Saturday, March 31, 2012


By jaustin
"Couple cuddling in bed"
I’ve been in some bad relationships—some I would even call toxic. And then I’ve been in some fully functioning, happy and healthy ones. And the major differences I saw between the two were these:
"Woman getting mad at her boyfriend"

Getting mad (at him)
You shouldn’t fear letting your man know when he’s upset you. So many women are afraid to bring up an issue because the guy either punishes them by saying, “You’re being dramatic” (if he doesn’t just straight up leave) or he completely goes on the defensive, making the issue ten times worse. Women can get pushed into a place of never expressing their thoughts about the relationship, for fear that it will make them more distant from their man, when that type of communication should make them closer.
"Woman yelling into phone"
Getting mad (at others)
Are you not a totally demure, rolls with the punches, never complains type of woman? Good! They’re boring! But some women don’t want to Itchbay out a cab driver who is clearly cheating her on the bill, or call out a friend who is being impossible to handle, or even curse out a guy who just said something sleazy to her in front of her man for fear of looking like a crazy Itchbay. But guess what? It’s healthy to be a bit of a crazy you-know-what sometimes, and you want a man that is not only okay with that, but finds it attractive that you don’t let anyone step on you
"Woman crying"
Women are constantly criticized for being too emotional, so much so that we’ve become self-conscious any timewe become emotional, thinking, “I’m such a girl.” Well…YEAH! You are a girl. Not to mention just an emotional human being. And believe it or not, your man wants you to be a girl. He will probably find it endearing that you’re comfortable falling apart in front of him. Truth is, men get off on making you feel better. Give him that chance and don’t go hide whenever you feel the need to cry.
"Woman looking in the mirror"
Being insecure
No woman is immune to the common things that make most women insecure. No woman. Every woman sometimes wonders if her man wishes she were more like his “cool” female friend who hangs with the guys. Every woman sometimes just needs to be told she is loved more often. Every woman has irrational days when she feels completely hideous and needs constant reassurance. That’s fine. Some men react poorly to that and will make you feel silly for it. But you want a man who hugs you, gives you that reassurance, indulges you in your momentary lapse of insecurity, and then forgets about it.
"Woman waking up"
Looking unkempt
Do you have that girlfriend who has never allowed her boyfriend to let her see her not done up? HOW do they do it? It beats me, but it’s also just not sustainable. And guess what else? Men feel closer to a woman when they get to hang in bed with her, looking the way she only looks at home. It makes them feel they’ve been let into her personal space, and that is a good thing.
"Woman sick to her stomach"
Getting sick
know every woman gets insecure about it—bathroom issues. No matter what’s going on in there, no woman wants to admit to her boyfriend when she’s developing an intimate relationship with the toilet because she ate something bad! I’ve gone so far as to, on a vacation when I got sick, tell my man I was going to hit the hotel tread mill for a bit. I was secretly praying to the porcelain gods in the gym bathroom. I don’t want to have to be that secretive again, and you shouldn’t have to either. If you’re going to spend your life with this person, they need to know that you arehuman.
"Woman hugging man"
Being affectionate to others
Are you an affectionate person? Do you just get the urge to hug your friends—including your male friends—when they say something hilarious or sweet? Physical closeness is a human need! You shouldn’t have to suppress that urge because of a jealous boyfriend. He should be secure enough in himself to know that just because you hug, or even kiss on the cheek, a male friend doesn’t mean you want to tear his clothes off.

Friday, March 30, 2012


We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Today a woman is uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s level of sexual experience and asks for advice from a man and a woman.

Dear Sexes: My boyfriend and I have been expressing an interest in more sexual variety (anal sex, toys, etc.). Since I don’t have a wealth of experience, I’ve been looking forward to trying out new things with him together. That is, until he recently revealed that he has actually already done most of what we discussed with other partners — and now I unexpectedly feel uncomfortable with our different levels of experience and us not going through the "newness" together. What can I do about this?

She Said: I guess my biggest concern is whether he was hiding his past or if you two just hadn’t discussed it . . . If he was hiding it, that is a problem that you guys have to get to the root of. Make sure you know why he was dishonest and be sure he’s living true to his word in other areas of your relationship.

But if he was honest and just hadn’t told you all the details, it’s less a problem with him, and more a problem you’ve got to deal with inside yourself. I can totally understand why this new knowledge (regardless of how it came out) is throwing you off. There’s a certain sweetness in trying new things together, like walking side-by-side into a new land. I get that . . .
But the truth is, it’s all new for both of you because you’re going into it together. Keep your eye on what the purpose of sex with your boyfriend is. Is it gaining closeness, giving one another pleasure, and learning about each other? If so, then it doesn’t matter what he’s done with whom. If you’re just going for “newness” then just dive a little deeper. Ben-wa balls, vibrators (on him too!), role play, light BDSM, exhibitionism, watching porn together . . . There are amazing new avenues for you both!

He Said: There’s gotta be SOMETHING he hasn’t done! Browse together at a sex-toy shop. I’m sure you’ll find something that neither of you has tried, and interests both of you. Then you can experiment and adventure together. The world of sex and sex toys is essentially limitless — you are really only bound by your imaginations or inhibitions. If your boyfriend really has done EVERYTHING, maybe you should ask him if he has any porn credits in his filmography. Or maybe it’s best if you don’t ask him.

Seriously though, don’t be discouraged. And try not to let your boyfriend’s past experiences ruin your fun now. You’re teammates (or sex-mates) so you’re on the same team, you’re not competing against each other. Remember, it’s pretty rare and unlikely that any two people would have the exact same sexual past (unless both people were only ever with their partner). While it sounds like there’s plenty for your boyfriend to teach you in the bedroom, I’m sure there’s things you can teach him too. Everyone has a different angle on sex, romance, and intimacy. And keep looking online, in stores, (or even in the fridge) — I’m sure you’ll find something you both want to try for the first time. Happy exploring!

what does he want from me???

what does he want from me???

I met this guy through work he was in a different department and he was so into me at least I think so based on his flirting and behavior. One day I was asked by upper management to transfer to the same department as him and we were both happy about it. But once it was official his communication wasn't the same anymore. Spent most of his time around other male coworkers from other departments when he never did before and it amazed me how wed never talk about departmental projects when normally colleagues would.

It saddened me to be neglected in a way but I did ask him calmly about us needing to plan meetings because we should be talking about projects but he's always to be found assisting other departments other than the one he belongs too. He was shocked but to summarize he claimed that he and I "do talk" (we really didn't).

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This eventually led to many arguments between him and I over a several month period either to which he started or I started and it was always about the weirdest emotional things I.e. he claimed I never said hi/bye or how other males in other depts bugged me a lot and my arguments were usually we don't communicate or plan things he checks in with everyone but me etc.

Despite the arguments when things were not argumentative he would invite me to lunch or events he was involved in (rarely but he did still ask) and if I couldn't go he'd bug me to go..and when id go. Id either get third wheel'd or he'd not acknowledge me unless I was talking to another male or he realized I was leaving for the night..frankly why bug me to go if you aren't gona say anything to me???

One day it was 45 minutes later after id normally be at work I was getting work done on my car (it was an emergency/last minute thing) and I couldn't call because my cell battery was low and I couldn't call anyone cause I was saving it for a tow. When I got to the mechanic I checked my phone he called twice emailed once and got two other people to contact me. According to a close work friend of mine he spazzed out. Was apparently so worried he was pacing around and couldn't sit still etc. I couldn't believe it.the guy who didn't give me the time of day was actually worried about me? Anyway it backfired when we ended up arguing about that situation too.

Anyway here we are. Some how we are at the point where I finally got him talking to me about work projects now and socialization here and there. But I get a he's giving me space as if he thinks I hate him sort of behavior. Whenever he'd grab coffee with the guys he'd ask me if I wanted any (and even pays) for me. Now he doesn't even ask me....he doesn't even hide the fact that they are going...cause whenever he goes he says "ill be right back going to grab coffee" everytime he goes. And he even sees that I have to even ask whoever he's with to grab me one so he knows I like coffee. Sometimes if he sees ppl buy me one he'll insist on paying for mine -- I don't know if he pays for theirs too.

I guess my question is... I don't know if he thinks I hate him and want him to leave me alone. He does go out of his way to say hi/bye to me and does communicate more work wise and socially but u can see that he acts in a "don't wanna bug her" or "she hates me" sorta distance.

I still totally adore him and would like to progress things starting with a friendship we used to have.

I don't get wht he's thinking....can anyone decipher this?

Two how do I get things close to where it used to be?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The One Who Got Away

By eHarmony Staff

The One Who Got Away

Five reasonable, rational ways to try to “reel in” someone you loved and lost

Someone once said that romance is like a can of spray paint—once the propellant is gone, it’s done with and over. Fuggeddaboutit! That would certainly seem to be conventional wisdom, judging by how things typically work. Break-ups are usually a one-way street. But not always. 

Granted, it is important to avoid clinging to something that is gone for good. In that case, grieve your loss—or let your anger run its course—and then move on. But sometimes it’s possible to back up and take another run at a relationship that just needed a hiatus to allow both people to re-evaluate and regroup. If you think that describes you but you have no idea how to rebuild a bridge that seems thoroughly burned, take heart. Here are five steps for reclaiming the love you thought you lost:

1. Start fresh if you’re going to reunite with an old love, you should approach the situation as a “fresh start” and not just “picking up where we left off.” This means letting go of what’s in the past and looking ahead, with a clean slate, to future possibilities. The idea is to loosen your grip and realize that, if you don’t, you may strangle the very thing you long for—another chance. The truth is, your old relationship is dead and shouldn't be revived as it was. If you still hope for a future together you must release the past and start over.

2. Understand what really went wrong. If you want to build a house that will last a lifetime, and your first attempt collapses around you, wouldn’t it be wise to figure out WHY before trying again? The same is true of starting over after a relationship falls apart. You must courageously examine yourself, to identify your faults and weaknesses. True, success depends upon changes in both of you, but the only shortcomings you can correct are your own.

3. Enter “rehab.” Knowing where you need to improve is only half the battle. The other half is to take active, effective steps to fix them. If you decide your appearance was part of the problem, then join a gym, update your wardrobe and cut down on fast food. If self-confidence is an issue, find a qualified therapist to help you along or at least read books on how to develop self-esteem. Were you too controlling? Take a meditation class to learn to chill out. The point is, it will take more than words to earn a second chance. You must have evidence that the changes you’ve made are real and permanent.

4. Give it time. None of the above will happen overnight. Furthermore, the dust and ash from the collapse of the old relationship must settle before either of you can see clearly into the future. In other words: Don’t rush it! Resist the temptation to start sending him text messages again, or to drop by her favorite coffee shop when you know she’s there. Patience is key to success, as the ancient Chinese saying implies: “Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe.” Time will mellow your old conflicts—and allow your new potential to mature fully before you put it to the test.

5. Make a move. Eventually you'll have to reenter his or her life. When you do, be fresh and original. Accentuate the new-and-improved you. Be adventurous, creative, and daring. Assume nothing about his or her preferences. Think outside the box that your old habits had formed around your relationship. Plan a date as if it were your very first and you had one shot at making an impression—because it’s true.

Yes, there is a reason you broke up. But there is also a reason the other person was attracted to you in the first place. To find that potential again, let go, do the work, take your time—and then put your best foot forward.

More: Relationship Killers: 9 Phrases to Nix Now

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Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Plan 4th Vow Renewal

By Derrick Bryson Taylor

Mariah and Nick to Renew Their Wedding Vows

Believe it or not, it's been five years since Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon wed in a surprise ceremony at Carey's home in the Bahamas in 2008. Each year since, the couple has renewed their wedding vows, and this year, despite Cannon's ongoing health issues, they will say "I do" once more.

Cannon told Life & Style, "We get married every year; it's our thing. I just have to keep doing it to make sure it's real!" 

This time around things will certainly be different. In addition to April 30th being the couple's wedding anniversary, it also happens to be the birthday of their twins Monroe and Moroccan-Scott. "It's a family day," Cannon says. "We'll celebrate with them during the day and just the two of us at night. It's going to be big," he adds.

Cannon suffered numerous health scares at the top of the year. Only recently did he come out and say he's been diagnosed with autoimmune disease lupus nephritis and announced he's stepping down from his daily radio show to focus on his health. He told, "It goes to show you how much things can change. In tough times, you lean on family."

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