Monday, March 12, 2012

Is it naive to think your relationship with your spouse is special or unique?

A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I was working on my wife's computer recently, and I found some oldemails from about 3 and 4 years ago between my wife and a couple of herexes. I couldn't resist the temptation to read them.

I don't know that I really feel jealous (at least that's not how Iwould describe it)(believe me, I've been jealous before!). It's more ofa feeling of having my "bubble" popped. Basically, she told these guyshow much she loved them, used the same "sweetie" types names with them,etc. as she does with me. She also told them they were "perfect" size,told them how she would plesure them for the rest of their lives ifthey got married, told them they were amazing, etc.

She described various sex acts she'd done with them, told them how muchshe loved it, etc. Essentially, everything she tells me or does with meare almost identical to what she did with them. (If anything, she tellsme a lot less how much she loves having sex with me, how "amazing" I amas a person, etc.) Both of them eventually broke up with her, but shehad made it very clear to both of them that she wanted to get marriedto them.

She's had other fairly serious relationships in the past also, so it'sreasonable to think she's said and done most of the same or similarthings with at least 6-8 men. (she has been married once before as well)

I had it my head that it was somehow "special", or different with mebased on all the wonderful things she told me. I realize it doesn'tmake the things she's said to me untrue, but it has changed myperception of our relationship to know there's nothing unique about it.If you have steak for dinner every night, is really "special" in anyway on night 1,000?

Is it just naive and stupid to think your relationship with your spouseis in some way "special"? Is it just dumb to even want to have arelationship that is in some way special?

I realize, of course, that if I hadn't read the emails I'd still be ina state of naive bliss. Is that the answer? Just believe the illusionwe create for ourselves and ignore reality?

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