Tuesday, April 17, 2012

13 of the Grossest, Weirdest Pickup Lines We Have Ever Heard, Ever.

by Anna Breslaw 

The very concept of catcalls and pickup lines are weird enough: Does this guy really think that he can get us to go home with him with the power of one phrase? Apparently, some do. And here are some real winners.

Below is a motley assortment of one-liners that my friends and I have gotten from men (who were also possibly parolees) over the years at bars and such. Unsurprisingly, many of them are variations on a theme (fertility), but there are some wild cards in the pack. It's not even that they're cheesy. They're simply straight-up weird.

[girl passes by wearing massive, thick winter coat that obscures any curves she may have.] "Mmm, you are a baby-making machine, girl."

"Hi, my name's ____. I wanna make you pregnant." [Not even "get you pregnant." Make you pregnant.]

"You would look beautiful with child."

"Are you ovulating?"

"I would go down on you if you were on your period."

"Are you post-menopausal yet?" [Incredibly, some guy asked my mom this.]
"I wish I was your tampon."
"I killed a man once."
"Just by looking at you, I can tell you didn't have a father."
"Your name is Anna? It must be fate. My mother's name is Anna." [creepy toothless man shows me a tattoo on his arm that says "Anna."]
"What time is it? Good, because I wanted to know the exact moment I first saw you."
And the #1 winner for creepiest pick-up line of all time is...
"You got lil' baked bean teeth."
EW. What? Right? Let's just hope these aren't the things that dudes are thinking when we're naked, right? Give me the weirdest pickup line you've ever gotten below, although I bet it can't compete with baked bean teeth.
More on men and their pick-up lines:

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