Friday, January 13, 2012

Girl's Best Friend: Where Have All the Gentleman Gone?

By Nathan Hale Williams

Last night, one of my sister-friends took my friends and I out to dinner. She was the only female at our table of five. Normally, I would feel very uncomfortable about this – a table full of guys and the woman pays – but thankfully, she owns the restaurant so it was no big deal. That said, you might call me old fashioned, but I it got me to thinking. I just don’t understand the whole concept of going “Dutch,” on dates, especially first dates.

Another one of my sister-friends called me this week flabbergasted. She’d gone out with a guy for dinner and he suggested that they “split the bill.” Granted, my sister-friend does very well for herself, but the guy she went out with has a good job too. More importantly, he asked her out on the date. I totally understood why she was upset – her date didn’t get it.

SOUND OFF: Why Should Men Pay for the First Date?

Yes, I know we’re in new age times when it comes to dating and sisters are doing it for themselves. But there are just certain things that shouldn’t change. In any man’s company, my mother will wait at a door until it is opened for her. She quietly demands it and I respect her for it. Often, I say to my sister-friends, “Don’t touch that door, I got it.” I was taught to be a gentleman and I don’t think that diminishes a woman’s independence.

My sister-friend’s date argued that since women were “liberated” in so many respects these days it was completely acceptable for him to ask her to split the check. “That’s some bull [crap],” I said. As she told me, this is the same guy that said, “[He] was looking for a woman who could cook as good as his momma.” And, he couldn’t pay for dinner. It was a hypocritical double standard to say the least.

I sincerely believe that you get the respect you demand. So, I applauded my sister-friend for refusing to go “Dutch” and insisting that he pay for the meal. After which, she not so politely told him to lose her number. Good for her! Yet, it got me to thinking, ‘How many women hadn’t been so resolute and pulled out their wallets to pay?’ I imagine that had happened before and there’d been some women that had continued to date this jerk.

DATING HORROR STORY: He Stole Our Dinner  

Yes, women have come a long way from bare foot, pregnant and in the kitchen. With that said, there should still be a level of chivalry in dating between a man and a woman. If a guy is not on his very best behavior from the outset then, it’s only going downhill from there. He should be bending over backwards trying to impress you – including wining and dining you. In my book, that is the bare minimum. And no, dinner is not an entitlement to sex, even if you did order the Surf & Turf.

Men will try to get away with whatever they can. I’m a man and I admit this! I do think too many women have let men get away with way too much. All the news reports and ‘studies’ have you lowering your expectations and standards. Stop it! Right now! You deserve better! You deserve to be treated like a lady regardless of your title at work. And so, the next time some guy suggests you ‘split it,’ tell him “Dutch is for Amsterdam,” and scram!

Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! 


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