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Medically reviewed by Niya Jones MD, MPH
He Wants You to Initiate Sex (and Cuddling)You may think sexual desire is hard-wired in men, but with every attempt at turning you on comes a threat of rejection — even in the most established relationships. That’s why it’s such a turn-on when a woman makes the moves, allowing him to skip the risk altogether. And it’s not just sex he wants: One recent study from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University actually found that cuddling and caressing in a relationship are more important to men than women. Next time, be the sexual pioneer — it could strengthen the health of your relationship more than you realize.
He's Depressed
Depression has no gender bias: It can strike anyone, including the most macho of men. However, studies show that men who are depressed are less likely to open up about their sadness or lack of energy than women. Instead, they are more likely to avoid sex, say they’re overtired, or drink more. "Some men are uncomfortable about feeling sad, and their sadness or depression may come out as anger," warns Firstein. Depression is one of the most dangerous secrets a man can keep, so if you think a male in your life could be depressed, it’s important to let him know that you’re concerned.
He Suppresses (Instead of Addresses) Doubt
Some men are instilled with the notion that they shouldn’t show signs of fear or doubt; eventually, those doubts and fears can snowball into big secrets, ones they may keep even from themselves. But when his undisclosed apprehensions involve his relationship — whether it’s about getting married or bringing you along to “guys’ night” — both partners’ emotional health is at risk. "Men may postpone a marriage engagement as long as possible and then propose because they think it is the right thing to do,” Firstein says. “They frequently get anxious or distant right before a wedding because they have not fully dealt with their doubts or fears."
He Feels Afraid of His Own Feelings
Doubt isn’t the only emotion men stay hush-hush about — in fact, some guys have a hard time opening up about a range of feelings. "Because many men are problem solvers and are uncomfortable talking about feelings, there are a number of intense feelings that don't get expressed with words, but rather acted out," notes Firstein. The good news? Men aren’t Neanderthals. The emotions are there; they just need to be uncovered. And if ‘fessing up about his feelings remains a stumbling block, he may need to seek relationship advicefrom a professional.
And the Biggest Secret Men Keep…
Here’s a fact: Men need (and want) intimacy just as much as women do. Mutual respect, trust, support, and communication — these relationship musts are just as important for a man's emotional and sexual health as they are for a woman's. When both partners are able to open up and let their relationship develop at its own pace, that love will be nurtured by positivity — rather than stunted by secrets.
9 Secrets Men Keep From Women
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