"I Snooped On My Boyfriend's Facebook...Now What?"

I checked my boyfriend's Facebook while he was away and found that he has been regularly messaging his ex-girlfriend. I know he doesn't want to be with her — they've tried — it didn't work out and they ended it two years ago. He told me they stay in touch, but I didn't realize he meant they message each other at least once a week. The messages are normal (they live in different countries), "How are you. What are you up to this week? Miss you — hope all is well. This is what is going on with me. . . blah blah blah."

He hasn't done anything to cross the line indicating that they're more than just friends, but the thing is he LOVED this girl and wanted to marry her just three years ago. He tells me he could never be with her again due to his beliefs (he's agnostic and can't be with women that are religious).

Despite all of this, I'm hurt. I wish he didn't have this tight relationship with his ex, even though it is a respectful one.

I can't admit that I know this, or that it's been bothering me, because I snooped. What should I do? I'm seriously thinking about breaking up, because I feel if one is done with a relationship, they are done and there should be no need to connect all the time. If I do choose to break up with him though, what do I say my reason is? He has been nothing but sweet/nice to me.

countchocula

Some people choose to remain friends with their exes and I see nothing wrong with that. My guy meets up with his exes for coffee and a chat sometimes and I've got absolutely no qualms about it. Why? Because if he really had an interest to get back with either of them, he would've done so in the time he had before committing to another relationship. Plus I am very confident that he is a loyal, honorable man who wouldn't shame either of us by bringing one of his exes or another woman into our relationship. Do you feel the same way about your boyfriend? I imagine it must be very emotionally exhausting to be snooping on your boyfriend to make sure he stays faithful.

dreamalittledream

I'm a little confused. Are you thinking about ending the relationship because he's on good terms with his ex-girlfriend? He was completely up front with you regarding his communication with her, and you found nothing sexual or inappropriate in their correspondences. If you were thinking about breaking up with him regardless, then go ahead, but to break up with him over this, in my opinion, is unreasonable.

Personally, I think it speaks VOLUMES about him as a person that he was honest with you about his ex and that he is able to maintain friendship with her.

onlysourcherryFirst of all, don't snoop again. It's a good sign he ended things on respectful terms with his ex and that they can maintain some contact. He didn't lie to you. He isn't having an emotional affair. You're the only one in the wrong here.

"I Snooped On My Boyfriend's Facebook...Now What?"