Monday, March 5, 2012

Things I've Learned About Relationships

Most people fall out after the "honeymoon" phase. For some reason comfortable scares us. It's hard to finally start to tell things that you've been holding in, or stop making sure you look perfect for every single date. Being comfortable with someone is something that strikes a fear. For me, it's always hard to get past this step. 

It's easy for me to be swept off my feet, but it's really hard for me to start to show my flaws and tell someone about the things I have been through. I don't think anyone likes admitting that at one point or another, they were wronged, or did something shameful.

There is a difference between arguing and fighting. Arguing can be constructive, it can bring two people to a mutual understanding, if done the right way. Fighting is never healthy. Calling names, raising voices, emotional abuse, it's all bad. I've learned that constructive criticism will always be around. I will never be the perfect girlfriend so when I do something that may be a bother to my significant other, I would much rather sit down and solve the problem than let my temper get the best of me. 

I'm scared of love, I think most of us are. It's scary to know that someone has a control over you. The ability to hurt and break you at any second. That is the scariest part for me. I know that the second I let my guard down, I might shatter because I've been there. But if I didn't trust and let my walls fall down, I would have never learned that getting hurt only made me stronger. 

I know what to look for and what not to do. Feeling loved and loving is a great feeling in general, so when it approaches you, don't shut it down. Keeping a safe distance until you are ready to let go can do the heart good. 

Never underestimate the power of your mind. If your mind is telling you one thing but your heart is saying another, don't hesitate to figure it out. Some people brush it off and figure that it will wash away on it's own, but when it comes down to the end, you are the only person who knows what is best for you. If your heart is telling you to stay and your head is saying get out, chances are you should evaluate the situation you are in.

Being single isn't bad. Personally, I am not good at being single. I enjoy being in a relationship. But after getting out of a long one, before throwing yourself back out there right away, take some time to yourself. Go out with friends, enjoy it. You need time to heal. If you aren't happy with yourself, nobody will ever be happy with you. 

Relationships take sacrifice. Don't just assume to not change at all while with someone. People change when times change. Two people can grow and change together. For example, your significant other might like going out to the bars every weekend and you would much rather stay inside. So he/she might start spending more time inside, or you start going out. That is what change is. You change what you normally do, to make that person happy, to spend time with them and that is sacrifice.

Know your boundaries. Do not ever let someone make you feel uncomfortable or unwanted. Putting yourself in potentially damaging situations can not be any good for you. Stand your ground and walk away.

I'm that girl. The one who thinks she has it all figured out but really has not a clue. I know how it feels for my heart to be warm and I've also felt it cold and sunken into my chest. I've fallen and it's taken me a while to bring myself up, but if there is one thing I do know, it's that I'm still learning. 

I don't think it's even possible for everyone to know how to successfully maintain a relationship without some sort fault. I get so many questions asking about relationship advice, from my family to people I don't even know. I like to say that I know a lot because of my past, but I really don't. 

Don't be a bitch to your boyfriend because nobody likes a bossy, controlling, pushy woman.


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