I am available to anyone who is interested
No, I do not think I am all that. Yes, I do not want to hurt or make anyone mad; however, I am unhappy in trying to be nice and keep everyone else happy. So…Tell Me Like It Is (Please and Thank You). And I will work on me! – Not Interested In Him

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

My Girlfriend Has A Close Male Friend--Should I Be Upset?

By Mybrotha.COM Relationship Editor

Should I be upset if my girlfriend has a close male friend?

Question from Brandon R.:

I'm not a jealous person, but I sometimes wonder if my girlfriend is too close to one of her male friends. She has known him for almost 9 years and they seem to get along great. She tells me funny things he said, or mentions things going on in his life. It seems she thinks the world of him and I sometimes wonder if she speaks equally highly of me when I'm not there.

I am in the military, and at first, I thought she was spending more time chatting with him because I wasn't around. But the longest time I've been away was 6 months. Other than that, I am there with her. When she mentions him, it's never anything sexual or disrespectful, and it only happens occasionally.

My heart tells me that it's probably innocent. But maybe my ego is getting bruised a little? Should I be worried?
-- Brandon R.

The Brothas Response:

Hi Brandon,
First of all, we thank you for your dedication and service to our country.

Having outside friendships can be healthy for a relationship. This doesn't mean each person should go out and find friends of the opposite sex. But established friendships (ones that existed before you came together) can be meaningful. Those friends can help us stay balanced, challenge our thinking, support our ideas, and enhance our well-being.

When dating, most women you meet will have one or two male friends with whom they can talk about anything. This usually subsides when they start a long-term relationship, but may not disappear entirely. Keep in mind that no one person can meet every need of their partner. It would be unfair to assume that a single individual could meet all of our needs, and it's downright narcissistic to believe that we could satisfy all of their needs.

Your girlfriend may have a certain platonic connection with her male friends based solely on humor, commonalities, hobbies, culture, or history. This doesn't mean you're less important as a relationship partner--it just means she has varied interests or needs you can't meet. We all have those.

There are times, however, where these platonic friendships can become hazardous. For example, if your girl thinks about him a lot, or invests a lot of emotional energy in him, it could be a problem. Does she depend on him more than she depends on you? Will she go out of her way to support him? How well do you know the guy? Does she hide him from you? Answers to these questions can be crucial in determining whether she's simply enjoying her friendships, or something more.

It really comes down to communicating with your partner. If you trust your girl, talk to her about it. If your trust is beginning to waver, talk to her about it. Did we mention that you should talk with her about it?

The Brothas
My Girlfriend Has A Close Male Friend--Should I Be Upset?

There’s a Fine Line Between Smart and Ass


As anyone who’s ever suffered through a bout of online dating knows, when you’re filling out your dating profile, you have to type in these little packets of personal information.

One self-description that I invariably put down is that I can be a bit of a smart-ass. I put this down because… well, I’ve been known to make girls cry on the first date. You know how “curvy” has become the online dating euphemism for “grotesquely overweight”? Well, “smart-ass” is my personal euphemism for “may make you cry.”
I feel it’s only fair that I warn my potential dates in advance.
Not too surprisingly, I often get matched up with other self-professed smart-asses. Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to understand the difference between being a smart-ass and being an ass. Hey, I admit it. I’ve had issues with it myself. (Again, I made a girl CRY. On a FIRST DATE.) And, to be perfectly honest, I still lapse occasionally… er, frequently from smart-ass to plain ass.
You see, there’s a fine line between sarcastic and insulting. Being sarcastic takes intelligence, a quick wit, and some amount of lucky timing. Being insulting is just the clueless person’s substitute for true sarcasm.
Let me tell you about an evening once spent between two self-professed smart-asses who were matched up online:
We’re hanging out in my room. She happens to have a bottle of Diet Coke with her. She opens the bottle, takes a sip, then drops it and spills a decent amount of soda on my bed. I groan and say, “Alright, whatever. Here, get up. I’m gonna change the sheets.”
She says: “Don’t worry, we’ll just cover it up. You can change them in the morning.”
I say: “Ummm, I’d rather just change them right now. I’m not gonna sleep on a Coke stain.”

Theres a Fine Line Between Smart and Ass i am not a role model  transIf this article were an episode of some cleverly hip ‘90s sitcom, the action would suddenly freeze, and you’d hear the sound of a record scratching, followed by my snarky voice-over.
Or, even cleverer, I break character, look straight into the camera, and address the viewers, while everything around me—including my date—remains frozen.
And I say something along the lines of:
“At this point, ladies and gentleman, my date has several possible responses. Which do you consider to be appropriately smart-ass? Which do you consider to be walking that fine line, but still somewhat clever? And which do you consider to be just plain insulting?”
Animated text zips across the screen, and you see the following three choices:
[Swoosh] A. “What, is the caffeine gonna keep you awake?”
[Swoosh] B. “Oh, you’re not used to sleeping on a wet spot?”
[Swoosh] C. “What are you, OCD?”
“Now, ladies and gentlemen, which option do you suppose my ever-so-sarcastic date chose?”
Really, is there anything clever or ironic about that last comment? (Because, in case my ass is too smart for you to figure out, that’s what she said.) Or is it just… well, rude? What if I really did suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder? What then?
As it is, I am somewhat anal, so I’m used to the OCD comments. If I was bothered at all, it was mostly because she’d warned me that she was extremely sarcastic, but all she’d done up to this point was pepper our conversations with comments like these, none of which I found to be particularly witty or clever. Still, it wasn’t that big a deal, so I let it go.
It only became a big deal when she decided to reference my supposed OCD-ness at least seven times over the next hour. Really? She couldn’t come up with anything new to say?
That’s where she crossed the line from “smart” to “ass.”
Okay, so where exactly is that line then? Do we automatically click over from funny to annoying between the sixth and seventh times we make the same comment? Is there some rule that will draw the definitive distinction between sarcasm and insult?
I don’t think so. I think we have to be take it on a case-by-case basis… like the Supreme Court’s assessment of pornography: “I’ll know it when I see it.”
That’s how it works with sarcasm, too: “I’ll know it when I hear it.” And in this case, she was definitely being insulting, especially when she kept bringing it up over and over and over again.
Of course, the worst part of all this is that I now have a permanent brown stain on my mattress….
Pop quiz: what’s an appropriate smart-ass response to this?
A. Whoa, I think you’ve got way more than just a bed-wetting problem.
B.  Suck it up. It’s just a stain.
See? I told you there’s a fine line between smart and ass.
Oh, and it’s not the hyphen. Smart-ass.

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life

by Marissa Gold

How many kinds of sex have you had? We’ve got 10 must-try types to add to your bedroom bucket list. Top sex experts reveal what they are—and why they’re so worth it.

Bathroom Sex

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
The most underrated room to have sex in is your bathroom. No joke. “This is why God created bathroom counters,” says Somoza. “Thanks to the mirrors, your guy gets to watch all of the action, which makes it even hotter.” Other options? “Use the tub or the toilet to prop yourself into position,” suggests sex educator Jamye Waxman, M.Ed. You can even light candles and create some sexy steam from the shower to add extra atmosphere.

Makeup Sex

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
You know when you’re mad at him but also find him incredibly attractive? When you really want to rip off his clothes but also want to resist because you think you should teach him a lesson? Don’t resist. “Makeup sex is hot, steamy and loaded with all the emotion you just went through,” says Somoza. Whether you’re exes getting back together or just a couple reuniting after a fight, makeup sex has a certain electric charge we rarely feel in normal circumstances.

Lazy Sex

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
Sex doesn’t always have to be a WWF throwdown in the bedroom. The next time you’re sleeping in on a weekend, casually remove all your clothes and then snuggle up to your man so he can feel your naked body. Since men have extra-high testosterone levels in the morning, he’s practically guaranteed to be down for the action. Having that type of relaxed, low-maintenance sex is great for de-stressing and keeping you connected.

Loud Sex

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
You know all those four-letter words you’re too afraid to say? At least once, let yourself get so totally into it that you use them. All. Share a bottle of wine and psych yourself up to do things you’d never do—like telling him to spank you or demanding he give you an orgasm (while telling him how in explicit detail). Instead of lying on your back during oral, be bold and straddle him instead. And don’t be shy to make noise—in fact, make an effort to be even louder than usual (it will only increase the physical sensation).

Sex Somewhere Famous

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
“Having sex in, near or looking at a national landmark turns an amazing experience into an extraordinary one,” says Cox. “You’re still not truly convinced you’re there, so everything seems surreal.” So do it on your hotel balcony overlooking the Hollywood sign, hook up in a quiet stairwell of the Louvre or get busy on your hike to the Grand Canyon. You will never forget it.
Read More

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life

by Marissa Gold

How many kinds of sex have you had? We’ve got 10 must-try types to add to your bedroom bucket list. Top sex experts reveal what they are—and why they’re so worth it.
10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
“We all have fantasies,” says sex expert Lora Somoza. “If you’re in a committed relationship and you find yourself dreaming about a hot cop with handcuffs, don’t be shy [about asking] your guy to play it out.” Role playing allows you both to have the thrill of sleeping with different people without, well, actually sleeping with other people, so it just might be the key to keeping monogamy hot. “If you’re not sure where to begin, try ‘pretending you don’t know each other’ sex,” suggests Somoza. It will give you the freedom to take on a new personality and do things you wouldn’t normally do—but always wanted to.

Sex Somewhere Splurge-y

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
Ever notice how staying in a fancy-pants hotel puts you in the mood like nothing else? Sex expert Tracey Cox explains why: “Few of us are cashed up enough to experience luxury every day, so when we’re staying at a flashy hotel, it’s pretty exciting,” she says. Even if you can’t afford a five-star vacation, upgrade just one night of your next trip to a swanky hotel, or book a night at a posh place in your city for a sexy change of scenery at home.

Sex in a Public Place

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
The idea of getting caught in the act can be kind of exciting, but that doesn’t mean you have to be an exhibitionist to enjoy it. “Try finding an abandoned parking lot or sitting in the last row at the movies and guiding his hand somewhere naughty,” says Somoza. Even if you have to rush home to really get down to action, you’ll be so revved up by then that the sex will be amazing.

Sex on the Beach

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
Sun. Crashing waves. Hot guy. Enough said. If there’s a drink named after it, it has to be good, right? Expand your idea of sex on the beach beyond the sand to include lounge chairs, your hotel balcony or even under water.

Forbidden Sex

10 Types of Sex to Try at Least Once in Your Life
“If the best-selling book 50 Shades of Grey tells us anything, it’s that women like a little kink,” says Somoza. So regardless of who wears the pants in the relationship, decide who’s going to wear the restraints in the bedroom. “Maybe you want your guy to tie you up and do dirty things to you,” she says. But if you’d rather show him who’s boss, let him know he’s going to be your sex slave for the night and tell him the only rule is that he can’t say no (and, um, why would he want to?).

Read More 

13 of the Grossest, Weirdest Pickup Lines We Have Ever Heard, Ever.

by Anna Breslaw 

The very concept of catcalls and pickup lines are weird enough: Does this guy really think that he can get us to go home with him with the power of one phrase? Apparently, some do. And here are some real winners.

Below is a motley assortment of one-liners that my friends and I have gotten from men (who were also possibly parolees) over the years at bars and such. Unsurprisingly, many of them are variations on a theme (fertility), but there are some wild cards in the pack. It's not even that they're cheesy. They're simply straight-up weird.

[girl passes by wearing massive, thick winter coat that obscures any curves she may have.] "Mmm, you are a baby-making machine, girl."

"Hi, my name's ____. I wanna make you pregnant." [Not even "get you pregnant." Make you pregnant.]

"You would look beautiful with child."

"Are you ovulating?"

"I would go down on you if you were on your period."

"Are you post-menopausal yet?" [Incredibly, some guy asked my mom this.]
"I wish I was your tampon."
"I killed a man once."
"Just by looking at you, I can tell you didn't have a father."
"Your name is Anna? It must be fate. My mother's name is Anna." [creepy toothless man shows me a tattoo on his arm that says "Anna."]
"What time is it? Good, because I wanted to know the exact moment I first saw you."
And the #1 winner for creepiest pick-up line of all time is...
"You got lil' baked bean teeth."
EW. What? Right? Let's just hope these aren't the things that dudes are thinking when we're naked, right? Give me the weirdest pickup line you've ever gotten below, although I bet it can't compete with baked bean teeth.
More on men and their pick-up lines:

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