Saturday, March 10, 2012

"I Don't Want to Break Up, but I Don't Know How to Stay Together"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have had a rocky relationship. When we met, he hadjust broken up with his long-term girlfriend and I was still in arelationship. I actually carried on a long-distance relationship withhim and my LD boyfriend for four months before I finally broke up withmy boyfriend. Needless to say, they both found out and the new bfdumped me. After talking through things, for about two weeks, he agreedto forgive me. But he wanted me to move (to another country) to livewith him and be with him. I did . . . but I had trouble finding a joband since he was the only person I had to talk to most days, I feltconfined and resentful. Worse, I checked his emails one night and foundout he had been secretly meeting his ex, buying speakers with her,going to movies, etc. He even had emails in his draft folder tellingher how much he missed her and how he was sure he wanted her back. Iconfronted him, and he said he was trying to maintain a friendship withher and that those were written at low points when he had doubts. Hesaid he finally cut off all communication with her in December. I hadto fly home for my grandmother's funeral and at this point I'm not surewhen I will be back. Because of all the turmoil and craziness andbecause he thinks I can't forgive him, he said we should breakup. Logically, that makes sense, and it might be easier for me to finda job here. But breaking up with him just feels WRONG. Despiteeverything, I feel like we should be together.

I know we have so many issues: trust, baggage from the lastrelationships, needing to communicate better. Do you think it'spossible for two people to work through all that? Do you think it'seven worth it? I haven't spoken to him in 24 hours and it already hurtslike hell. I know if it's meant to be, we could take a break and seefrom there. But I just want him in my life.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice.



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