Wednesday, February 8, 2012

"Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and two months. Since this year has started, I’ve been trying to decide what I need to do in regards to our relationship. My main issue is the minimal effort he has put into making things work. He has his own business, of which he needs one or two more people to assist. However, besides his sister helping on occasion, he does everything on his own. From the start, I understood, as well as accepted this. However, our dates have always been centered around his business or attending one friend’s parties. This averages out to me seeing him about once a month.

We have never gone out and spent an evening by ourselves, nor have we ever done anything “special.” When I ask him about this, he always just says he’s busy. His sister has said to both him and myself, that even if he’s busy, he has the type of business in which I can hang out at. After two big blow outs between us where he was blatantly disrespectful to me, I’m beginning to wonder about the future of our relationship. He used to call me at least once a day, and now three to four days will pass before he calls. I usually try to call him at least once a day, however, I’ve noticed that if I don’t call him, four days will pass before I hear anything from him.

So, over a week ago I called him and told him I don’t think it was going to work. He invited me over to talk about it and the conversation ended after I expressed my frustration with our current state of affairs. He told me that he loves me, he doesn’t want to lose me, and he promises that he is going to give me much more attention. He has promised this before, which I have pointed out, but he says that this time it’s really going to be different.

This past week, the only time we spoke was when I called. Of course, our conversations never even lasted past three minutes. This morning, I called him to let him know that I was going to be in town later, to help my cousin organize an upcoming charity event, and was wondering if he would like to get together in the evening. He was hesitant at first, and then said that he was going to be busy, but I could come over. He’s planning to have friends over.

This is how it’s been from the time we’ve met. I love him, but I’m increasingly feeling like I deserve more than this. I would like for us to spend time together, especially seeing as I have to drive an hour to see him. I do all the driving because he doesn’t drive. What should I do?

larisa5656 I'm in kind of the same situation right now. My boyfriend and I live about an hour apart from each other, and while we're trying to talk on the phone at least once a week and hang out every other weekend, it feels like I'm making more of an effort than he is. I need some romance (i.e., occassional compliments, thoughtful gestures to show he cares, etc.) but he hasn't made any attempts in this department, nor am I sure how to ask him to do so. Its still early days in this relationship, so I'm going to give him about another month to get over his nervousness. If things haven't changed by mid-March though, I'm leaving him.

wolfpackgalYou just described my relationship - the one that I just ended. It lasted a year and two months (ha!). My ex was one of the only people at his friend's brand new business, and everything he did revolved around that business. I tried to accept that, but I would always come second to his job and money. He wouldn't put the effort into our relationship that he would into his other interests, including the business and his friends and his car. I was constantly giving him chances to "fix" it, but he was just not ready for a relationship. I needed more and he couldn't give it to me. When we were together, things were great. When we were apart, I felt lonely and like I wasn't even in a relationship. I was making all the effort to make it work, and he just went about his life as if I weren't in it. I felt insecure and needy and awful when we weren't together, and that's not how a relationship should be. It took me catching him cheating to finally leave him, but looking back, I realize that we were just on two totally different levels. I was ready for a committed, caring relationship, and he just wanted a girl to come home to when it was convenient. If he's not giving you what you need, and you are questioning the relationship, leave. Guys like this do not change.

"Should I Stay or Should I Go?" 


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