Saturday, April 7, 2012

How to Tell If He's Ready For A Relationship

How to Tell If He's Ready For A Relationship

By Christian Carter

Author of best-selling eBook Catch Him & Keep Him and free newsletter
Many women talk about dating a "mature man". What they're really referring to is "emotionalmaturity." An emotionally mature man is a man who won't shut you out the minute things getstressful in his life.
Emotionally mature men are willing to show their feelings; and more importantly, they're able toallow the woman in their life to "see" them even when they're going through a difficult time.
But how can you tell whether a man is emotionally mature and will stick it out with you throughthe inevitable ups and downs in every relationship?
You need to look at how he handles three key areas in his life...

Is the man able to handle adversity, criticism or even intense politics at work and remain levelheaded, relatively calm, or even compassionate?
Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems instead of thinking about solutions and how toimprove personal dynamics in his work life and relationships?
Compassion and the ability to handle complex mental and emotional situations without coming ungluedor doing negative or harmful things to other people is one of the best signs of emotional maturity -and sensitivity as well.

What type of people does a man spend his time around?
It has been said that you can know all you need to know about a person simply by looking at the peoplein his life. A man's closest friends and peers are one of the very best windows into his mental andemotional world.
Are a man's friends people of integrity? Are they doing positive things with their lives and committedto living a good life?
And are a man's friends capable of being in mature and committed relationships? Does he have anymarried friends who have stable relationships where both partners are relatively happy and fulfilled?
Men spend most of their time with people whose values they share.

How does a man handle his relationships with his family members?
Sure, lots of people have challenging family situations, but whether or not a guy's parents are togetheris not what's really telling about him. It's more important whether or not he's on stable emotionalfooting in the way he relates to his parents.
Fighting intensely with parents, high and low emotional swings, or completely estranged situations withouta clear reason can be signs of deeper emotional turmoil that's unresolved and might mean that a man willhave trouble being there and being present and stable with you emotionally.

You can find out a great deal about a man's emotional maturity level in conversation.
All you have to do is start talking about your friends, family, and work and ask him about these threeareas in his life one at a time.
When he answers, dig a little deeper and try and get him talking about how he FEELS about these things.How does he FEEL about the people at work and his family?

Get him to talk about his friends and tell you what he likes about them and what makes them tick. You'llbe surprised by how much a man will share about who he is and how he lives his life - if you simply ask.Not only will you learn whether he has the emotional maturity it takes to make a relationship work for thelong haul, but you'll create the kind of communication that brings two people closer together...and buildsa solid foundation for the future.

There are critical moments that define your relationship with a man, from the moment you meet him all theway through commitment - and they can either break you apart or bring you even closer together. To learnhow to handle them, subscribe to Christian's free e-newsletter. He'll tell you what a man is reallythinking while he's dating you, and how you can create a solid foundation for a lasting, connected relationship.

Dating For Love

Why Men Settle Down With One Woman And Not Another

Why Men Settle Down With One Woman
And Not Another

By Christian Carter

Author of best-selling eBook Catch Him & Keep Him and free newsletter
Some men aren't able to commit to a woman because they're not ready or the timing isn't right. But often,even a committed bachelor will take the plunge when he meets a woman who embodies a certain mindset thatcreates what I call emotional attraction in him:

Want to know one of the biggest fears men have about relationships and commitment? That you only want usto fill a need - because you're looking for a husband and to have children. We, just like you, want to bewanted for who we are and not just for what we can give. And so, the minute a man gets even a hint thatyou have an agenda other than getting to know him, he immediately shuts down and starts to feel less attractedto you.
It's really tempting to think that your time is precious and that you need to let a man know right awaywhether or not he's up for a lifelong commitment. But the danger comes in making this the primary focusof your early interactions with a man. Take your time in getting to know a man and letting him see thatyou enjoy being with him - that he's not just a means to an end.

When a man thinks you've centered your whole life around him and that you've already decided he's the onebefore he talks about commitment, he'll feel pressured. He'll feel pressured to live up to your expectations,and he'll also feel anxious about letting you down. He'll also wonder why you've made up your mind about himso quickly.
Instead, you need to convey to a man that you are selective. Being selective means you let him know thatwhile you like him and enjoy being with him, you are also a woman with options who is in control of whathappens to her. How do you do this? By continuing to have a life outside him - nurturing your hobbies,spending time with friends and family, improving your life and career. When you do this, he starts feelinglucky to have a place in your life, and he'll fight to stay there.

One of the biggest things I teach is about building a solid foundation for a lasting relationship with a man.And the way to do this is by creating POSITIVE EXPERIENCES with him. Men can't be talked into relationships.The need for commitment arises from an emotional need deep inside a man. In order for a man to see you as anecessary part of his life, you need to create the right kind of experiences that serve to create emotionalattraction in him.
A positive experience is anything that you both enjoy and that, above all, is fun. Fight the need to talkabout the relationship, and instead turn your attention to creating great moments together. Do differentthings with him - play sports along with the usual dinners and movies. Spend time in groups of friends.Read the paper together and do spontaneous things without planning. Mix it up. All of these experiencesshow him that you are a woman who is easy and playful to be with, and that's the kind of woman he'll realizehe'd be a fool to let go of.

Understanding attraction and how it works is absolutely critical if you want to create a connected, lastingrelationship with a man. To learn more about the kind of woman a great guy is attracted to for the long term,subscribe to Christian's free e-newsletter. He'll tell you what makes a guy want to commit to you, and whatyou can do to get him there without any convincing or game playing.

Friday, April 6, 2012

6 Rules To Follow For A Successful “Friends With Benefits” Relationship

By Amelia McDonell-Parry

Friends with benefits. F**k buddies. It’s a concept I’ve never really been able to get behind, something I thought never really worked. Someone always develops feelings for the other, right? Someone always ends up getting hurt. But! I think I was wrong. Having the perfect f**k buddy relationship may be difficult, but it is not impossible — I should know!

See, off and on for the last year-plus, I’ve had a f**k buddy. And last night, when we were hanging out, I found myself thinking, This is pretty solid. This is easy. I don’t want anything more from this situation. So why has it worked? Well, I think we’ve stuck to six basic rules that have kept the boundaries clear and the situation mutually beneficial and fun. Check ‘em out, after the jump!

RULE #1: Be clear about what your relationship is from the start.

My FB and I actually met through an online dating site. We went out and hit it off, but he basically told me point blank that he “wasn’t really into dating.” I’m not entirely sure what he is into, but I suspect he thinks that when he meets “The One,” it’ll hit him over the head like a ton of bricks and he won’t have to do this whole courting process. Whatever. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, it’s not really my concern. I tend to be more openminded and believe it takes at least a little while to know whether someone is a match for you or not. The point is, the two of us clearly were not going to be BF/GF. And that was okay! The movie fantasy is that FB/FWB eventually fall in love; I am pretty sure that in real life, that is so rare, it’s not even worth discussing. If you find yourself seriously entertaining the hope that will happen, save yourself from heartbreak and end it.

RULE #2: Find each other interesting.

Some may disagree with me on this, but I think it’s kind of necessary to be able to, like, converse with your FB. After all, you’re not having sex the entire time you’re together and awkward silences are total bonerkillers. And, I don’t know, but I find sex — even casual sex — to be hotter if I find the person I’m sexing to be smart, funny and interesting. MY FB and I actually have a decent amount in common — we like the same movies and we’re both writers. I read his screenplay and gave him feedback. In exchange, he’s going to direct the rom-com I haven’t yet started writing. The last few times we’ve hung out, we’ve talked about more personal stuff too — prior relationships, family issues, etc. I’ve even needled him about what I think are his commitment issues. I’m intrigued by him. If I wasn’t, I would probably be bored by now. And I like him as a person. That’s kind of important for this to be a regular type of thing.

RULE #3: All that being said, don’t care that much.

You can’t. Really starting to care about the other person is what leads to a FB relationship becoming unbalanced and a lack of balance ruins it. Yesterday evening, when my FB texted me about hanging out, I was somewhat inclined to take a raincheck. I had some work I could do, a few shows on my DVR that I wanted to watch, and I desperately needed a wax. But then I was like, “Eh, I haven’t gotten laid in a while, the work can wait, I can watch TV some other night, and who gives a crap that I’m hairy?” The point is, if you really, really want to see the person and will reschedule everything even if it’s terribly inconvenient, you’re probably starting to develop feelings and that is a red flag. So keep an eye on that. 

RULE #4: Don’t see each other too often.

One way I think you can kind of keep the caring at bay is by seeing each other regularly but not so regularly that you might as well be dating. My FB and I see each other in spurts. Sometimes we’ll see each other every couple weeks; sometimes, we’ll go a few months without contact. I was in a relationship for a few months last year, so when he booty called, I said as much and that was that. Then when I was single again, we picked things back up. The good thing about hooking up every couple weeks to a month is that you naturally have plenty to talk about when you do see each other. My FB just got back from a trip to North Africa — fascinating!

RULE #5: Know your relationship has a shelf-life.

And be okay with that. Right now, having a FB really works for me because I’m actually totally in love with someone else with whom the timing is very wrong. It’s complicated. I can’t get into it. Basically, I’m sorting shit out in my head and heart. But my sex drive revs on! My FB satiates my libido but is not an emotional distraction. Likewise, I know that at some point he may meet someone and want to end things. Hell, I may never hear from him again. That would be fine with me. I’d wish him well. It’s gotta end sometime!

RULE #6: Be really, really sexually attracted.

At the end of the day, I have a lot of fun f**king this dude. Sex is ultimately brings us together every single time. If you’re not having fun in bed there really isn’t any point to this kind of arrangement.

6 Rules To Follow For A Successful “Friends With Benefits” Relationship

7 Signs You're Dating A Toxic Man

Are you with a toxic man? With Dr. Lillian Glass's new book as our guide, we'll find out.

We've all met a toxic man.

In fact, you've probably met a whole lot of them. And spent time with them. And dated them. And got all mired inrelationships with them. And the real kicker? You probably didn't even realized that dude you were dating was a manipulative, lying, super-clingy control freak. 11 Myths And Facts About Cheating

"So many women are worried about hurting a man's feelings," says Dr. Lillian Glass, author of the new book, Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable. "They forget to worry about themselves and their own emotional needs. A lot of woman are being abused and they don't even know it." 

I don't want you to be a woman ensnared by a toxic man (or woman—this book is for anyone, people), just because you didn't realize he was toxic. Neither does Dr. Glass. That is why the world needs this tome, because these men are harder to identify than you'd think. If in doubt, here are seven signs you might be dealing a toxic man. If the guy you're with sounds like the guy below, then heed the warnings. And for tons more tips on spotting, classifying and healing from these types, read Toxic Men STAT. "Is He Toxic Or Am I Just Hyper-Sensitive?"

1. He sounds too good to be true... Yeah, he is most likely a toxic man. We've all been hurt before, but a lot of women will start to retreat to a vulnerable place in their love lives when it happens, making them especially susceptible to toxic men. These guys seem to sweep you off your feet for a whirlwind romance. Be careful, though. Does he say he's ultra-protective because he loves you so much? Does he bring you gifts to smooth over his unsettling behavior? Does he seem to say whatever you want to hear, all the time? This dude could very well be one of Dr. Glass's eleven types of toxic men, ranging from the Jealous Competitor, to the Seductive Manipulating Cheating Liar, to the Socio-Psychopath. Watch. Out.

2. He tells you he is a jerk, a bad boy, or buried in debt. If a man tells you he is a certain way, just believe him. Don't try to convince him, or yourself, that he is in fact different from what he's telling you. He's not trying to be complicated, or waiting to reveal more glowing facts about himself at a later date. All you need to know is in the words he's sharing. Are Guys Jerks At Heart?

Next: You're a toxic-man magnet and 3 other signs to look out for...Read more:


OMSquee! (I Think.) Meet the First Couple to Get Married After Meeting on Chatroulette

by Anna Breslaw

Once upon a time there was an American woman (23) and a British man (28) and a bunch of random penises (various ages and shades), and they all met on Chatroulette and lived happily ever after!

You guys remember Chatroulette, right? The random-video chat craze from a few summers ago? It blew up so hard and fast that New York bars were having "Chatroulette karaoke nights," when performers would regale whoever was on the other end of the webcam with a serenade (I totally did it once and sang "Magic Man" by Heart). But by and large, it featured troublemakers, people who cruelly pushed "next" prematurely, and, most infamously, voyeurs. In layman's terms, if you've never been on it... frankly, there are more penises on there than in a men's locker room.

Which is what renders newlyweds Alex and Siobhan Rogers so incredibly, ridiculously lucky. The two met during their mutual first visit to Chatroulette (aw, virginity metaphor) in November 2009, according to the Daily Mail.

Alex remembers, "I just really fell for her. There was some spark and it was a bit flirtatious, and we seemed very keen and interested in each other."

"We spoke for six hours!" says Siobhan.

Afraid they'd never speak again after hitting "next," the two began a long-distance relationship via Facebook and Skype. In April 2010, Alex flew to Michigan to meet Siobhan's family, which the couple admits was strange at first, but her parents warmed up to him quickly (understandably, as the charming Brit is basically human Kryptonite). Eventually Siobhan quit her job and moved to London to be with Alex, where they now live. He proposed in February. Finally, they married last year--in Michigan. (Holla at compromises

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Help! Why Won’t My Boyfriend Quit Watching Porn? Am I Not Enough for Him?

Dear Single John,
My boyfriend of 2 years likes to watch porn at night when he thinks I'm sleeping. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him, like the girls in the videos have something that I don't. I've told him that it hurts me when he watches porn, but he blows it off like it's not a big deal. I've brought up us watching porn together because that would make me more comfortable, being able to see his face while he watches...I'm good at reading people. But he absolutely refuses to watch it with me. He asked me to be his wife and tells me he wants me to be the mother of his children, but I'm not sure if I want to do that with someone who takes such disregard for my feelings so that he can find pleasure. Is there anything we could do together that would make him want porn less and want me more? 
- No Competition

The porn thing. I’ve gotten flack before from readers before for saying that a guy’s masturbation time is his own and it has little to nothing to do with his partner, but it’s something I believe, and I’m sticking to it. I have my own issues with porn (I have no idea what kind your dude is watching), but those issues have nothing to do with guys using alternative means to supplement their sex life.

Chances are, his watching porn has absolutely nothing to do with you, your relationship, or your sex life. Guys masturbate. We are awesome at it. He’s going to do it anyway. If he agreed to stop watching porn, what would you be OK with him “using” instead? Because he’s going to fantasize about something. How about your friends? His coworkers? Women he actually knows?

Or are you hoping that eliminating porn from his masturbatory diet will make him fantasize about you and only you? Because it won’t.

If you weren’t having sex, and this was his only sexual release, I’d say there’s a problem with your sex life that needs addressing, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

And props to you for trying to watch it with him. I love it when a partner wants to explore my private sexual world. Even if I’m not game for it, I appreciate the effort. But you don’t seem to want to join in, you seem to want to watch because “you’re good at reading people.” Stop trying to be a creepy masturbation private investigator (which, by the way, sounds like the worst job on the planet).

Letting him know you know how and when he masturbates should be enough to get him to change his habits.

I understand your concern for his regard for your feelings. But if your guy was forbidden from watching porn, period, I do think his desire for you would increase, as would his desire for everyone else.

I think the more realistic option is to weigh his porn activities against your actual sex life and see if there’s a real problem there. If he’s using it to replace, as opposed to supplement, your sex life, it may make sense to have a chat about each other’s needs.

After all, if this guy’s going to be your husband, this would just be the beginning of your sex life, so best to nip it in the bud.

Read More 

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