Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dating A Coworker


How can I keep her from becoming my buddy without causing problems at the office or being a jerk?"This week, Doc Love, author of "The System," tells a reader how to deal with a breakup after dating a coworker. Hey Doc,I’ve been a self-sustaining individual most of my life. I left home early, made my way through college, joined the Army, started a consulting career, and then finally settled in Edmonton, Canada, at the age of 29. I haven’t built much experience with women other than one-night stands, so I’ve nursed delusions of grandeur and tried to find “the one girl” who I’ll live my life with.I met Megan at work. She’s a stunning girl who has many of the same interests as me. And so began three months of me turning into an available, sensitive, nice, weak, giving, pays-for-everything dummy. After all of that, she began to act weird and distant, even though I gave her everything she wanted (I know, Doc -- I can picture you shaking your head right now). So she dumped me, of course, and I spent a week whining and crying. After that I realized that she ended the relationship because I lacked the skills to keep her from the start. I began my search for knowledge and stumbled on your book, “The System,” and everything started to make sense. I even met some very willing women the same week by using techniques straight from your book. I knew I’d found gold and quickly ordered your other materials in order to acquire more of your wisdom.Doc, I need some immediate coaching. When Meg broke up with me, she used the words “friends,” “respect” and “nice guy” a lot. She also asked if she could still call me to talk and get advice. I made it clear I couldn’t be her friend and told her I was removing all traces of her from my cell phone and social sites. Now it’s been a while, and she’s tried to strike up small talk at the office and mentioned that in a couple months I’ll get over it and we can be friends again (this was something she read in a dating article). Doc, Megan is a stand-up gal and I still think she’s pretty cool, but I failed to keep her Interest Level up and lost her. What do you think is going on with this girl? How can I keep her from becoming my buddy without causing problems at the office or being a jerk?Gavyn - who wants to learn at the feet of the masterDoc Love's ResponseHi Gavyn,You shouldn’t feel bad about your weak history with women. Most guys are like you. You worked your tail off and got your act together in life for the most part, all of which is commendable. But at the same time you should have had my book when you were 18 or 19 so you could have been studying women for the past 10 years. Instead, you’re pushing 30 and just getting started on your real education. You're self-deprecating when you describe how you acted with Megan, but you’re being too hard on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being a Giver and there’s nothing wrong with paying for everything. But if you’re too available and weak, that’s another issue altogether. Being too available and weak is terrible. Those characteristics are the ones that are going to cause you to come up short with women.Megan acted weird and distant with you because you turned her off, guy. You might have given her everything she wanted, but you didn’t give her what she needed, which was challenge.So how should Gavyn treat Megan at work? When you encounter her at work, just smile, say hi and keep walking.When you say you “lacked the skills to keep her from the start,” it’s the best and most interesting thing you brought out in your letter. Because that’s what my materials do for you -- they help you keep a woman. Ninety percent of the guys out there can get a woman to fall in love with them, but how many can actually keep them in love? And that’s where the problem lies. You’re right about my techniques -- they are gold, but most men’s egos won’t allow them to see it when it’s right in front of their eyes. Or they’re just too lazy to change.It’s fine that Megan used the word “respect” to refer to you. But when she uses words like “friend” and “nice guy,” it’s the kiss of death. They are horrible words, and you know why, because you’ve read my book.If Megan calls you for advice, maybe she can set you up with one of her good-looking girlfriends. Did you think of that? Of course you should have deleted all traces of her from your cell phone, but you didn’t have to tell her about it. Why are you pouting, Gavyn? Do you think Megan’s going to like you more if you toss a hissy fit and insist that you can’t be her friend? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “What are you, a baby?”Whoever wrote the article claiming that you and Megan could be friends again after she showed you the door is dead wrong. Like the great Doctor Freud once wrote, “Rejection is forever.” To you psych majors, people are emotional and they don’t forget.What do I think is going on with this girl? Nothing, as far as you’re concerned. She just wants to waste your time, that’s all. How can you handle Megan’s presence around the office without being a jerk? First of all, you’re not a jerk, Gavyn. Nowhere in your letter did you act like a jerk. You’re not built that way. Secondly, you don’t want to be Megan’s buddy. When you encounter her at work, just smile, say hi and keep walking. Then, like my buddy Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Go and flirt with all the other girls in the place and make them laugh.”Remember, guys: When it’s over, it’s over.To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions, or to find out more about The System, visit me at or call 800-404-2644. For the past 30 years, Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man vs. another?”2 BY DOC LOVEDoc LoveDOC LOVEEVERY THURSDAYFIRST IMPRESSION THIS ARTICLE MAKES ME16%LAUGH11%THINK9%FURIOUS4%HAPPY7%SAD53%A BETTER MANRead more:


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