Tuesday, March 27, 2012

First real relationship - first real breakup.


Me and my now ex, dated for 3 1/2 years, starting my Junior year of high school, I guess you could call of us high school sweethearts. We had a great, loving, and understanding relationship; truth be told I thought out relationship was way ahead of a lot of others, we were taking trips with each others families and eventually took a vacation on our own this last summer. Life seemed perfect to quite an extent, we were both very happy with where our future was headed and looked forward to it.

Then, it was time for her to go to college, 2 hours away from where I was attending school. She is a design major, which if you don't know, basically means you sell your soul to the university for the first year. We had many talks in summer about this, if we wanted to give this a shot, and she insisted, "if we want this bad enough, I know we can do it." I agreed. Fast forward to the end of the first semester and it was obvious our relationship was not the same one when we lived near each other. She was very busy a lot and stressed out, constantly with school. We talked almost every day if we could, but understanding her situation, sometimes I knew we wouldn't be able to. Most months we'd be lucky to see each other two weekend days, but we still wanted things to work out.

Until recently.. You see I am going to school where she is currently, next year, and just to be clear, this decision was not because of her and we weren't going to be living with each other. But, I went down to sign my lease for next year and went out to eat with her - she didn't seem herself and knowing her for 5 years, I could tell something was up. When questioned, she said she had an innocent crush on someone and felt terrible about it, stating nothing had happened, she didn't talk to him outside of class, etc. Well a week later it was Valentines day, we were still together and she made me a very sweet card and gift. Only 5 days later, she came to see me, we went to a movie, out to eat and went back to my apartment. She broke down and said she needed a break, a 'time to figure out who she is'. She felt like she had really lost sight of that.

We talked about it and decided a week of no-contact would be the rules - only to get a call on Wednesday, with her decision it was in her best interest to finish out these two semesters and see if things can work out from there. I felt very cheated and lied to almost - it's like everything happened in an instant and only a week ago were we still saying I love you, etc. I took it very hard, I mean, it hit me out of nowhere to be honest. I messed things up for a bit, questioning things thereafter, until one day we had a two hour long talk and she admitted she had fallen out of love with me.

Now, currently this is the situation.. a week after that last talk, her friend told me that my ex had called her and said she couldn't sleep because it was eating her up how she broke things off so fast, but felt like she had to. We agreed to meet up and talk about things face to face for the first time. Everything felt normal as it used to and we did kiss... what a mistake that was. Turns out it was all about seeing if it would fix things and well it didn't. I went to visit a friend at her school this last weekend and asked if I could just stop by and say 'hey', she agreed and after just talking she brought everything up - there was a lot of crying and hugging. Ultimately, she realizes that she wants to give this a chance in summer, but until then, we both need to move on to an extent, give the space, and let things happen as they may come summer time.

I want things to work out, I mean, I love this girl, but is it so wrong of me to delete her from Twitter and FaceBook - I just feel like every time I see her talking to other guys, I get down about myself. Also, our current talking situation is still the same way it has been since the start. I let her contact me and we talk pretty briefly, about every 4 days or so, nothing more than that.

Any advice on how to handle all of this, I mean, she said, "I would like things to work out, that would be nice, but you can't force love, it's just something that happens." but at times, I just don't know how to handle things up until that point - should I just let go and see if those feelings come back in Summer?

First real relationship - first real breakup.


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